Writer's Block (Chapter 81 to 85)

Chapter 81

She laughed as they stumbled into her room “Shhhh”. She tapped the wall in search of the light switch.He followed her inside, setting the bottle of tequila on one of the coffee tables next to the stylish sofa. He looked around “Your room looks exactly like mine!” he turned to glance at her amazed, and they both broke into a cackle.
Maxine kicked off her shoes and got two empty glasses.
Ryan stood up and browsed through her iPod in search of a song “What was it that you did?”
She walked up to the sofa and jumped on it “Nothing. My father’s filthy rich…. And I’m his baby girl. He makes sure I get everything I want”
He covered his eyes and pressed play, instantly Every Breath You Take by The Police began to play on the speaker system. Not bad, he thought and walked to the sofa.
He poured tequila on both glasses, sat down beside her, and handed her a glass.
She smiled and sipped some “You’re not trying to get me drunk, are you Ryan?” she eyed him playfully
He lifted the bottle and examined it “With this... nah... I don’t think so” he smiled at her as he set the bottle down.
They sat back and sipped quietly. After a while, Maxine took his glass, set it on the table, and moved towards him. Ryan chuckled under his breath, but remained motionless. She kissed him teasingly and brushed his earlobe with the tip of her tongue. He was immediately aroused; there was something extremely sexy about her childlike manner. After a slight hesitation, he kissed her back. Maxine stripped off her top and gazed at him. (She wasn’t wearing a bra). Ryan breathed out and kissed her again, hardly able to hold himself back. They fooled around on the sofa until she stood up and led him to the bedroom.
She pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him (her tight black pants still on). Ryan gazed at her, waiting for her next move. She lifted his shirt and began to lick his belly while he brushed her back softly. She then sat up, and with her eyes fixed on his, let her long auburn hair down.
Ryan stopped. As he watched her thick locks of hair fall onto her shoulders he was suddenly reminded of Claire, and felt an overwhelming need to be with her. This was not right. Maxine was extremely beautiful, and had she come across him at some other point in his life, he would have been more than willing to spend the night with her. But he was in love with Claire; and regardless of tonight’s events at her apartment, still longed for her and felt no other woman would do.
Maxine bent down to kiss him. Ryan turned his head and pushed her away gently “Wait”
“What’s the matter?” she looked at him confused
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry… it’s not right” he grabbed her leg and pushed her to the side, getting off the bed. “You’re a very sexy and beautiful girl, Maxine… “
She got up and placing her finger on his lips, shushed him
“Don’t worry… I understand” she smiled as she covered her breasts with a pillow.
“You do?”
She nodded “She’s one lucky girl”
He looked at her confused
“The writer… You love her, it’s obvious”
He smiled and nodded, slightly embarrassed.
Maxine sighed “Didn’t expect less of you, Ryan” she sat on the bed “Well… what are you waiting for? Go get her!” she gestured him towards the door.
Ryan shook his head grinning and kissed her on the forehead “Thanks Maxine, you’re quite a remarkable young woman”
She smiled at him and pushed him away “I know, I know”
Ryan walked out of her room smiling, got on the elevator and pressed the 6th floor. As he walked the long hallway to his room, he thought he caught a glimpse of someone: Claire sat, sound asleep; her back against room 605’s door.

He was working on a movie about the comic book character Spider-Man; she was starring and producing a psychological thriller. Most of his movie was shot either on location or in a studio in LA. Unfortunately, quite a few scenes had to be shot in New York. John left for almost three months, getting so wrapped up in the project, he unwillingly neglected their relationship. He worked late everyday and even on weekends, hardly ever calling to check up on her.
She could hardly handle the stress of starring and producing, and a few pictures on the tabloids, that suggested his romantic involvement with Kirsten Dunst, were enough to make her seek for male comfort in the set.
He was barely 21 at the time, had starred in a couple of low budget movies, and was incredibly talented for his young age. He was very mature, extremely good looking and always eager to lend her a helping hand. In two weeks John had only called her twice, and had to hang up after 5 minutes because he had another ‘really important call he needed to answer’. As she slid her cell phone into her pocket, she scanned the room for him. He smiled and waved, gesturing her to come closer. She took a deep breath and walked towards him.
“Hey Gosling! Everything ok?” she fixed his red leather jacket, tugging at the collar
Ryan smiled and kissed her on the cheek
“We’re almost done shooting! Finally you get to rest” she smiled at him enthusiastically
Ryan licked his lips and gazed at her “Yeah...” he paused “I’d still like to see you, though”
She blushed slightly “Sure… we’ll see each other”
He scratched one of his sideburns “How about dinner?”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah, I take you out to dinner, tonight”
She paused, took a deep breath and nodded blurting “Sure”
“Great!” he caught a glimpse of the director and yelled “Be right there!”. He looked back at her smiling “Ok, then… I’ll pick you up at eight.”
“Ok” she smiled
As he walked away “Eight o’clock Bullock, not a minute later”


Chapter 82

They sat to have tea in Patricia’s beloved greenhouse. Victoria looked around, marveling at the contrast between the overwhelmingly colorful and wild environment of the room, and the dull and ceremonial style that spread across the rest of the apartment.
“It looks beautiful, Patricia… you’ve really outdone yourself this time” she smiled as she gestured her to hold the milk.
“I’m trying something new. I’m adding some natural hormones to their water… I think it’s really making them grow”
Victoria nodded and lifted her steamy cup
“So, how was the honeymoon? You got back earlier than we expected. I thought you were staying for the whole month”
“We were, but Patrick had to get back to work. He said it was childishly reckless of him to take a whole month off” She sipped
“Hmmm… he’s always been very much into his work. I guess you can’t blame him for it. After all, it seems to provide very well for you. The new apartment is huge and extremely well located”
“Yeah… I guess… I just wish he’d work less though. We’ve hardly spent any time together since we got back”
Patricia gazed at her and nodded. She understood exactly what Victoria meant. Her relationship with Seamus had been like that ever since she could remember. At first she supported him, thinking how building an empire required hard work and dedication. MC&M had been his dream, and she was not about to get in the way of it. She had given up on everything so that he could reach the top; and though at the time it seemed only natural that she did, the current void in her life made her resent him for it. Of course, as soon as Seamus became mildly successful, Colin and Patrick were born, and for a while life couldn’t be better. Sending them off to boarding school had been Seamus’ idea, and although it was only during high school, and they would come home every weekend; Patricia felt she had missed out on the most important years of her sons’ lives.
Victoria set the cup down “I’m thinking about having a baby”
Patricia was brought back instantly, What a marvelous idea! – she thought – She desperately yearned to hear the sound of small running footsteps across the apartment. Victoria was sure to be a wonderful mother.
As much as she had doubted Laura’s ability to raise a child – and secretly thanked God for her miscarriage – she felt Victoria was a different story altogether. Of course her Spanish heritage might lead her to teach her child certain idiosyncrasies she wouldn’t agree with; but Patricia was sure she would be able to chip in some good ol’ Irish traditions every once in a while.
She had always expected Colin to be the one who gave her grandchildren; but fate, it seemed, had other plans, and unless Laura’s silly attempts to end her life succeeded, she was probably not going to see the family grow along that branch.
She wandered if Victoria had discussed her desires with Patrick. Patricia knew her son all too well. “Does Patrick know about your wishes?”
Victoria shook her head “No, I was planning on discussing it with him tonight”
Rose walked in to bring a tray of delicious Danish pastries and stood by the table waiting for instructions
“That’ll be all, Rose, thank you” Patricia gestured her to leave. Instantly, her expression changed. The smiled she had worn until then vanished, her gaze fixed on Victoria’s piercing dark brown eyes “Can I give you some advice?”
Victoria lifted her eyebrows and smiled “Sure” she set the cup down and listened attentively
Patricia breathed in, scanned the room for any unknown intruders, and shaking her head whispered “Don’t”


He breathed in, frowned and gazed at her lean body as it lay motionless against the door. Shaking his head, he searched for his key, opened the door and lifted her from the ground. He kicked the door shut behind him and carried her into the bedroom, setting her limp body on one side of the bed. He sat next to her and brushed the hair off her face, pausing to admire her flawless features. He stripped off her jeans and shoes, covered her with a blanket and walked into the bathroom for a shower. He could still smell Maxine’s perfume on his clothes.

She stretched and opened her eyes, realizing she was in a strange room. She turned to look beside her, and found Ryan, sound asleep next to her, his hand holding hers.
She moved towards him and brushed the side of his face tenderly, wondering how she had ended up there.
After dismissing Zach, Claire had hopped into the shower (scrubbing whatever minute residues of Vera’s elaborate make-up might have hung on to her face), changed into her comfy jeans and T shirt and rode a cab to Ryan’s hotel. She was probably the last person he wanted to see, but Claire couldn’t leave things as they were. She wanted to know what he thought, how he felt… she needed to talk to him, let him know that she loved him and had never intended to harm him. She needed to face him, maybe even let him yell at her a little; anything as long as he would forgive her.
Claire wished she could go back in time and erase the entire day from the records of history. Everything had gone wrong. Not only had she upset Ryan by concealing important information from him, but Zach had learnt about her ridiculous subterfuge - she still blushed embarrassed at the thought of it – and she had given John a reason to pursue her further: she had admitted her attraction towards him.

Ryan jerked slightly at her touch and slowly opened his eyes. Claire breathed in and swallowed, her eyes still fixed on him. He remained silent, staring at her. After what Claire felt had been an eternity of silent torture, she turned to look away.
“I’m sorry Ryan… I have no excuses for what I’ve done” her eyes moistened.
Nothing. Not a word.
“I just…” she turned back to look at him “I needed to know. Zach was an important part of my life and I needed…” she paused “…closure”.
Ryan sighed and turned to stare at the ceiling
She sat up “You would have done the same thing if it had been Rachel. I mean, I know how much she meant to you…” she felt a tear roll down her cheek. “I know… you probably would have told me about it… but I thought…” she sighed, lifted her arms in the air and dropped them helplessly “I don’t know what I thought… I’m an idiot, I admit it” she tried to hide the pitch in her voice as the tears streamed down her face “…and it kills me to think that you might never trust in me after this… because I love you, and you have been nothing but great to me… and here I come and ruin everything!” she sobbed inconsolably.
Ryan couldn’t take it anymore, the sound of her sobbing was unbearable, he needed to hold her, to comfort her, to let her know that in spite of her childish actions, he still loved her.
Claire pushed the blanket off and stood up to search for her jeans.
Ryan sat up and turned to gaze at her as she wiped the tears off her face “Where do you think you’re going?”
Claire turned to look at him startled as she grabbed her jeans.
“Come back to bed Brickwell, don’t make me go up there and get you” he smiled slightly and patted the spot next to him.
She dropped her jeans on the carpet, walked towards the bed and knelt exactly where he had pointed, facing him.
“You don’t want me to leave?”
Ryan shook his head and rubbed her thigh gently. He got a tissue from his bedside table, gestured her to come closer and placed it on her nose “Blow”
Claire smiled and blew as hard as she could.
Ryan folded the tissue and set it back on the table “Good girl”
She breathed in “Ryan… I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am…”
He grabbed her face and kissed her unexpectedly. Claire was completely taken away.
He stopped and stared deep into her eyes “Just don’t do it again, Brickwell…” he brushed her hair off her face as he held her close. “Your hiding things from me only makes me think that you don’t trust me”
Claire shook her head hurriedly “Oh… but I do trust you Ryan. I trust you more than anyone”
He smiled and kissed her, tipping her to the side to lie across the bed and on his thighs. Claire gazed at him adoringly as he bent to kiss her once more; his hand wandering up her shirt.


“Is she any better?” Colin followed Dr. Kaplan, along the long corridor that led to his office
“These things take time, Colin. She’s not going to change from one day to the next. She’s probably been decompensating for a while” they stopped in front of a coffee vending machine; Dr. Kaplan searched his pockets for loose change.
“But how much longer, Doc? It kills me to see her here. I think she’d be better at home… or maybe even staying with her mother”
Dr. Kaplan got an espresso and offered Colin one. Colin shook his head smiling politely.
“I understand your concerns, Colin. Believe me… there’s nothing I would like more than to discharge her. However, it’s not the wise decision just yet. She could still harm herself, and you might not be as lucky this time”
Colin breathed in and nodded, recalling how fortunate it had been that Maria had altered her weekly schedule. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he stared at him inquisitively
Dr. Kaplan smiled “You’re doing more than you know… by coming here everyday. It’s important for Laura to know that people care about her”
Colin nodded as they continued to walk down the corridor
“I just feel so responsible, Doc… How could I have missed it? I had no idea she was so unhappy”
Dr. Kaplan sighed “To be perfectly honest with you Colin, Laura has a history of dissatisfaction. It is something she brings from way back, before you two even met. This is not the first time she has tried something like this”
Colin stopped and turned to stare at him in shock “What do you mean, not the first time?”
He nodded solemnly “I’ve spoken to her mother; Laura has tried to take her life on more than one occasion. Of course, her previous attempts were not as resolute as this one. Mainly benzodiazepine overdose, like Valium.”
Colin paused to consider what other obscure secrets Laura might have kept from him.


Ryan left for the set around noon. He had skipped his daily exercise routine at Equinox; but considering his recent activities with Claire, he figured he had done quite a bit of exercise that morning.
Claire stepped out of the shower and searched through his closet for a shirt she could borrow. She came across a black one that seemed smaller than the rest, and tried it on. It’ll have to do – she thought – as she rolled up the sleeves and checked herself on the mirror. She slid into her jeans, put on her shoes and combed her hair hurriedly. She was supposed to be on the set in 20 minutes!
Grabbing her purse, she stepped out of the room and into the corridor, smiling at a couple of maids that stood chatting and giggling, a few feet away from Ryan’s door. As she turned, heading towards the elevators she overheard one of them…
“Wow! That Ryan Gosling is quite the Don Juan!”
She stopped, pressed her back against the wall and strained to listen.
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, I worked the night shift yesterday… and was wandering around the fourth floor…”
“Aha?”
“…And I saw him and some woman stumble into one of the rooms, laughing. They looked pretty wasted if you ask me… Anyway, he must have a lot of energy to be able to spend the night with two different women and shoot a film!”
Claire gasped
“Are you sure it was him? I read in the paper that he’s been dating this writer he met in LA”
“Oh… it was him, no doubt about it. I could recognize Ryan Gosling anywhere. He’s way too hot to miss!”


Chapter 83

“Do you honestly believe that?” Eva stared at him
Colin nodded solemnly
“So you’re saying your father has never done anything wrong or improper in his life?” she lit another cigarette
“Well, I guess if he has, it was always for a greater good. You know, his family was not wealthy at all. He’s a self made man. I wish I’d accomplished half of what he already had at my age”
“But you don’t have to” she got up and walked towards the bar, grabbing the bottle of scotch
Colin sighed “I’m not sure about that” he gazed at her as she walked back
Eva sat down and poured scotch into his glass. “Colin, you’re not your father… you don’t have the same goals in life”
He lifted his glass “I know… silly of me, huh? I guess it’s easy to think money is not important when you’ve had it all your life.”
“Sure” she paused to study him further “… but in your case, I seriously believe it still wouldn’t have made a difference. You have other needs, Colin, spiritual needs.”
He turned to look at her, amazed at her insightfulness
She went on “Your father had them once too” she paused, realizing she was giving away too much“… I imagine”
Colin sipped and shook his head “I don’t think so. My father is way too practical to let his emotions get in the way of what he wants, or at least what he thinks is best for everyone”
Eva gazed at him in amazement. Seamus had really outdone himself. He had fooled his sons into believing there wasn’t as single reproachable action on his records. Colin honestly believed his father was flawless. If she could only tell him what she knew! If she could only tell him about his weaknesses, his insecurities, his fears… About his lies, his poisonous pride, his insatiable greed, his unjustified envy and his plethoric lust. Of course, in these crazy times we live in, a man that was guilty of such multitude of sins would be revered as a God. But then again, she thought, it was the seven deadly sins what kept the world spinning today. Removing greed or envy could result in the collapse of an entire economic system… Most of them (if not all of them) marked our everyday actions. Seamus had only taken them to a superlative level. But that was the way Seamus did things; he always needed to take things up a notch, to raise the bar, to go ‘up to eleven’, so to speak.


Claire paused to think about last night. She had gotten to his hotel around 11 pm and had asked the man at the front desk to ring his room. There had been no answer, and Claire figured he was probably out, walking George and having a smoke.
Making sure nobody saw her; she hopped into one of the elevators and decided to wait for him. At least an hour had passed and he hadn’t returned. Finally she must have dozed off.
So Ryan had not been walking his dog, clearing his mind and trying to figure out what to make of her foolish actions. He had been with another woman, in her room!
She felt a mixture of pain, anger and impotence. How could he have done this? Spend the night with another woman? Why? Was her confession about Zach’s book presentation so terrible that he had entirely given up on their relationship? And if he had… why had he made love to her that morning? Why had he pretended to still love her? The thought of him kissing and touching another woman was something she couldn’t bare.
Claire felt suffocated and slightly faint. She scanned the room for the emergency exit and ran towards it. Alone now, she collapsed to the floor and began to cry.


He called her as soon as he landed on LAX. Instantly, John knew something had changed. The tone of her voice, her feigned excitement… there was something wrong and he was determined to find out what it was.
He stopped by their place for a quick shower and changed into comfortable clothes. Her stuff was gone. She had obviously moved out. He jumped into his car, called her, and agreed to meet her on a restaurant downtown. His heart raced as he figured what had probably happened. Sandra had felt neglected, and was trying to make a point: she was not about to put up with his indifference. He speeded down the highway, thinking how to fix things between them. The thought of losing her was too painful to even consider. She was the one for him and he only hoped it wasn’t too late.
He rushed into the restaurant and caught a glimpse of her, looking more beautiful than ever. He bent to kiss her and she turned her face, pecking him slightly on the cheek. She looked different; he noticed a certain remorse in her gaze. He chuckled under his breath at her clumsy rejection, and sat across from her, waiting…
The waitress hurried to take their order, “Is that all?” as she jotted lightly on her notepad. (They had both ordered a small salad and a coke.)
They nodded; she stuck her pen back in her apron’s pocket and walked away.
Sandra licked her lips “So… how was your flight?”
He shook his head grinning. She was obviously going for some bogus chitchat before breaking the news to him “Uneventful…” his eyes fixed on her
“Good” she paused and looked away
He decided to cut to the chase “I stopped by our place to take a shower and change…”
The waitress came back with their drinks. They both lifted their glasses and sipped in silence
“I hear your movie is going to be a box office hit…” she smiled and sipped some more
John put the glass down “Cut the crap, Sandra… Your stuff is gone. What’s going on?”
She paused to set down her glass and swallowed nervously “John…”
“Yep” he lifted his eyebrows
“We need to talk”
He breathed in and nodded
“This is not going to work”
“It’s not? Why not?” he tried to remain cool as he felt his heart brake into a million pieces
“We’re just not right for each other” she looked down
“Funny that you say that… I actually think we’re perfect for each other”
“You’ve got your job … and you love it… and you’re obviously great at it…” she bit her lower lip “but I need someone who can be with me… who can stay by my side. I’m not good at long distance relationships… I don’t know how to be alone”
“But you’re not alone…” he shrugged “I’ll always be with you”
She shook her head smiling “You’d like to think that, John… but it’s not true. These past 3 months have been hell. You hardly ever called, and when we did talk, it was barely for five minutes…”
He paused to gaze at her “I thought you knew I was doing this for us. I would have rather been here with you… “
“You and I both know that's not true. You love your work… and that’s one of the things I admire about you. How you seem to pour your heart and soul into everything you do.” She smiled at him “… And about you doing this for us… John, we don’t need the money. You know I make enough for both of us” she stretched to touch his hand
He pulled away “That’s not what I want and you know it”
She nodded “Exactly. And that’s why we’re not right for each other. You don’t need me John, you can take over the world on your own”
“I thought we could take over the world together” he forced a smile
“That’s not what I want… I never did”
“If you’re asking me to work less… I can do that.” He breathed in “I love you, Sandra. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you” he grabbed both her hands
She shook her head and looked away as she felt her eyes moisten.
He paused to gaze at her “It’s too late, isn’t it?” he let go of her hands “You’ve met someone”
Sandra turned to look at him surprised
He felt a sharp blow in his stomach that almost knocked out his breath “Who is he?”
“You wouldn’t know him. He’s an actor… he’s not famous… yet”
John noticed how her eyes sparkled as she talked about him. This was not just a silly crush.
“Does he have a name?” he was taken over by a sudden wrath
“What difference does it make now?”
“Well, I’d like to know the name of the sleazy bastard who stole my girl”
She had never seen him like this before. His gaze full of anger and bitterness
“John… he’s not responsible for this. I was the one who led him on… he just offered his friendship”
“Just… give me his name” he sighed, and went on trying to reassure her “I’m not going to hurt him if that’s what you’re afraid of. I think you already know I’m not that kind of guy”
She nodded slightly “Gosling, Ryan Gosling”
He lifted his glass, took a huge gulp and got up. “Suddenly I’m not hungry anymore.” He tossed a couple of hundred dollar bills on the table and bent down to kiss her cheek one last time “I’ll be seeing you, Bullock” as he walked away.
He drove back home feeling his heart and soul shattered. Amidst all that pain and anguish, John pledged to never fall for another woman again.


Chapter 84

She hopped off the subway and ran to the set; she was half an hour late. At this moment, Claire regretted she had ever gotten involved in this project in the first place. How could she face Ryan now? She paused to consider if her recent encounter with John could be likened to this. No. Nothing had happened. They had just kissed and fooled around a bit… but they didn’t have sex. It was definitely not the same.
She caught a glimpse of Mark giving directions to some of the crew members; today they were shooting Ogham’s opening soiree, and most of the cast was in it. As she moved closer, she saw Ryan speaking to a tall blonde girl she had never seen before. It must be one of the girls Aidan had met at the store. Claire rushed by unnoticed, and waved at Mark who had just turned to look her way.
Almost out of breath “I’m sorry Mark… I overslept”
Mark smiled and patted her back “Don’t worry… we haven’t even started rehearsing. Did you have breakfast?”
Claire shook her head realizing she was in serious need of some strong caffeine.
They walked towards the Kraft Service table and Mark poured a cup for each.
“So” she sighed after taking a sip “It’s Ogham’s opening soiree, right?”
He nodded “I’m sure a lot of interesting stuff will come up on the rehearsals” he led her towards the chairs
“I’m looking forward to it” she smiled and sat, keeping her gaze away from Ryan.
Mark stood up and addressed the cast “Ok… is everyone ready? Can we get started?”
They all looked his way and nodded; Claire focused on her coffee, but couldn’t help looking up. Instantly, she noticed Ryan waving at her. She waved back, nonchalantly, feeling a sharp sting in the back of her throat.
They rehearsed the scene a couple of times. Suddenly, almost inevitably, Claire submerged into the plot; completely forgetting what had been haunting her mind these past few hours. She watched amazed. It was incredible to see how her lines had turned into something so alive, so tangible. Ryan had added a few touches to his lines, and Claire had to admit they were more than accurate. It was obvious he had great instincts. Ryan knew and understood Colin's character like the back of his hand.
Mark looked at Claire “Are you ok with this?”
She nodded enthusiastically “It’s perfect, Mark. Couldn’t have done it better myself”
“Ok then… let’s shoot” he turned to speak to one of the production assistants.
Ryan dashed over to where she was sitting “Hey, Brickwell… Nice shirt!” he winked and bent down to kiss her.
Claire pushed him away “Not here, Gosling” She cringed at the thought of him kissing that mysterious woman from the hotel.
Ryan frowned, surprised. It had never bothered her before. After all, it wasn't as if the fact that they were together was a secret. Everyone on the set knew about them. He paused to gaze at her...There was something going on and he was determined to find out what it was.
Suddenly realizing she had been too obvious, she stood up, smiled at him and pecked him on the cheek.
Ryan not convinced by this ‘friendly’ gesture of hers, ran back to his position pondering on what could have happened between him leaving the hotel and Claire arriving at the set. He glanced at her as she sat back next to Mark, and rubbed the back of her neck.

They were right through the middle of shooting the same scene for the third time; when one of the production assistants walked up to Claire. She held out a vibrating cell phone and whispered into her ear “This is Mr. Gosling’s phone. It’s been ringing like crazy for the last 15 minutes. Maybe you’d like to check and see if it’s important.”
Claire nodded, grabbed the cell phone, and sprinted away from her chair and into a safe distance, to avoid messing up the shot.
“Hello?”
“Hi… Is Ryan there?” it was a woman’s voice, she sounded agitated
“Ryan’s in the middle of a scene right now… can I take a message?”
“Oh! I’m his mother, Donna Gosling… who am I speaking to?”
“Hello, Mrs. Gosling… I’m Claire Brickwell, I'm Ryan's...”
She interrupted her “Claire! I finally get to hear your voice! Ryan's told me so much about you! I’d really like to get to meet you soon.”
Claire smiled, Ryan had spoken to his mother about her… That’s nice – she thought, Still doesn’t take away the fact that he slept with another woman! But it’s nice…. “It’s really nice to talk you too, Mrs. Gosling… and I’d love to meet you!”
“Please, call me Donna… so Ryan’s busy?”
“Yep… I can tell him to call you back as soon as he finishes with his scene. Is everything ok?”
Donna sighed “Well… not really Claire… It’s Mandi… she’s been hospitalized”
“What? Why? What happened?” Claire felt so shocked she didn’t even stop to consider if these questions were appropriate…. “I’m sorry… you probably want to speak to Ryan about this… I didn’t mean to meddle”
“It’s ok, Claire… you’re practically family, right?”
Claire bit her lower lip… Was she?
Donna went on “The doctor says it’s not serious… she’s got acute appendicitis… she’s going into surgery in a couple of hours. It’s all been very sudden”
“I see…” she paused to look in Ryan’s direction – they were still shooting -“She’s going to be fine, Donna… I’ve heard these surgeries are somewhat of a routine procedure nowadays” she remembered when her brother had appendicitis. He had woken up feeling slightly sick one morning; six hours later they were taking him into the OR. She was twelve at the time, and had cried throughout the entire procedure, thinking how her life would be shattered if something happened to him.
“I know… but…” there was a slight pitch to her voice “…she’s my baby girl”
Claire breathed in, feeling sorry for her. She was obviously distraught about this and needed her son by her side. “Donna… Listen, as soon as Ryan finishes this scene… he’ll hop on a plane. Don’t you worry… I’m personally booking him a flight right now”
“Thank you Claire” she sighed relieved
“Bye Donna… and, if there’s anything else I can do for you… please do not hesitate to ask”
“I won’t… Thanks again Claire, you’ve been wonderful”

In a second, Claire booked a spot for Ryan in the afternoon flight to Toronto. She walked back to where Mark sat, and recognized the end of the scene, as Ryan began to slow dance with Penelope.
Mark yelled cut. Fortunately, after this third take, he was content.
“Everyone take an hour for lunch… we’ll shoot Aidan and Seamus’ scene next”
Ryan whispered something into Penelope’s ear and she laughed, pushing him away. As she witnessed that, Claire felt a mixture of emotions… on one hand, the thought of Ryan dancing with Penelope reminded her of this other unknown woman he had been with, and filled her with bitterness and sorrow; on the other hand, she thought about Mandi and Donna and how Ryan would react to the news of his sister’s sudden and present condition.
She decided to set aside her doubts about him – for now - he would probably need her to support him throughout this.
“Ryan!” she yelled and started towards him.
He glanced her way, lifted his eyebrows and rushed to meet her. As he came close, he noticed the look of concern on her face “What is it? Is everything ok?”
Claire shook her head, handed him his cell phone, and hugged him affectionately. Ryan, feeling completely lost, hugged her back “You’re scaring me” he pushed her away slightly, and fixed his eyes on hers
She breathed in “It’s your sister… she’s been hospitalized”
“What?” he tightened the grip on both her arms
She nodded “Acute appendicitis… your mom just called. She’s going into surgery in a few hours”
Ryan rubbed his forehead and walked around; his other had on his waist. He paused and turned to stare at her once more, completely overwhelmed by concern and distress.
“I booked you a flight … you’re leaving in 2 hours”
He sighed and nodded “I need to speak to Mark”
Claire licked her lips “Yeah… you do that, I’ll go get you a cab”
He started walking towards Mark, suddenly he paused and turned to look at her “You’re coming with me, right?”
Claire stared back in shock. She had not expected this. She nodded almost automatically “You bet” and grabbed her cell phone, hoping there would still be an empty seat for her in his flight.


“Are you married?”
Colin nodded
“Any kids?” Eva knew the answers to her questions
“Nope… I guess, like you said “ he sipped some scotch “it wasn’t in the cards for me either” he forced a smile
“Oh… but you’re still young”
“Yeah… but my wife…” he looked down at his glass “…she’s sick”
Eva nodded “I see…” she licked her lips “Is it bad? Is she in pain?” again, she knew what he would say.
He breathed in and paused, wondering how much he should open up to this woman he had met only a few hours ago. And yet… he wondered...it was as if he had known her all her life. Colin had never felt such a strong connection with a complete stranger before.
She rushed to comfort him “You don’t have to tell me… I understand”
“No… it’s ok…" he paused once more "She tried to kill herself… a few of months ago”
“And how is she now?”
He turned to look at her “In a mental institution…” he could hardly believe his own words
“Do you think she’ll ever go back to being herself? You know… to appreciating life again?”
“I used to think so… but now, I’m not so sure anymore”
“I guess it must be hard… loving someone who doesn’t want to live…” she reached for his hand and rubbed it affectionately.
Colin swallowed and nodded solemnly.
They sat quietly for a while, enjoying Billie Holiday's subtle version of Summertime.
As the song came to an end, she got up “Would you excuse me for a minute? I really need to use the bathroom” She walked across the room and paused “Feel free to poke around… I don’t care” she smiled and turned left into a long corridor.
Colin sat drinking his scotch. He noticed a few magazines on the table, and setting his glass too close to the edge, flipped through them, trying to find something interesting to read. He settled for last month's edition of Horse & Hound. As he lifted it, he accidentally knocked his glass off the table and onto the floor, spilling the scotch all over the table and carpet.
“Shit!” he exclaimed in a hushed tone of voice, and hurried in search of the kitchen. He needed to find something to dry it off before it left a permanent mark on the wooden table. As he scanned the kitchen counter for a piece of cloth or even some paper napkins, he caught a glimpse of a familiar image out of the corner of his eye. He walked towards the sink and lifted it.
Colin stood in shock as his eyes fixed on a blue ceramic cup... bearing the McNamara’s family crest.

Chapter 85

They hurried out of Toronto Pearson International Airport and took a cab to St. Joseph’s Hospital. Ryan had talked to his mom on their ride to the airport, and had learnt that Mandi was going into surgery in 2 hours. They wouldn’t make it before she went in.
During their flight, Claire lifted the arm that separated their seats, and let Ryan rest on her lap as she brushed his hair gently; feeling a sudden urge to protect him, to comfort him, to tell him that everything would be just fine.
She tried to keep up with Ryan as he rushed along the corridors of the impressive building. Catching a glimpse of him, Donna ran to greet him enthusiastically as he set their bags down and hugged her adoringly.
“Oh, Ryan… I’m so glad you were able to come!” she dried the tears off her face with a tissue
Ryan let go and smiled “Mom, how could I not come?… You’re my girls, remember? How could I leave you to deal with this on your own?”
Donna smiled and hugged him once more. Suddenly, she realized Claire was standing right behind him
“Claire?” she broke off and smiled at her
Claire nodded “How are you, Mrs… uhm Donna?”
She walked up to her “Well, Ryan hasn’t exaggerated one bit. You really are breathtakingly beautiful!”
Claire blushed slightly and looked at Ryan who nodded smiling. Donna hugged her affectionately “I’m so glad you are here! Thank you, Claire”
Claire hugged her back and smiling said “It’s my pleasure, Donna… I was really looking forward to meeting you”
Donna laughed at the sight of both, Ryan and Claire standing in front of her. She loved having her son visit, and although these weren’t the best of circumstances, she had been anxiously expecting to meet the woman who had captured her son’s heart.
“Do you know anything about Mandi?” Ryan lifted their bags as they walked to one of the sofa sets in the waiting room.
“Not yet. She’s only been in there for half an hour. I dunno how long this procedure is supposed to last”
“Oh... it’s pretty quick. I’d say an hour, tops” Claire chipped in. They both looked at her surprised “My brother had appendicitis when he was 17” she explained
They nodded and Claire stood up “Does anyone want coffee? I’m thinking about getting some for myself”
Donna nodded “That would be great!”
Ryan stood up to follow her.
“You stay here with your mom, I can manage on my own” Claire gestured him back to his seat and walked in search of a vending machine. She figured both Ryan and Donna needed some time alone.


He kissed her and rolled over to one side of the bed trying to catch his breath. He wondered how she could still manage to get him so aroused after almost 20 years. Eva smiled at him and sat up, turning to look for a cigarette. She lit it and offered him a drag. Seamus took it, inhaled and handed it back to her, pausing to brush the side of her arm affectionately. He then got up and walked towards the bathroom, leaving the door slightly open behind him.
“Seamus?” she suddenly felt the urge to ask
“Yep” he answered from across the door
“Have you seen it?” she took another drag
“Seen what?”
“Colin’s bookstore…. Have you seen what it looks like?”
Seamus flushed and walked back into the room shaking his head “Nah… haven’t gotten around to it yet”
She gazed at him as he slid on his boxers and sat beside her “Do you at least know where it is?” she offered him her cigarette… he refused, politely
“Yeah… not far from here, actually… I think it’s only a few blocks down south” he got up and began to get dressed
“You should go check it out. I’m sure it must be quite an interesting place”
“Patricia says it needs a feminine touch, and yes… interesting was the word she used more than once to describe it”
“He’s probably expecting you to go…” she took another drag “I’m sure he’d like to know what you think about it”
He buttoned his shirt “I’m not so sure about that, Eva… He didn’t give a damn about how I thought it was a ludicrous idea in the first place”
She paused to put out her half consumed cigarette. “I still think you should go”
He dismissed her comment and slid on his pants, jumping slightly to fit them to his waist.
“Seamus?” she stared at him slightly annoyed by his indifference “Are you listening to me?”
He nodded and sighed while he sat to put on his socks and shoes.
“Colin needs your support… why do you insist on being so stubborn?”
He got up and grabbed his tie “I’m not being stubborn, Eva, I’m being practical. It’s obvious this ridiculous money wasting scheme of his won’t work…”
Eva got up and walked naked to where he was standing. She grabbed the tie, as it hung loosely from his neck, and helped him with the knot. “You don’t know that yet. Besides, whatever the outcome, you need to stand by him. He’s your son” she stared deep into his eyes.
Seamus breathed out and bent to kiss her. She leaned back her face, avoiding his kiss “Promise me you will go today”
“Today? I have work to do, Eva… Today is not possible”
She stepped back, her eyes still fixed on his
Seamus glanced at his watch and sighed “Ok… I promise”
She smiled, grabbed his tie and pulled him close as they merged into a deep and passionate kiss.


Claire didn’t find any vending machines; instead she found the cafeteria. This was actually better, considering she didn’t have any Canadian dollars, and the cafeteria would probably let her use her credit card.
“Can I take your order?” a young woman stood across the counter
“Yeah… listen, can I use my credit card? I just flew in from New York and haven’t been able to exchange any money”
“You can use your credit card or pay with American dollars, we take both” she smiled
“Great! American dollars it is… I’ll take 3 cappuccinos to go”
“That’ll be 12 dollars, please…”
Claire handed her the money and leaned over to grab a few sugar packs. The young woman yelled out her order and paused to study her further.
“Wait… I know you!” she fixed her gaze on her
Claire shook her head “I don’t think so... I’ve never even been in Ontario before, let alone this hospital”
“You’re Claire Brickwell, aren’t you?”
Claire jumped back startled “Yeah… I am. How did you know?”
“Well… I have a lot of idle time in my work, and I usually get to read plenty of magazines…” she set a tray on the counter adding a few napkins and spoons.
“Aha?” Claire put her wallet back in her purse
“You’re the writer who’s dating our Ryan”
Right! She thought. Ryan was probably huge here…. After all, he was Canadian.
She nodded smiling
“You know…. For a while there… I didn’t like you one bit. You know… we where all expecting him to get back with Rachel” she went on “But it looks like he really does love you… besides, I’ve never seen him looking so happy!” she smiled “So, I guess you’re ok.”
Claire was amazed; she was actually being evaluated and criticized by this strange woman who lived miles away from her. She wondered if the entire province of Ontario had benchmarked her to Rachel. Comparing to see who was more ‘worthy’ of the prize.
“Well… I’m glad to hear you approve” she tried not to sound sarcastic
“Yeah… Took me a while, though” she set the three cups on her tray and nodded solemnly.
“Thanks” Claire forced a smile and walked away
“Anytime, Brickwell… just don’t go breaking our Ryan’s heart, ok?”
She pretended not to hear that last remark, and walked back to the waiting room. She found Ryan sitting alone “Where’s Donna?”
He got up to help her with the tray “She went to the restrooms. She’ll be right back”
“You know” she handed him the tray “I’ve just been… assessed by the lady in the cafeteria”
“How so?”
“Well” she sat as Ryan set the tray on the small table beside the sofa set “You see, they all expected you to go back to Rachel” She picked up her cappuccino and sat back “Fortunately, she seems to think I’m ok and worthy of being your girlfriend….”
Ryan shook his head smiling “Does it bother you?”
“It’s starting to become somewhat annoying…” she sipped “… but what the hell, right? It’s not as if I’ve kidnapped you and forced you to be with me… Besides, you can always go back to her if you want to” Claire's tone of voice had grown increasingly sarcastic
Ryan turned to look at her surprised “Huh? Why would you say that?”
“Well, Ryan, you haven’t sworn to me eternal love and devotion… you might want to be with another woman at some point in the near future…” Claire couldn’t help herself, words pouring out of her mouth uncontrollably.
“Claire, what are you trying to say?” he was honestly lost
She caught a glimpse of Donna heading their way “Nothing, don’t mind me…. We’ll talk about this some other time”
He stared at her confused as she waved at Donna.
Donna smiled “I just run into one of the nurses, she told me Mandi will be in her room in 15 minutes”
Claire smiled “Just enough time for you to drink your coffee”
They drank in silence as Ryan wondered what had gotten into Claire.

Mandi’s surgery had worked out fine, and after checking up on her and making sure she was alright, they walked out into the corridor where Donna gave Ryan the keys to her car.
“You two go home, take a shower and get some sleep. There’s food in the refrigerator…" she pointed at Ryan "Make sure you give Claire the new towels I bought. I will spend the night here; I don’t want her to wake up in a strange room on her own.”

Mandi was still delirious from the anesthesia. You could tell she was exhausted, but felt no pain.
“Are you sure about this, mom? I can stay here and you and Claire can go back home and rest”
“Nonsense” she pushed him away
“Ok… have it your way. Now, you can call me on my cell phone if you need me and we’ll be back here first thing tomorrow morning” he took the bag Claire was holding
Claire looked at Donna “Is there anything you’d like me to bring for you tomorrow? Wait!… I have a brand new tooth brush in my bag” she grabbed her bag back, set it on the floor and knelt down to browse through it… “and a book I haven’t even started reading but that looks quite promising!...”
Donna laughed at how ‘motherly’ Claire had turned out to be, as she handed her the toothbrush, some toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, a book, make up removing pads…“We’ll call you tonight to check up on you and Mandi, and then you can let me know what stuff – other than a new outfit – you need us to bring” Claire spoke in a trance
Donna shook her head smiling
Claire blushed slightly thinking she had probably gone too far “I’m sorry… I can’t help myself”
Thrilled by Claire’s friendly disposition, Donna hugged her unexpectedly “Don’t worry Claire, you remind me of myself 20 years ago…”

They walked out into the parking lot. Claire looked at Ryan “You know, I can carry my own bag, Gosling”
Ryan dismissed her comment and kept on walking in search of Donna’s car. After throwing their bags into the back seat, they drove quietly to his place.