Writer's Block (Chapter 61 to 70)

Chapter 61

Claire found a parking lot a few blocks away from Main Street. She was amazed to see how many people were spending the weekend in the area. Restaurants were packed with hungry customers, sidewalks were overrun by tourists and locals; some of them were even standing in line, at the trendy and renowned antique stores.
She came across a Ralph Lauren store and stopped to examine the window display; thinking she might find something nice for Ryan. Her attention was distracted by an intense and intermittent light that came from behind. She paused puzzled, and turned. Standing a few feet away, a funny looking short and stout man in a Hawaiian shirt and plaid shorts, held a camera and kept taking pictures of her. Claire paused to consider how she looked. She wore a below the knee, Laura Ashley floral print, soft cotton sateen dress (with a touch of stretch); her favorite denim jacket and comfortable strappy sandals. Her hair was still wet from the shower they had taken after lunch, and she had fixed it up with a funky chopstick. She held a matching purse in one hand, and bottle of Evian water in the other.
She looked at him inquisitively and shook her head, eager to let him know he must have confused her with some obscure local celebrity. The funny looking man stepped closer, and waved “Hello, Ms. Brickwell. How are you enjoying the Hamptons?”
Claire jumped back stunned. He knows who I am!
“Is Ryan with you?” he browsed the scene
She smiled politely and shook her head. “You might want to save your film, Mister. I’m not worth it” she turned towards the store’s main entrance “I’m sure there’s plenty of hot celebrities pullulating along this very street.”
He shook his head smiling as he continued taking pictures feverishly “In Manhattan, you’re one of the hottest right now”
“Huh?” She stopped and stared at him in disbelief “You must be joking”
“Nope...” he put down his camera “And if I may add a personal note, you’re even more beautiful from up close”
Claire blushed. Noticing how sweaty he was, she walked up to him and handed him her bottle “Why don’t you drink some of this, you look absolutely parched!”
He leaned on a parked car and swallowed almost half the bottle. He then threw some water on his face. Claire, feeling sorry for him, took a catalog she had picked from one of the antique stores on the way there, and used it as a fan. “Is that better, Mr…?”
He nodded relieved “Presley, Carl Presley. No relation”
They shook hands as he smiled; surprised at her kind disposition “It’s really nice to meet you, Ms. Brickwell”
“It’s Claire, by the way.” She smiled “Now, ‘Carl no relation’, I’m planning on going into this store now. I think you have enough footage of me to last you a lifetime. So I’d really appreciate it if you’d call it day; maybe go find someone who’s a real money shot for a change?”
He nodded again and handed her the bottle
“Keep it. You need it more than I do” she turned and walked into the store “Bye, Carl. Take care”
Carl stood waving at her in a dazed state of mind. Claire Brickwell was definitely not your ordinary everyday celebrity. Claire Brickwell had not only striking good looks, but poise and class. She would stand out in a room full of people. He now understood why three different men wanted her.

She browsed through the sales rack. Claire believed clothes had to be bought on sale; it was ridiculous what these stores would charge you for a simple piece of cloth! She found a vintage plaid buckle trunk she immediately fell in love with. It was perfect for Ryan and only 29.99! She picked a size medium convinced it would fit just right. She continued towards the pants and vest section, not finding anything even remotely interesting. As she browsed through the sport shirts, she came across a custom-fit chambray shirt she thought would match his eyes. The cloth was surprisingly soft, and it seemed to be rather comfortable. She tried it on and checked herself on the mirror. Of course she looked ridiculous in it… it was way too big for her. Still, just as she had foretold, the fabric felt wonderful on her skin. This was definitely a keeper. She paused to consider; Ryan’s body had changed these past few weeks, and she couldn’t really tell if it would fit. She slid it off and examined it again, turning it to check the back, stretching the sleeves and eye-measuring its length. Hmm… tough one. She bit her bottom lip. Then it hit her. She looked around the store for a man with a similar physique. Too fat, too thin, too short… wait! Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of a man, facing the other way, slightly shorter than Ryan, but with a similar back. She tiptoed towards him silently, and stretched the shirt inches away from him, trying to see if it fit his shoulders. Hmmm… this might just work…
“Claire?” the ‘Ryan-sized-back-but-slightly-shorter-man’ turned to face her
“John! It’s you! What are you doing here?” she sighed relaxed – for a moment she had pictured herself sitting at the sheriff’s office facing sexual assault charges –
“Well, I own a house here… and after talking to you yesterday, I thought I might enjoy a weekend at the beach as well” he looked at her confused as she held the shirt and instantly wrinkled it against her chest “Were you looking for something?”
“Uhm…” she licked her lips and smiled, slightly embarrassed “As a matter of fact… Would you mind trying this shirt on?” she stretched it in front of him
He nodded “Sure” He followed her towards the fitting rooms. As she was about to hand him the shirt, he stripped off his T shirt and placed it on a nearby stool. Claire stood paralyzed. John had a beautiful body. She had never realized this before, (John mostly wore suits). His chest was lean and muscular, his arms, perfectly toned and in harmony with his powerful back and shoulders. She gasped slightly as he smiled at her and grabbed the infamous shirt. Claire sighed. It fit him like a glove. It brought out his green eyes and subtle tan.
He turned and pretended to model for her, jumping into the most ridiculous poses.
Claire laughed and took pictures with an imaginary camera.

Still laughing, they walked out of the store. John carried her bags. “There’s a pretty decent book store a few blocks that way. Wanna go see?”
Claire nodded and followed him smiling. They got to ‘Book Hampton’ and walked right in. Claire browsed through the history section, trying to find something interesting on East Hampton; maybe a nice present for Bill. She settled for a large book with beautiful photos and paintings depicting the area across the centuries. She thought it might look wonderful on the stylish mahogany coffee table in his living room. John grabbed a few novels by Martin Amis and joined her at the cash register. He insisted on paying for her book, mentioning he got points for every dollar he spent on his credit card; and that it gave him extra miles on American Airlines. Somehow, Claire did not believe John to be the kind of person who relied on credit card points to fly around the country.
She agreed as long as he would take the cash from her - which he didn’t - but told her she could pay for their coffee.
“What coffee?” Claire frowned; she didn’t remember having had any coffee
“The one we’re having after Lisa finishes wrapping your book” he smiled at the young blonde girl that stood in front of them. Claire turned to notice her ID tag, as it lay pinned to her shirt pocket.

They sat on a table outside a quaint, small coffee shop. A soft breeze had made the temperature drop slightly, and Claire put her jacket back on. John ordered two cappuccinos, not even bothering to ask Claire what she wanted - It was obvious he knew her quite well by now.
She gazed at him “You’re really good, aren’t you?”
“Huh?” he smiled as he set their bags on the empty chair.
“With people… you’re really good” her eyes fixed on his
He paused to gaze back at her and smiled “It’s what I do, Claire. Dealing with people; it’s 99% of my job”
She nodded, their eyes still fixed on each other. Suddenly realizing what she was doing, she looked away, awkwardly pretending to search for something in her purse. She finally came across her lip gloss and put some on.
“So,” she put the lip gloss back “You own a house here?”
“Yup… bought it a couple of years ago. It’s a really good investment, you know? Real estate in this area” he sat back
“I’m sure it must be. Especially if you say so” Their coffees arrived. Claire picked up hers and relished on the aroma
“Claire, whatever high opinion you hold of me on this arena… I want you to know that I’m not infallible. I have had my share of bad deals. Still, I’ve always believed education has a cost. And every single one of those deals had provided me with invaluable experience” he sipped his coffee
She shook her head smiling, “I didn’t know you liked Martin Amis”
“He’s brilliant”
“I agree. Zach revered him.”
He paused to look at her “Have you seen him?”
“Not deliberately, if that’s what you’re asking” she set her cup down
“Come again?”
“I ran into him yesterday. In the New York Public Library of all places!” she crossed her legs and sat back
“Wow… talk about luck. That place is huge!”
“I know… Raymond’s to blame”
“Raymond? You mean Raymond Carver?” he laughed
“You know he’s one of my favorite authors, right?”
He nodded
“Well… what you don’t know is how I got to read his work in the first place”
“I’m listening”
“It was him - Zach, not Raymond - who introduced me to his work. We hadn’t been going out for long; I think it was our fourth or fifth date. He dropped me at my place; we had just come back from ‘Shakespeare in the Park ‘…”
“Which one?”
“Macbeth”
“My favorite” he smiled
“Mine too” she paused to look at him and grinned “Anyway, as we got to my door, he got this book out of his coat pocket. It was a second hand paperback edition of Raymond Carver’s Fires. The pages were slightly bent and there were coarse creases on the covers - It had obviously been read many times - He handed it to me saying ‘Feast yourself on this’, kissed me and recited a fragment of one of the poems in the book”
“I think I’ve heard this story before” John stared at her confused just as his cell phone rang “Hold that thought” he pointed at her. “Hunter speaking”
Claire paused to think. How could John have heard this…?Of course, it was in Zach’s novel!
She closed her eyes and collapsed onto the back of her chair. A myriad of images plagued her mind at once: her recent encounter with sweaty Carl, the entire cast of A Multitude of Sins, the people sitting on the table next to her, the man in the booth at the parking lot, Lisa and her clever little ID pin, Richard bloody Morris… everyone knew about her now. Her picture was everywhere, and her name, endlessly typed next to it.
“A Modern Day Tragedy is nothing but a declaration of love. To whom, you might ask?…To his Rothko… our own Upper West Side inhabitant: Claire Brickwell”


Chapter 62

They stuck to light conversation. Patricia was so happy to see him. It had been almost a month since the wedding, and all this time, she hadn’t even heard from him. Of course, she had learnt about the recent shattering events, but Seamus had advised her to stay away, and let her son deal with the situation on his own. She followed his advice reluctantly. She still believed Colin needed his mother beside him at such painful times.
Seamus talked about his newly acquired Kandinsky painting and how it would be arriving soon. He was still considering where to hang it. Patricia went on about her plants and how she had found a new book with clever tips on how to make them flourish outside their natural habitat. Colin nodded silently, considering how unlikely that was… to flourish outside your natural habitat. He marveled at how Patricia had set her mind to acquiring plants that grew in weather conditions that were exactly opposite to the ones provided by their modern city environment. It was as if she was trying to prove something…
They skipped desert and took their coffee in the living room. Deliberately, avoiding the ‘difficult subject’.Finally, Colin followed Seamus into his study, kissing Patricia good night.
He sat across from him. Seamus, lit a cigar, offered him one – Colin passed – and sat leaning back on his chair behind the desk... Waiting, wondering if Colin would dare say what he thought he had come here to say.
Colin breathed in and stared into his father’s eyes “I’m leaving MC&M Seamus. I’ll hand in my resignation tomorrow”
Seamus breathed out smoke and chuckled under his breath “Not good enough for you, is it?”
Colin shook his head “Just not for me, that’s all. Anyway, I’m not cut out for the job either”
Seamus set his cigar on a giant ornate wooden ashtray and brushed the dust off his desk. With each stroke he inspected the tip of his fingers and blew whatever microscopic remains stuck to them. “I understand. You need to take some time off. It’s ok… I know. Do whatever you want; spend time with Laura, travel abroad, it doesn’t matter. Your job will be waiting for you when you get back.”
Colin breathed in and shook his head, trying to remain calm “No, Seamus… that’s not what I meant. I’m saying I don’t want the job. Ever”
“Do you want to work in another field? I thought literature was your thing, but maybe I was wrong… Do whatever you like, Colin… MC&M is your home.” Deep down Seamus felt sorry for his son. He figured he must be hurting. What he had gone through these past few days was obviously clouding his judgment.
Colin was losing his temper “MC&M will never be my home, Seamus. It is a cold and calculating brewing pot” Colin regretted having said that and immediately added “For someone who hasn’t got an appetite for high staking businesses”

Seamus sat upright and fixed his eyes on Colin’s. What was it that he wanted now? What ridiculously unprofitable idea did he have in mind? How could he do this to him over and over again? Waste his talent; throw it away constantly to pursue meaningless goals.
“I’ve been thinking about doing something else for some time now”
He put the cigar back in his mouth “I’m listening”
Colin paused trying to recall the determination with which he had walked the streets that night towards his parents' superlative building. He had played this conversation in his mind a dozen times before he got into the elevator. He knew what he wanted; all he needed was his father’s financial support to get started.
Colin sat back and placed his hands on his thighs "I want to open a bookstore”
“A bookstore? Because there aren’t enough in this town already”
“This is a different kind of bookstore… nothing this town has seen so far”
Seamus sighed. This is so typical, he thought. Colin always thought of doing things 'differently'. Regardless of the fact that the rest of the sensible world knew, that a certain way of doing something had proved to be the best way. Still, Colin would insist on coming up with new ways, and of course failing dreadfully and systematically in the process.
“So you need money for this different bookstore?” he mocked him slightly
Colin nodded resentfully. He had saved some money these past few years, but that would hardly cover a small percentage of the cost.
“Of course I’ll pay you back...” he paused “...with interest. I’ll sign anything you want me to”
Seamus took his cigarette and turned his chair to look at the window behind him. Colin focused on the smoke meandering towards the ceiling from the tall leather back of his father’s armchair.
They sat in silence for a while. Colin rubbed his thighs nervously waiting for Seamus’ answer.
“Ok” Seamus continued to face the window “Take whatever you need, whatever you think is enough”
Colin smiled relieved. A sense of accomplishment flooded him disguised as a warmth, that crawled from underneath the Persian carpet, and into the rest of his shivering body.
“Thanks, you have no idea how much this means to me”
Seamus turned to face him. There was a certain melancholy in his gaze. “I do expect you to pay me back, though. No papers needed. In the end, a man’s word is all he really owns”
Colin nodded as Seamus stretched out his hand.Hurriedly he stood up, shook it, and walked out of the room before he could change his mind.
Seamus glanced at his watch. Exactly fifteen minutes later he put out his cigar, walked into the lobby and grabbed his coat and hat.
Opening the front door he yelled “I’m going out, Pat… don’t wait up”


Chapter 63

John walked Claire to her car. “Claire, you need to relax. The fact that the entire state of New York might know that Zach’s novel is dedicated to you does not mean: a) that they have actually read it and b) that they assume everything he describes in his novel really happened.”
Claire stopped and turned to look at him. He was right! They had nothing on her… well, almost nothing. I mean, people knew about her relationship with him, but that was all they had real proof of. The rest could have just been a product of his ‘Wilder’ imagination.
She felt relaxed and relieved. In an impulse she jumped to hug him; he had just lifted a heavy load off her shoulders.
John laughed and hugged her back. They stood locked in each others arms for a while, a few feet away from her parked car. John closed his eyes, intoxicated by her smell as he gently stroked her hair. The thought of Claire’s body against his made his heart race. He was holding the woman he wanted.

John had fought against his feelings for her these past weeks. He wasn’t used to having to work so hard for someone, and convinced himself she wasn’t worth it. Those thoughts evaporated from his mind now, as his hand traveled along her lean body and his cheek rested on her silk like hair. The thought of her going back to Ryan after spending the evening together, tormented him. What he felt for her had gone beyond infatuation… he loved her and needed to possess her at any cost.

Claire stared blankly into the road ahead; a slight shiver ran through her body as her breasts pressed against his chest. John possessed a certain sex appeal that was hard to miss, and having seen him without a shirt today, had awakened in her strange feelings. Feelings she never thought she would have for him.
She paced her breathing and gently pushed him away, trying to make it look as natural as possible.
He let her go, and without even pausing to consider, lifted his hand and caressed her cheek. Claire looked down, embarrassed. Hoping the moment would pass and they’d be back to their usual ‘friendly’ selves again.He lifted her face by the chin, and gathering confidence, kissed her; softly brushing her lips with his.
Claire did not kiss him back. (She did not turn her face away either). She stood paralyzed with her eyes closed, fearing she would collapse as her knees weakened.
She opened her eyes slowly and found him gazing at her inquisitively. She licked her lips and looked away.
John nodded, sighed and walked out of the parking lot and into the road that led back to Main Street.

She walked around the house in search of him; still slightly uncomfortable, at the thought of John’s kiss lingering on her lips. Ryan sat in the backyard, holding his guitar and strumming at the strings intermittently. After trying one chord a couple of times, he stopped and scribbled enthusiastically on a piece of paper. He repeated this routine quite a few times, and Claire thought she recognized the tune. The combination sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite place the song in her mind.
She walked up to him, quietly, trying not to break his concentration; set her bags on a chaise lounge and sat to contemplate him as he faced the other way. Ryan looked painfully sexy in loose faded jeans, barefoot and holding a pen in his mouth. He leaned his head straining to listen to the chords and adjusted the tension on a particular string. (More scribbling).

Claire paused to consider how Ryan led a life completely different to what she had imagined most celebrities did. No wild partying and endless photo shoots, no peculiar and irrational whims or requests. No voracious spending or extravagant tastes. As if fame and fortune were merely by products of his uncluttered existence.
Or were they? Maybe he did long for all the pampers and gratifications of notoriety; but had avoided them ever since they started seeing each other. Had he given up on all of that, just to be with her? Wouldn’t he rather be out, cruising the legendary New York night scene, than hang out with her in a secluded weekend home in the Hamptons? Experimenting on the hot ‘new’ drug out on the street or having threesomes with models and beautiful young actresses? Ryan could probably do and get away with whatever he wanted. Was she holding him back? Taking away experiences he might later regret?

Claire had always known what she wanted out of life. She wanted a soul mate, someone she could make a home with, maybe have a few kids, to fathom – as her mother had once told her – the 'unparalleled miracle of motherhood'. She wanted to write, to experience a small glimpse of timeless existence by pouring words onto an empty canvas, and watching them linger unchanged on the shelf of a remote and secluded bookstore or library. If one person would read it. If just a single soul would experience life through her eyes for an hour, a minute, an instant… she would be content. A certain and forbidden intimacy with a faceless being, possessing own thoughts and ideas. A shared moment in time.
She wanted to feel safe and appreciated; to love someone despite and because of all his flaws. She did not long to be another person’s one and only passion. Quite the contrary in fact; Claire thought loving and being loved was about adding up passion, not replacing it. She could never respect someone who had given up his personal goals to be with her. Not that she thought relationships did not imply giving up on certain things; human beings are selfish creatures and sharing your life meant compromising. Meeting half way in most aspects of life… except your passions, the things that made suffering ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ worthwhile.

At one point in her life she thought she had found that perfect balance: being with Zach. Looking back now, she knew it hadn’t been as perfect as she had wanted to believe it once was. Zach and Claire shared similar passions and activities, hence making it easy for them to compromise without really giving anything up. Had she fooled herself into believing they were right for each other? Had she really been true to herself during their relationship? Had she written about the things she wanted, or had Zach’s influence and knowledge pushed her into exploring what he thought was important? The truth was that during those 3 years they had spent together, she had been some kind of an appendix, an addition, a supplement to him. He had been the teacher and Claire the student, athirst of knowledge and instruction. There hadn’t been any real balance in their relationship. Zach had been the be-all and end-all of her existence, and though the memories seemed blurred and slightly biased, she wondered how much of the real Claire he had allowed her to be.
She smiled, remembering the first line in his novel:
“He knew now the passion she had felt for him, at such young and vulnerable age, was just an accessory to the passion itself”

And John? What about him? Was he the ‘more suitable choice’? – Claire, quoted Morris in her mind – Was his educational background and literary inclinations more in harmony with what she had decided to devote her life to? John had made clear his intentions towards her, and Claire had to admit she was not entirely indifferent to him. Of course, there were no butterflies in her stomach whenever she saw him, no feelings of anticipation when their eyes met. Still, recalling the kiss he had thievishly taken from her, she acknowledged having felt something. A slight, almost imperceptible electricity that had traveled along her entire body and that seemed to linger in her, all the drive back to the house. She hadn’t kissed him back; but was it because he caught her off guard, or was it because she didn’t feel that way towards him? Claire honestly did not know the answer to that question. If nothing had happened between them, why did she feel so guilty about the incident? If John was nothing but a good friend, why did she still twitch at the thought of their recent encounter?

She grinned reflecting how her present situation resembled the plot of a silly and amateur novel; full of shallow complexities and ludicrous coincidences. Of course, if this were the case, the writer would probably come up with a ‘deus ex machina’, challenging the reader’s suspension of disbelief by solving the present dilemma, and concluding the story with an unlikely, though agreeable ending.

“Sneaking up on me, are you Brickwell?” Ryan set his guitar to the side and smiled at her. Claire came back from her thoughts abruptly and smiled bashfully
“How long have you been here?” he sounded slightly concerned
“Oh… just a few minutes” Claire lied “If you’re worried about your music… I didn’t get to hear more than two or three chords” she stood up and walked to where he was sitting
Ryan sighed relieved as she bent down to kiss him. He stood up, their lips still stuck together, and wrapped his arms around her, deepening their kiss.
As their lips parted, Claire closed her eyes freeing her mind of all her speculations, completely carried away by his touch.
“What’s in those bags?”

Chapter 64

“Just a minute!” Eva yelled as she hurried into her robe and wrapped her wet hair in a towel.
She checked the peephole, sighed and opened the door.
“What took you so long?” Seamus walked in, pecked her on the lips, removed his coat and hat and handed them to her.
“I was in the shower” she placed both items on the hanger near the door “What about your set of keys?” she fixed her robe
Seamus walked to the bar and fixed himself a drink. He looked up to her and shook his head “You know there’s no reason for me to come here unless you’re here. I don’t need keys, I only keep them in case you ever get locked out”
Eva let her hair down and began to massage it with the towel. “Are you hungry?”
He sat on the couch “No, just had a family dinner” he bent over to grab a cigarette.
Eva walked to the couch and sat next to him “Were the boys there too?”
He lit it nodding and breathed out smoke “Colin was” he sipped his drink
Eva took a drag from his cigarette and stared at him, waiting. He had obviously come here to tell her about it.
He paused, sat back and turned to look at her “I think I’m losing him, Eva. He’s finally broken the last bond that held us together.”
Eva nodded and caressed his face affectionately. “He quit MC&M?”
Seamus sighed nodding and closed his eyes.
She stopped to contemplate him. Seamus looked old, tired; almost beat. When had this happened? When had mighty Seamus turned into this tattered and feeble old man? They had been together for almost 20 years… and during most of this time she had marveled at his strength and stamina. At some point she had even thought he was immortal, perennial. Seamus had represented to her the living concept of Nietzsche’s ‘Will to Power’. However, these past few months, it seemed as if he had aged a decade; suddenly, abruptly. It was not in the way he looked; Seamus had the same few grey hairs spackled across his forelock and subtle sideburns; his body was still toned as a result of his daily workout, and his skin, though slightly wrinkled now, still possessed the gentle roughness of a 40 year old. His mind was still as fast as it had been when she had first met him, and his ‘performance’ in bed gave her nothing to complain about.It was his soul, his spirit, his monumental will what had decayed. Of course, to the rest of the world, Seamus remained as ruthless a character as he had always been. But as he crossed the threshold and walked into her apartment, his pose changed; his shoulders relaxed, his back bent, his pupils contracted and he surrendered to the one person who really knew him.
At this point in his life, he needed her more than she needed him.

Seamus told Eva about Colin’s ridiculous idea to open a bookstore, and about how he had agreed to sponsor him throughout it. He talked painfully about Laura’s miscarriage and how he had been looking forward to having a grandchild; an heir to the McNamara name and fortune. His eyes moistened as he admitted the fact that Colin and himself had become like strangers, who seemed to be going through the motions of being father and son only when Patricia was around. He knew Colin admired and respected him, but found he seemed determined to become his exact opposite.

Eva listened attentively, just as she had, for the last 20 years; nodding endlessly, and holding his hand. At some point she began to consider what the other side of the story was. What did Colin have to say about Seamus? How did he experience all of this? What were his regrets and disappointments, his hopes and ambitions? All this time, Eva had seen half of the picture, a very detailed and probably sincere half… but only half. She now wanted the whole picture, she wanted to walk around and stare at it from different angles and lighting; to remove herself from Seamus’ biased point of view, and step closer to examine the colors, or step back to appreciate the perspective. His half was not enough for her now, she needed more.
They didn’t make love that night. Seamus lay in her bed fully clothed while Eva held him; rubbing the hair on the back of his neck. He fell asleep almost immediately. Eva lay awake pondering on the missing brush strokes she yearned to discover.


They walked into the house and Claire set the bags on the living room table. She grabbed the book on East Hampton and handed it to Ryan. “I thought it might be a nice present for Bill and Tess, from us”
Ryan flicked through the pages nodding “Looks good, yeah… I like it”
“We could write a small dedication on the first page…”
“Absolutely. Nice touch, Brickwell!” he smiled and set the book on the sofa next to him
She then got the plaid trunks and stretched them in front of him “Like these? I thought they were stunning!”
Ryan laughed shaking his head as he took them and measured them on top of his jeans “Claire you shouldn’t have… they’re awesome… very, very cool” he stepped forward and kissed her thankfully. Next, Claire took the chambray shirt and shook it, gesturing him to try it on.“Try this one on. I can return it if the size’s not right”
Ryan shook his head again smiling and tried it on. It was perfect. He lifted his eyebrows surprised at how well it fit “The fabric feels great!”
Claire nodded smiling “I know; that’s why I got it. Of course, I tried it on and it looked terrible on me”
Ryan stretched his arms to the back testing its flexibility. It was just right “How did you know my size?”
She might as well tell him “Oh, funny story” she walked towards the sofa and sat down, trying to hide her anxiety “So, I came across this shirt in the store and of course, wondered if it would fit, especially considering your chest and back have almost doubled in the last month! Anyway, then it hit me. I looked around the store for someone with a similar body, and came across a guy who was slightly shorter that you, but had a similar back size. And here’s the funny part… do you know who that guy turned out to be?”
Ryan shook his head, not completely sure if he found any of this ‘funny’.
“John Hunter! Can you imagine the coincidence? It seems he owns a house here and decided to spend the weekend at the beach too!”
“Wow!” Ryan said sarcastically
“Anyway, he offered to try it on and then showed me a nearby bookstore where I got Bill’s book” she got up and started folding the bags neatly
Ryan sat back on the couch and grabbed the cigarettes from his back pocket. He lit one, setting the box on the table in front of him.
Claire smiled at him “It looks really good on you, baby”
Ryan licked his lips and forced a smile. He was not happy about Hunter’s all too familiar coincidences. He wondered how naïve Claire actually was. It was obvious he was up to something, and sooner or later Ryan would have to put an end to it.
Claire walked to the kitchen and set the bags on the table. Her body shivered as she sensed Ryan’s reaction to her recent encounter with John. Did he suspect anything? Had her story given her away? It was impossible. There was no way Ryan could ever know about John’s kiss.
As she fixed her eyes on one of the kitchen cabinets ahead, she breathed in hoping sneaky Carl had been nowhere near the parking lot at the time.

Chapter 65

Claire jumped off the SUV just as Ryan killed the engine. They had decided upon Cittanuova, a contemporary Italian cuisine trattoria, in the heart of East Hampton. It wasn’t the most popular restaurant in the area, but both of them wanted to avoid ‘the scene’ and fancied some good Italian pasta.
She fixed her Mango green translucent shirt, making sure her cleavage was ‘under control’; flattened out the creases on her favorite short black H&M pleated skirt and tugged at the buckles that held it onto her hips. Before closing the door, she stretched for her purse.
Ryan walked around the car holding a half-way consumed cigarette, and Claire waited for him to finish it. He looked great in his new chambray shirt and beige pants; his skin glowing after a whole day in the sun.
He put the cigarette out and they walked into the restaurant, (Ryan had made reservations while Claire was in the shower). They walked up to the hostess “Gosling” Ryan smiled at her.
“Party of two, right?” the hostess blushed mildly as she recognized Ryan
He nodded and set his hand on Claire’s back, rubbing it affectionately.
“Follow me, please”
They walked all the way to the back of the restaurant into a dimly lit and isolated corner. Claire figured Ryan had asked for a romantic and quiet spot. She slid into the round black booth and set her purse on the side. Ryan sat beside her, reached for his cell phone and placed it on the table along with the car keys.
“Would you like to order something to drink?”
Ryan nodded requesting a Pinot Grigio (Claire had never tasted that wine before).
“And Mrs. Gosling?” the hostess looked at her
Claire, somewhat surprised, shook her head and ordered some fresh water.
“Ok, your waiter will be right with you in a minute” she set two menus on the table and walked away
Ryan turned to look at her smiling “Hey there, Mrs. Gosling?” he laughed teasingly.
Claire didn’t consider any of this even remotely amusing. “I thought she recognized you. Doesn’t she know you’re single?”
“Well maybe she just thinks we make a really cute couple and ought to get married” he brushed the lock of hair that fell on her shoulder and bent to kiss her neck.
“Should I go ask her how many kids we ought to have?”
“Maybe you should” he sat back and winked at her
Claire breathed in “It’s not funny, Gosling. These misunderstandings lead to silly gossip about your romantic life”
“Our romantic life. And why do you care? Is it so terrible for people to think that we got married on a whim?”
“It’s just not the kind of person I am. I would never do something like that.”
“That’s too bad. It feels good to do things on an impulse every once in a while”
“Yeah, things like getting a new haircut or a fake tattoo… not decisions that are supposed to last for a lifetime. I happen to believe marriage is a serious institution, and when I do decide to get married I want to be 100% sure of the giant step I’m about to take” Claire felt slightly uncomfortable discussing this topic with Ryan after today’s events.
He paused to gaze at her “So it never even remotely occurred to you that we might get married some day?” he sensed a palpable distance between them
“Ryan, we’ve only known each other for what... a month and a half? Don’t you think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself?” she looked around the restaurant nervously
He breathed out, wondering if Claire was starting to have second thoughts about their relationship. Was she trying to tell him something? Did Hunter have anything to do with this? “Look, Claire, I’m not saying we should get married today or even next month. What I mean is that I don’t find the idea so outrageous”
“Good evening, I’m Petra. I will be your waitress tonight” a slim brunette wearing a Cittanuova black T shirt interrupted them smiling, as she held out her notepad and searched for her pen. “Are you ready to order?”
Claire opened her menu as Ryan shook his head at Petra “We’re going to need more time”
“Ok! Whenever you’re ready” she smiled politely and walked away
Ryan took the menu away from her, and pulled her chin slightly, turning her face towards him. He fixed his eyes on her “Do you?”
“Huh?”
“Do you find it outrageous?” he looked concerned
Claire licked her lips and swallowed “I never said that” she lifted her glass and sipped some water
Ryan scratched his beard, his eyes still fixed on hers. “Then what, Claire? Is there something you want to tell me?”
She shook her head childishly. How could she say what she wanted to say? How could she tell him that the thought of committing to a long term serious relationship with him, terrified her. She knew she was being prejudiced, but Ryan was a movie star. He would probably live on the fast track for at least 10 more years; constantly meeting new women; gorgeous and probably extremely talented women. Women most men fantasized about; iconic figures of beauty and perfection. He would get to work with them, spend hours, nights, days… share intimate moments, kiss, touch, fondle… it was too much of a temptation. How could she ever compete with them? How? Of course she wanted to be with him! Her body told her so every time he stood inches away from her, her skin, her lips… in helpless revolution just at the thought of his touch.
But Claire had done enough foolish things in her life… and taking Ryan this seriously could prove to be a huge mistake. A mistake she might never recover from. Right now everything was new and exciting; they were working together, sharing their passion for a common project. And although A Multitude of Sins would probably keep them together for the next 6 months or so… it would eventually come to an end, and they’d be new and different challenges for both of them. Challenges that would gradually and inexorably tear them apart.
She didn’t think she could take the heartbreak. It had taken her years to recover from Zach, and considering she loved Ryan a thousand times more, she could hardly even begin to fathom the utter devastation she would feel when he left her for another young and fresh Hollywood discovery. She needed to be reasonable about this; it was a matter of looking after one’s self, of simple and basic survival.
Don’t get too attached, just enjoy the ride; while it lasts – she told herself. Even if Ryan was serious about taking the next step with her at some point in their relationship; how long would that last? Buying large country estates and getting divorced seemed to be celebrities’ favorite activities. Why should he be any different? It came with the package: ‘Marry a movie star, live carefree for a couple of years and walk out with a millionaire settlement that will probably set you for life. Stamped and shipped all over the country; main offices in Los Angeles, CA’. As tempting as it might sound, that was not the kind of package she had bargained for.

As she felt her eyes begin to moisten, she got up and walked to the restroom. Ryan sat back, lifted his glass and drank some wine; he could not understand what was going through her mind. He browsed the restaurant making sure nobody was watching and slid out of the booth.

Claire put down the seat on one of the toilettes and sat, crossing her legs and staring into the closed door ahead. She heard someone flush, a few cubicles away, and held her breath lifting her feet from the floor. The sound of water running, followed by the hot air dryer, sharp stilettos and a door slamming shut.
She breathed out and placed her feet back on the floor. What would she tell Ryan now? How would she go about explaining her sudden and odd behavior? PMS? She didn’t think guys went for that anymore.
This was totally unlike her. She had always prided herself of being somewhat of a balanced and steady young woman; avoiding infantile outbreaks and silly tantrums. Boy, I could really use a cigarette right now! She sighed and tapped her feet nervously. She looked at her watch and considered that the longer she was away, the harder it would be to come up with an excuse for her irrational outburst. Oh well, I’ll think of something – she stood up and fixed her skirt.
Just as she was about to open the door, she heard a soft tapping on it. Did someone want to use this particular cubicle considering the other three were empty?
“Just a minute!” she turned and flushed, pretending she had actually used the toilet.
She opened the door to find Ryan standing right in front of her; his arms crossed; his gaze full of determination.

Chapter 66

Colin and Aidan walked across the run down building in a dream like state of amazement. It was perfect, too perfect. Brick walls, wooden floors, dimly lit rooms. There was a certain ambience to it, religious one might think. The air was thick and stuffy from the years it had been closed down and abandoned. Aidan went up the stairs, carefully tapping on each step to make sure it would hold. Once he reached the top he yelled “Mac, this is beyond phenomenal! You need to check this out now!”
Colin could hear him as he treaded along the wooden boards that held the second storey.
He chuckled under his breath and ran up the winding staircase, completely oblivious of its striking sounds and moans. He stopped to examine the room: a vast and luminous space surrounded by more brick walls. He looked up and found a glass roof that charged the room with light and life. It was a peculiar combination of textures: brick, wood and glass… but somehow, it worked.
In the far end, a wooden door. Aidan, anticipating Colin’s next move, ran to open it. Behind it, a second room, half the size, with a small but fully equipped bathroom next to it. It had probably been someone’s bedroom at some point, as it displayed a medium sized closet and an elegant wooden bookcase nailed to the wall. Aidan walked up to the window opposite and checked the view: a panoramic vision of the street below.
“I could totally live here!” Aidan jerked the rusty handle and opened the window
Colin smiled “Why don’t you? It would save us thousands of dollars on night security and alarm systems. Besides, the dump where you’re staying at right now is ridiculously expensive”
Aidan turned to look at him and lifted his eyebrows.
“There’s a small kitchen downstairs, and you could use the rest of it when we’re closed”
“So you think we should get this place?” Aidan closed the window.
Colin nodded
“Mac… the owner said he wants to sell; not rent. Can you afford a place like this?”
Colin rubbed his chin and looked around the room once more “Seamus said I could take as much as I wanted. What’s a few hundred thousand to him?”
Aidan smiled and rubbed his hands together mischievously “We’ll have fun, fun, fun till daddy takes the plastic away!”
Colin laughed and held out his hand, gesturing him to slow down “I still need to pay him back, though”
“He didn’t say when, did he?” he stopped rubbing his hands
Colin shook his head. Nonetheless, he wanted to clear his debt as soon as possible. Owing Seamus money was a way of letting him control his life. And then, owning this bookstore would be just like working in MC&M: continuing to tread on his giant and never ending domain.
“Should we make him an offer today?” he looked at Colin, barely able to hide the excitement in his eyes.
“Sure, why not? We could have this place ready and running in two weeks”
“Alright!!” He jumped to grab Colin’s head, bending it and rubbing his hair playfully with his fist. Colin struggled to free himself laughing. Aidan, with his arm around Colin’s neck, and pretending to address an imaginary crowd, exclaimed “I love this man! I seriously worship this man!”.

Getting the bookstore ready proved harder than they had imagined. They worked around the clock fixing the large wooden shelves and nailing them to the walls; installing an elaborate system of lighting that would enable their customers to read comfortably, without jeopardizing the innate churchly and spiritual atmosphere that breathed between those walls. Colin bought the furniture they needed at an antique store in a flea market across town; and Aidan used the money he got back from his deposit to buy himself a king size bed and a few kitchen utensils.
During their lunch and dinner breaks they carefully selected the exclusive prose that would cover the walls of their dawning enterprise. It was while doing so that Colin came across what would later become the hallmark of their quaint and mystical bookstore...
As he researched books on ancient history; he came across a reference to The Book of Ballymote. Named for the parish of Ballymote, County Sligo, and written in 1390. It was produced by the scribes Solam Ó Droma, Robertus Mac Sithigh and Magnus Ó Duibhgennain, on commission by Tonnaltagh McDonagh, in the possession of whose clan the manuscript remained until 1522. Soon, it was purchased by Aed Óg O'Donnell, prince of Tír Conaill, for 140 milk cows. In 1620 it was given to Trinity College, Dublin, but was subsequently stolen from the library, and only returned to the Royal Irish Academy upon its foundation in 1785, by Chevalier O'Gorman (who allegedly purchased it from a millwright's widow in Drogheda for 20 pounds).
This celebrated icon of ancient literature had apparently been assembled from a collection of miscellaneous manuscripts. The last one included in the series is known as the Ogham Tract, dealing with ninety-two varieties of an ancient Celtic script called collectively by the name Ogham, meaning ‘grooved writing’. It is thought that this name may be derived from the ancient Greek word ogme meaning ‘groove’, though some Celtic tradition attributes the name to a god called Ogmios.


Claire jumped back surprised at the sight of him. Ryan stretched both his arms and set them on either side of the cubicle door, leaning slightly forward, and blocking the exit. His blue eyes fixed on hers as she backed off and almost fell into the seat behind her.
He sighed, knitted his brow and shook his head “Claire, I don’t know what it is you’re trying to do; but whatever silly and childish insecurities you might have about us, they have got to stop! I love you and I know you love me too; so quit acting like a spoiled brat and talk to me!” He paused and looked down “Are you having second thoughts about us? Is there someone else?” He licked his upper lip and lifted his head to look back at her.
Claire stood half paralyzed and shook her head as she looked away embarrassed.
“Are you sure?” still frowning, he put his hand on his chest.
She nodded and swallowed, feeling ridiculously infantile
“Ok, then!” he moved towards her and grabbing the back of her neck suddenly, kissed her tempestuously; with such strength it almost seemed he wanted their mouths to weld into each other. Simultaneously, his leg kicked the door shut behind him.
Claire gasped for air as Ryan lifted her by her thighs and pushed her against one of the white wooden panels on the side. One hand on her back, stopping it from hitting her. Claire locked her legs around his hips trying to prevent from falling. He slid his hand under her skirt and touched her. The dozens of reasons she could think of for not doing this here, completely vanished as she surrendered helplessly. She kissed him desperately and stretched her arms to hold on to the upper edge of the thin wooden panel. Sensing she was in a secure position now, he unbuttoned her shirt slowly as they gazed into each others eyes. Ryan noticed how her chest heaved as she panted. He slid down her bra and kissed her tenderly, savoring every inch of her breasts and belly. As she tightened the grip around his hips, she felt him aroused. Her body pounding, as if it demanded her to feel him inside her. She let go her arms and unbuckled his belt and pants pulling him against her.She closed her eyes as he entered her slowly, almost teasing her into wanting him. His gaze fixed on her as she relaxed every single muscle in her body and gave into the warm pleasure of feeling him rest inside of her.
Suddenly they heard a noise: the sound of the restroom door opening, immediately followed by heels hitting the ceramic floor. Ryan covered her mouth with his hand as he continued to move quietly. Claire pressed her lips together straining to keep her high pitched moans from escaping. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed and breathed hot air into her chest. The thought of being discovered by a stranger aroused new feelings in her; she had never done something like this before.
They heard the toilet flush, more tapping of heels on ceramic and water running, while a feminine voice hummed a familiar tune… Ryan paused and peeped through the tiny crack on the side of the door. A tall, slim woman in her mid 30’s grabbed a few paper towels, dried off her hands and leaned closer to the mirror to check her make up and hair. One final glimpse at her own reflection in the mirror, and she walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind her.
Ryan breathed out relieved, removed his hand from Claire’s mouth and thrust himself deep inside of her. Claire moaned as they kissed, hoping there would be no more interruptions.

Ryan slid back into their booth and fixed his shirt. He sipped some wine and gestured Petra ordering two pasta courses: Spaghetti con Ricotta and Penne al Pomodoro. He mentioned Claire would be back in no time.
“Excellent choices Mr. Gosling” Petra smiled and hurried back towards the bar.
A couple of minutes later, Claire got to their table, her face still slightly blushing from their recent encounter. Ryan poured wine into her glass and handed it to her as she sat next to him, fixing her skirt and crossing her long lean legs. She gulped half the glass and Ryan chuckled as she put her hand on her chest and breathed in, trying to regain her composure.
She sat back and he leaned over to kiss her, his hand brushing her thigh softly. Claire pecked him back and pushed him away from her “Not enough for you, was it, Gosling?”
He shook his head smiling and pressed the upper part of her thigh.
“Ouch!” she stretched to get his glass “Just drink your wine, will you?”
He took the glass, sighed and sat back, his hand still resting on her thigh.
“Have you ordered our food? I’m famished!” he nodded and stood up
“Mind if I have a smoke while we wait for it?” He grabbed his cell phone and put it in his pocket.
Claire shook her head and sipped more wine.Ryan walked outside, breathed in deeply, and lit one. He smiled as he noticed her scent all over his clothes and body.

Chapter 67

Claire walked around the living room carpet naked, picking up her clothes. Ryan gazed at her smiling as she lifted cushions and pushed the furniture in search for her bra.
“You know, Gosling, there happens to be a perfectly good and ridiculously huge bed up in Bill’s bedroom!” she kept on looking “Now where the fuck did you toss my bra?”
Ryan laughed “What’s the fun of that? Besides you’re the one to blame, Brickwell” He stood up, slid into this pants and began to look for the missing bra.
Claire sneered back, grabbed a cushion and threw it at him “How am I to blame? You’re the one who attacked me as soon as we stepped into the house!”
Ryan dunk and pointed at the bundle of clothes she was holding “It’s those sexy clothes you wear! What do you expect? A see-through shirt and a tiny black skirt… Claire, I’m only human!”
“So you’re saying that by wearing these” she shook the clothes she was holding “I’m officially asking for sex in a toilet and all around the living room carpet?” She was not amused
“Well…” he scratched the side of his neck
“Just… shut up Gosling… I really don’t need this now! How far could the damn thing go?”
Ryan paused to look at her as she kept flipping the cushions in the air and muttering under her breath. She looked so beautiful when she was mad. They hadn’t had a real fight since they were together; maybe a few misunderstandings but no real fight. Still, he really enjoyed these petty arguments, Claire seemed to lose and regain her temper almost simultaneously.
It shocked him to think how much he felt he knew her after these two months, and yet, his body yearned for her just like it did, the first time he saw her. So much had happened since then and - setting aside Zach’s infamous novel and John’s equivocal intentions - whatever superior being existed beyond them, Ryan thought, seemed to be rooting for him. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.
He turned to look across the large windows and into the backyard; lit by the reflection of the moon in the water. As he did so, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the elusive bra and walked over to get it. He picked it up smiling and walked up to the sofa to grab his new shirt.
Claire kept crawling along the carpet impatiently. He let the bra hang loosely in front of her as he held it in his hand. She looked up confused, and broke into a smile. She got up and took it; examining it to make sure it was hers. Ryan handed her his shirt “Put this on or they’ll be more sex on the carpet” He winked at her as she grabbed the shirt and hastefully put it on.

The night before they opened, Colin and Aidan held a small gathering at Ogham: Wine and pancakes. Patrick and Victoria were the first to arrive, followed by three beautiful girls Aidan had met at the store that same day (while he got the wine). Later they were joined by a few of Colin’s friends from MC&M: his adorable 60 year old secretary, Pam; Tom, the fellow who parked cars and Alex, a talented young writer who desperately needed the money. Patricia and O’Reilly were the last to arrive – she had groomed herself and dressed up for the occasion -. Laura, as usual, was not feeling very well, and Seamus… well, Seamus had sent O’Reilly.
Patricia handed Colin a bottle “He will never admit it, but he got it for this special occasion”
Colin stared back at her confused and examined the bottle further. It was a Middleton Very Rare Irish Whiskey. Colin gasped, stunned. This whisky was only available in strictly limited quantities; as just a small number of casks of the finest distillates were personally selected by the Master Distiller each year. It was usually reserved for the appreciation of only the most discerning judges of fine whiskey.
Aidan was in charge of the cooking and stuck mostly to the kitchen, dazzling his young and loud guests as he adroitly tossed and flipped the pancakes in the air. Colin picked the music: Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughn, Carmen McRae, Nina Simone and Joe Williams among others. After circling the room to make sure everyone was comfortable and their glasses were full; he finally sat to savor some wine and a (dreadfully cold) pancake.
Patricia walked around with O’Reilly, dictating an endless list of fundamental items she thought were missing, as he nodded obligingly and scribbled on a notepad. Patrick sat by Victoria long enough to finish off his pancake, and rushed into the kitchen, drawn by the sound of female cheers. Pam moved along the couch to speak to Victoria, complimenting her on the beautiful dress she was wearing and on how it brought out her slender figure. Tom ate as many pancakes as he could in one sitting, and spent the rest of the night browsing through the endless display of books.
“This is really great, Colin!” Alex sat beside him staring in admiration “How did you do it?”
“Well, I just nailed a few shelves to the walls, bought some used furniture…”
Alex shook his head grinning “I mean, step up to Seamus like you did. It must have taken a lot of guts. The old man is completely impervious”
Colin gazed at him and nodded. He stopped to consider what he had accomplished these past two weeks… It was more than he had ever done in 30 years. Not Ogham of course, he wouldn’t have been able to get this place if it weren’t for Seamus’ infinite bank account; it was the fact that he had finally confronted him and acted against his will.
(His shoulders relaxed as his chin lifted almost imperceptibly). He sipped his wine sensing a newly found feeling of confidence in him. He had done good, and for the first time in his life he was proud of himself.

He was brought back from his thoughts by a woman’s sudden shriek. Patricia had climbed on top of O’Reilly, just as Rosencrantz jumped off one of the shelves. Victoria ran to grab him as Colin helped his mother down, comforting her as she muttered anxiously under her breath “God forsaken creatures! Jumping up on you like this! Look at it Colin, it is a vicious carnivore… !”
Colin fought back the laughter and led her to an armchair as he handed her a glass of wine. “It’s ok Patricia, he’s under control now”
Victoria patted Rosencrantz as he purred delightfully, and smiled at Colin.
Pam, Tom and Alex left somewhat early; they had to work the next day (MC&M opened at 6 am sharp for most employees). Patricia, still slightly perturbed by her recent feline incident, kissed her son goodnight and walked out with her gaze fixed on the shelves and ceiling; O’Reilly patted Colin’s back affectionately, and rushed to follow Patricia. Aidan and his three boisterous guests put their coats on mentioning there was a party downtown, and inviting Colin to join them. Colin passed, as he cleared the table of dirty dishes and glasses.
Patrick walked out of the kitchen holding his cell phone and spoke to Victoria “I need to stop by the office, there’s been a problem with one of our client’s billing. It’s probably going to take a while.” He rubbed her arms as she stared at him trying to hide her disappointment. Lately, his office seemed to be having quite a lot of ‘midnight trouble’.
“I was thinking I’d drop these guys off on my way downtown” he pointed at the cheerful bunch. “Our place is exactly the opposite way, but I can take you there anyway and then turn back… I dunno if the guys at the office are going to be too happy about it; they’re already expecting me”
Victoria shook her head and smiled “You go ahead, I can take a cab home”
“Are you sure? It’s no trouble really, let those guys rot in the office for all I care”
Colin was amazed at his impeccable performance; his brother was a truly gifted con artist.
She shook her head again “I’m sure… go ahead. I’ll be fine, I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me”
“You’re the best, you know that, don’t you? He leaned and kissed her cheek affectionately. “I’ll probably just crash on the office couch, but I’ll call you first thing tomorrow, ok?”
She nodded as she held her arms across her chest and rubbed her shoulders.
Colin walked into the kitchen and put the last dirty glass into the sink. (He’d do the dishes tomorrow). As he stood there, thinking how unfair the whole thing was for Victoria, he got a glimpse of a couple whiskey glasses Aidan had brought from his former apartment. He grabbed them and walked back into the next room where Victoria sat quietly listening to the music, and rubbing Rosencrantz’ furry back.
He set the glasses on the table in front of her, grabbed Seamus’ unacknowledged gift, and poured some into both.
“Toast with me” He handed her a glass smiling. After a slight hesitation she took it and stood up.
“To Ogham; may it flourish enough to keep me as far away from MC&M as possible” he winked at her. Victoria broke into a smile as their glasses collided. Keeping their eyes fixed on each other they sipped the priceless liquor.

They sat in silence, enjoying the music and the delicate intensity of the Irish whiskey; Colin’s eyes fixed on her as she gently fondled Rosencrantz’ belly.
She looked at him “Do you have the number of a cab service I can call?”
Colin shook his head “You don’t need to call a cab, I can take you home if you want”
“You still own that old Dodge?”
He nodded “Lately it has a mind of its own… this week was not too bad, though”
She smiled, remembering how happy he had been the day Seamus gave it to him.He grabbed the cigarette pack from his pocket and offered her one.
She licked her lips “I really shouldn’t”, but took one anyway.
He lit both their cigarettes. After the first drag, they breathed out and sighed almost in unison.
She smiled at him “We’re being bad, aren’t we?”
He nodded grinning
“Feels good, though” she shrugged smiling and took another drag.
After finishing her cigarette, she stood up and set her glass on the table “May I use your bathroom?” she looked around trying to guess in which direction to walk.
Colin nodded and pointed towards the entrance “Right next to the ‘Bigots Kindly Refrain’ sign”
She grinned remembering the unusual sign, and turned to walk towards it.

A few minutes later, she walked back into the dimly lit room. As she did, At Last by Etta Jones began to play. Colin gazed at her; she had let her hair down and swayed bashfully to the sound of the music. She looked painfully beautiful; her long dark hair flowing onto the side of her arms and shoulders, her black and turquoise fitted dress; accentuating her subtle curves. He stood up and walked towards her in a trance.
Without uttering a single word he grabbed her by the waist, pulled her towards him and they began to slow dance.

Chapter 68

They drove to the beach early that morning, looking to catch some sun before heading back in the afternoon. The highways would probably be packed on the way back, so they figured they shouldn’t leave too late.
Ryan got a call from Mark, telling him about the walk-through on Monday, and making sure he knew which scenes he was planning to work on. He was pleased to know they were spending the weekend at the Hamptons and mentioned he owned a house nearby, more precisely on the way to Southhampton. He sent his love to Claire and reminded her of her unfinished novel.
Ryan laughed as Claire gestured him to keep quiet. She would let him know she had already finished it, in due time.
After hanging up the phone he turned to gaze at her “Are you thinking about writing another one?”
Claire laughed “Not just yet. I’d like to see how this one does, first. Maybe I’m not really cut out for this, you know”
He shook his head “Nonsense. I’m sure it’s brilliant. When do I get to read it?”
She paused to consider “Whenever you want to. A warning though, it’s not a very ‘masculine’ novel if you must know”
“I figured as much” he covered his eyes from the sun and licked his lips “I’ll try to get in touch with my feminine side”
She turned to look at him “Before Half Nelson I would have never believed there was an ounce of femininity in you… but now... well I just can’t tell”
He laughed and turned to look at the ocean. Claire lay back and closed her eyes. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”
“Huh?” he looked at her, Claire kept her eyes closed
“You’re starting to shoot, right?”
“We’ll probably rehearse the scenes a few times first and then try out different combinations… it’s not that hard, really”
“It still amazes me”
“What does?”
“The fact that you can do it in front of all those people. I’d be too embarrassed”
“Well you just shut them off I guess… in a way, that’s the drawback of the movie business”
“I don’t follow”
“Well… when you’re on a stage, it’s different, the audience is like your ally. Their reaction to the performance makes everything easier. When you’re shooting a movie, the actor is nothing but a by product… the director's the real catalyst”
“Wow Gosling, a chemical metaphor! I’m impressed!” she opened her eyes to glance at him “Still, I don’t think I get what you mean”
“Mark can do whatever he wants with the film, editing is the real art behind movie making”
“Oh…I see”
“And, performing in front of a babbling crew, with constant interruptions and throughout intermittent and endless make up fixes and brush-ups can be pretty annoying” he brushed the sand off his calves.
“Hmm… I never thought of that” she closed her eyes again
“How could you? You’ve never been in a movie set before. You’ll find out all about it on Monday…i.e., tomorrow”
Suddenly she remembered: Zach’s book presentation at the Met! She had completely forgotten about it; shoved it in the bottom drawer of her mind, just as she had done with his invitation.
Should she go? Should she finally confront him? If she could only find a way to be there without really being there! If she could listen to him describe the process, the concept... maybe ask a few questions anonymously. It was all she really wanted from him. An explanation, an excuse, a motive.
Maybe she could send Bill…No, Bill would probably hold things back. She knew he had her best interest in mind… but Claire needed to know the bare and 'unedited' truth. She needed to know what he wanted from her and if she still had any feelings for him.
And Ryan? Should she tell him about it? He’d probably want to go with her; make sure she was ok. That was no good. If Ryan was with her, she’d probably spend the entire evening focusing on what he thought, and hence beating the entire purpose of her going there in the first place.
No. It was something she had to face personally and on her own.
It was only a matter of time before they ran into each other again. Claire needed to close this chapter and finish off this story once and for all; just like she had done with her novel.

She stood up, convinced she would deal with whatever was meant to happen tomorrow, and pulled Ryan off the sand. “Race you to the water!” she laughed and ran towards the shore.
Ryan ran behind her. Just as she was about to step into the water, he lifted her and threw her into an oncoming wave.
The water was freezing cold and she jumped out of it abruptly sprinting towards the shore. “Damn you Gosling, what was all that about getting in touch with your feminine side?” He plunged into the water and shivered slightly. He then swam for while, gesturing her to come back in.
“It’s too cold!” she yelled at him
“C’mon! Don’t be such a sissy!” he knew how she reacted to challenges
Claire hesitated for a second, and ran back into the water swimming up to him “I’m too easy, right Gosling?” she shivered as the cold water splashed her body. Ryan wrapped his arms around her smiling “As long as you’re only easy with me, I’m fine with it”

Holding her this close reminded him of that night eleven years ago. Of course, Victoria was a grown woman now, and very much in control of her strikingly long and slender body. She followed his lead gracefully without showing any signs of awkwardness or embarrassment. He tilted her and she let herself go, confident in his grasp. Her hair brushed his arms softly and her arms rubbed his neck. Their bodies pressed against each other; her face on his chest as he moved her along to the rhythm. Colin had always been a great dancer, and she marveled at how their bodies seemed to complement each other. Both of them tall and lean; it felt as if they were made for one another.
As the song finished, they lingered, holding each other. Too overwhelmed to do anything else but feel the warmth of their bodies together. Finally, Victoria broke off, stepping back just enough to prevent them from touching. They gazed at each other for a while, finding an attraction they could no longer resist.
Suddenly, they both stepped forward and grabbing each other desperately, kissed; as if they were the last two people on earth. Colin felt something inside him break loose as he grabbed her face and pressed it against his. Their tongues, exploring every single corner of their mouths, moaning in ecstasy.
Victoria pushed him off and began to unbutton his shirt. He did the same with the few buttons that held the upper part of her dress, and she unbuckled the black belt that fitted it to her waist. She kissed his chest sliding off her shoes and bending to unbutton his pants. He lifted her, holding her face between his hands and kissed her deliriously. He then grabbed her hand and with his gaze fixed on her, led her up the whirling stairs and into Aidan’s room.

They walked into Claire’s apartment exhausted. The drive back had been awfully long, just as they had suspected, and spending the day at the beach had already consumed a lot of their energy. Ryan set their stuff on the kitchen counter; they would return the SUV on Monday, after Ryan picked up George.
They took a quick shower and, considering they were too tired to cook, left the apartment in search of a nearby restaurant. As they sat on a busy Chinese restaurant on Columbus and W68th., Claire’s cell phone rang.“Claire speaking”
“Hey Claire! It’s Cat!”
“Hey! How are you?”
“I’m great… how was your weekend?”
“Perfect. We drove to the Hamptons. My editor owns a house there, and insisted we stay for the weekend” she nodded at Ryan as he pointed at an entrée on the menu.
“Really? That’s amazing! So, are you guys thinking about going out tonight?”
“Uhm…” Claire was somewhat tired, but the thought of seeing Catherine in a non work-related environment was kind of tempting. It was clear to her she was a lot of fun.
She covered the phone and looked at Ryan “Cat wants to know if we are planning on going out tonight”
Ryan shrugged and gestured the waiter “Whatever you feel like doing is fine with me”
She got back on the phone “We don’t have any plans… why? What are you guys up to?”
“Well… considering we’ll be shooting at noon, and we don’t have to rise and shine, I thought we should all go clubbing”
“Who’s ‘all’?”
“Jason, Penelope, Heather, you, Ryan and me, of course. Wes is recovering from food poisoning and I don’t think Bob, Mark or Diane would be interested”
“Food poisoning? Is it bad?
"Nah... I think he just misses his wife, that's all"
"Oh, ok. Is everyone going?”
“As far as I know… So, are you in, Brickwell?”
“You bet!”
“Great! I’ll text you the address as soon as I know where we’re going”
“Perfect. See ya later then”
“Ciao!”
Claire laughed as she hung up her phone. Catherine was such an awesome woman… she seemed to display more energy than most people half her age.

Just as Ryan opened the door to the apartment, Claire received a text message on her cell phone “It must be Cat!” she read it out loud “Smith/Morrisey Night at Sway Lounge, Spring St. between Hudson & Greenwich, Western Soho.” She looked at Ryan “So, are you up for it?" she followed him as he walked towards the window "Maybe you’re too tired after the long drive. Would you rather stay home? I can go there by myself”
Ryan opened the window and lit a cigarette “Yeah, right! And leave you on your own, to party with Cat! Not in this life, Brickwell. If you’re going, I’m going”
She walked up to him and borrowed his cigarette “I can look after myself, you know? I have for quite some time before we met”
He took the cigarette back “Well, not anymore. I’m the one looking after you now”
She laughed “You’re actually afraid I’ll meet some incredibly gorgeous guy and fall madly in love with him to the sound of ‘Girlfriend in a coma’, aren’t you?” she teased him as she put her hands on her chest
“Girlfriend in a coma? You’re too much, Brickwell” he laughed as he breathed out smoke
“You are… you’re panicking, C’mon… admit it, Gosling!” she pointed at him smiling
“Not if you let me pick what you’ll wear” he shook his head teasingly. “Anyway… it happened with me, didn’t it? Not the incredibly gorgeous part... just the madly in love”
She shook her head laughing “You’re such a smug asshole, Gosling!”
“I know… but you still love me” he grabbed her waist and pulled her close
She nodded as she brushed his chin tenderly “Yup, Gosling… very much in spite of me, I still love you”.

Chapter 69

They stood on the corner of Columbus and W60th., Catherine had offered to pick them up on her way there so they could share the cab. Claire liked this about her; no matter how much money and fame, Catherine still thought it was ridiculous to go separately when they could perfectly split the fare.
Not five minutes had passed when a cab pulled over and Catherine waved from inside, smiling enthusiastically. Ryan opened the door as Claire jumped eagerly inside and hugged her friend in excitement.
“Hey!” they exclaimed at unison
“You look great! Look at your tan!” She pressed on Claire’s forearm intermittently with one finger noticing how the brownish tone returned as soon as she let go.
“Thanks… we had really nice weather”
Ryan shook his head laughing, as the girls checked out each other’s outfits. Claire wore a pair of tight black pants, low in the waist, and a drape dark cerulean top. Catherine wore a classic, short, fitted black dress.

As soon as they got off, Claire caught a glimpse of Penelope and Jason sharing a cigarette a few feet away from the entrance. Both the girls ran towards them as Ryan followed nonchalantly.
They greeted each other affectionately and walked towards the main door just as Heather joined them. The Moroccan themed bar was half full of what seemed like a mellow crowd in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Catherine had made reservations and they settled at a private table, surrounded by a semi-circular couch area. Jason ordered a round of martinis, and they sang cheerfully to the sound of 'How soon is now'.
People walked around their table and stared; as if they had a hard time believing a bunch of Hollywood celebrities were actually hanging out in the same spot they were.
Catherine gulped down her martini and pulled Claire onto the dance floor before she could barely sip hers.
“It’s not the best club in town, but most of them are closed on Sunday” she smiled explaining
“I like it a lot… the music's great and this whole middle eastern vibe is kind of cool” Claire looked around. She was actually glad she was not a celebrity, as she noticed how people walked around stopping to look at Catherine. She could never take all that attention. On the other hand, Catherine seemed ok with it… it was obvious she had dealt with situations like this before.
Jason joined them taking turns to spin them around as Ryan, Heather and Penelope watched them from their table, and sipped their drinks quietly.
“I’m really excited about tomorrow!” Claire spoke on top of the music addressing both of them
Catherine nodded enthusiastically “Are you ready to answer some questions?”
“Huh” Claire had no idea what she was talking about
“Mark mentioned the press would be on the set tomorrow”
“Really?”
“Yeah… they’ll surely want to interview you”
“Nah… I don’t think so… it will be fun to watch though”
“You don’t get it, do you Brickwell… you’re just one of us now. The word is out on the streets, no more privacy for you” she laughed
“Look around, Keener…. I’m not the one people are staring at. I think I’m still pretty safe”
“Ok, Brickwell… we’ll talk about this in a couple of weeks… you can tell me how ‘safe’ you feel then” she took Claire’s hand making her spin around wildly.
Jason stared smiling “You ladies look hot tonight! Fancy a ‘menage a trois’?
“Jason!” they both yelled at him appalled
Jason laughed and continued to dance around them.
After finishing their drinks, the rest of the group joined them. Ryan wrapped his arms around her, sneaking up from behind, and Claire turned to kiss him affectionately.
They danced for a while. Both Ryan and Jason took turns to grab and spin the girls as they laughed and sang old Smith hit songs.
Claire headed back to their table and sat to finish her drink; contemplating them from a few feet away. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned smiling…
“Hunter! Hey… I didn’t know you were coming”
“Heather called me” he smiled, looking particularly hot tonight.
“Oh… right.” She decided to act naturally, pretending the incident at the Hamptons never happened “Great! Have you ordered something to drink?”
He nodded as the waiter brought a couple of champagne bottles and set them on the table.
“You do know we all need to work tomorrow, don’t you?”
He smiled and shook his head “Don’t worry… I wont let you get drunk” he sat next to her.
“When did you get back?”
“An hour ago” he poured champagne in a few glasses
“Wow… the highway must have been a nightmare! We drove back a few hours ago and it was hell!”
“Who said I drove?”
Claire stared at him confused
“I usually fly there… it’s the best way to go”
“Come to think of it, I noticed a swarm of helicopters on our way to Manhattan. You don’t hold back on anything, do you Hunter?”
He gazed at her “If you were with me… you wouldn’t either”
He paused; Claire smiled and licked her lips feeling slightly uncomfortable. She stretched her hand to get her drink and sipped looking away; setting her attention on the cheerful crowd ahead.
Ryan danced with Penelope, completely oblivious of Hunter’s presence.
John shook his head and laughed. “I’m doomed aren’t I, Brickwell”
Claire dismissed his comment
“… and yet, only yesterday… in the parking lot… correct me if I’m wrong but, I think there was something there.” He sat back and gazed at her inquisitively “I guess I must be fooling myself”
“John, I…” she breathed out and set her drink back on the table “I really like you, I do, but right now” she shrugged “I just can't”
“You really think Gosling is the guy for you? C’mon Claire, he’s an actor, a Hollywood celebrity. Is he the kind of man you’d consider spending the rest of your life with? You know what it’s like for them. Everything is easy. As soon as this movie is over and he starts working on another one… he’ll probably meet some new Hollywood hottie and move on. He’s not looking to settle down and have kids… he’s in his prime.”
Claire stared at him, speechless
“Ok… this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna let you enjoy this for a while… fool yourself into believing you two have a future together… There’s no need to rush. I can wait. And when you do realize what a waste of time Ryan is… I’ll be right here.” He fixed a lock of hair that fell on her forehead “We’re meant for each other baby… and I don’t care how long it take’s for you to figure it out. You’re worth the wait” he kissed her on the cheek.


They lay in bed holding each other. Colin gazed at her adoringly; a new feeling of immortality flooded his entire body. Victoria slept profoundly, a blissful expression on her face, as her soft skin lay pressed against his. He stayed awake until dawn, contemplating her, trying to take everything in.
She opened her eyes awakened by the sound of an early delivery truck outside. Slowly regaining her bearings she lifted her head to stare back at him as he brushed the hair off her face.
“Good morning” he smiled at her
She smiled back, speechless. He pulled her close and kissed her tenderly. Savoring the lips that had kissed him endlessly a few hours ago. As their lips parted, she pressed them slightly and gazed at him bashfully. The room, dimly lit by the first few rays of sun.
She breathed in, and setting aside all the principles she had strictly lived by until last night, gave in to the inexorable need of feeling his touch once more.
They made love twice that morning; in such extreme rapture, it felt as if they’re life depended upon each kiss, each sigh, each moan.

Chapter 70

While they stood on Hudson St., around the corner from the bar; Claire played the scene back in her mind. Just as John had planted the kiss on her cheek, a hand grabbed him by his shirt’s collar, turned him around and punched him hard on the face. John dropped to the floor and looked up startled, rubbing his jaw.
“I’ve had it with you Hunter! You stay away from her!” Ryan pointed at him angrily. Claire had never seen that vicious look on him before.
She ran to help John up “Are you ok?”, she turned to look at Ryan and shook her head in disapproval “What’s wrong with you!”
Ryan gestured John to get up and fight back, as Jason ran to calm him down. He put his arm around Ryan and led him towards the exit “Let’s just walk it off, ok big guy?”
“She’s not for you… so deal with it and move the fuck on!” Ryan seemed possessed by some diabolical force. Jason held him back.
A group of people gathered around, whispering loudly between themselves: “Did you see that?” “Wow! That was amazing!” “Yeah… you show him, Gosling!” “Why are you cheering for him? How do you know he’s right?” “You dummy, don’t you know who that is? It’s Claire Brickwell… they’ve been dating for the last 2 months… Where have you been?” “Oh, you’re right!”

John got up as Claire helped him to one of the couches. She grabbed some ice from the champagne cooler, wrapped it in a napkin and placed it on his jaw “You hold this here… it’ll prevent the swelling”
Ryan stared back at her in disbelief as Jason walked him out.


“He didn’t need to punch him. John and I are friends”
“Well” Catherine took a drag from her cigarette “It didn’t look very friendly from were we were standing. You know… touching your hair, kissing your cheek… He was definitely on to something there”
“It’s ridiculous Cat… Ryan knows I would never cheat on him” she borrowed the cigarette
“That’s not the point Claire… the point is the man was stepping on forbidden ground and Ryan was not about to stand there and not do something about it. It’s a guy thing, he had to make a statement”
“I still think he could have just talked to him… maybe yelled a little, not come up and downright knock him off his seat.” She breathed out smoke “What’s going to happen tomorrow? We all have to work together, in case you’ve forgotten”
“Don’t worry… It’ll be fine. Hunter knew he had it coming; besides they’re both professionals, they won’t let this get in the way”
“I feel awful Cat… I really didn’t mean for this to happen. The truth is John’s been coming on to me for quite some time now”
“I know… and I also know it must be hard to turn him down… he’s terrible sexy, and quite a catch by the way” she smiled teasing her
“You know? Do you think Ryan knows?” she was honestly concerned
“Ryan? No way, Claire… he’s a man… men don’t notice these subtle things. A look, a posture, a certain gesture… forget it! He might have suspected John had some dishonorable intentions towards you… but probably thinks this is the first time he’s ‘acted out’ on them” she smiled at her reassuringly
“I really hope you’re right, Cat… Do you know where he might be now?” she looked around trying to find him
“Jason probably took him to another bar so he could calm down and they could talk”
“What a great way to ruin the night… I should’ve known better” Claire expected Ryan would react sooner or later to John’s ‘friendly gestures’; she just never thought it would happen like this.
“I’ve actually had a great time! It was classic, Brickwell!… The whole scene reminded me of The Notebook” she laughed “You know… Allie, Noah, Lon … it was fun!”
“Oh, shut up Keener… I’ve just had enough of my life being likened to that of Allie’s. Are you able to grasp the fact that she’s not real?”
Catherine stepped on the cigarette and hailed a cab “Yeah… whatever Brickwell. Let’s get you home”


“Be honest with me… do you think I overreacted?” Ryan swigged his beer
“Nah, he had it coming, man. There’s only so much shit you can look away and pretend didn’t happen” Jason lit a cigarette and offered him a drag.
Ryan took it and nodded. He paused
“Are you worried about what Claire might be thinking?”
Ryan breathed in and shook his head “No, I know she knows I’m not like that. It’s something else that worries me really”
Jason sipped his beer “And what’s that, Rambo?”
Ryan sat back “I’m worried she might have feelings for him” he took another drag and handed him the cigarette back
“Yeah… I hear ya. Hunter is one deceitful piece of shit. Who knows how much sweet talk he’s already given her”
Ryan nodded “That and the fact that she might not want to take us seriously, because of what I do”
“Hmm…” Jason nodded and took another drag “I know what you mean. I guess it’s one of the major drawbacks of being a celebrity”
“The funny thing is, that in spite of the fact that I really love what I do, I’d give it all up if she asked me to” another sip of beer
“She never would, man”
“I know she wouldn’t” he sighed “It was so much easier with Rachel”
Jason nodded knowingly “So, what are you gonna do about it?”
Ryan rubbed his chin and licked his upper lip “I guess I’ll just see how it goes” he paused “I only hope we can stay together long enough for her to realize how serious I am about her” he looked concerned
Jason patted his back cheerfully “You’ll be fine, Gosling. I really don’t think she’ll be going anywhere, anytime soon”
Ryan swigged and looked around the room “This hotel the studio set you up in… it’s sweet!”
Jason nodded smiling.

Colin opened his eyes and glanced across the room. Victoria was getting dressed. He smiled as he caught her sliding her dress along her long lean body. She was like a vision. He lifted his head and turned to sit on the bed; setting his arms on the back of his neck.
Victoria smiled as she caught a glimpse of him and put on her shoes.“I should go, Colin. I have work to do” she stood up and paused to gaze at him
Colin jumped out of bed “Let me fix you some breakfast first. You must be starving, I know I am” he slid into his pants and shirt.
She followed him down the winding staircase and into the kitchen. Colin set the water to boil, and browsed the refrigerator for something to eat.
“Coffee is fine with me” she stood a few feet away from him
“You do know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, right?” he turned to look at her, the refrigerator door still open
She smiled “Yeah, I do… but I’ve never been able to eat in the morning. I guess there must be something wrong with me”
Colin grabbed some fruit and closed the door to stare at her “Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re absolutely perfect”
She looked away bashfully.
They drank their coffee quietly. Victoria, in Colin’s eyes, looked more beautiful than ever. After finishing it, she got up and walked to the kitchen to rinse it; Colin followed her as he chewed on an apple.“You don’t need to do that. Look at all the stuff I need to wash anyway” Colin pointed at the sink full of dirty dishes, glasses and pans from last night’s pancake soiree.
“Do you want me to help you out?”
Colin shook his head. “No… I can handle it” he smiled
“Ok…" she paused
“Do you need me to drive you home?”
She shook her head smiling “I can take a cab. Besides it’s your big day today. It’s opening day, remember? You should get started”
She walked back to the next room and grabbed her purse. She then turned to look at him; the expression on her face changed suddenly “Colin… You know Patrick and I are getting engaged, right?”
Colin felt that familiar blow in his stomach once more. He had no idea. Patrick had completely skipped his mind until that moment.
“And I really wouldn’t want this…” she bit her lip nervously, trying to find the right words “to... get in the way of…” she breathed out
“Don’t worry Vic… Patrick will never know” he suddenly became aware of his own and relentless mortality
She smiled, looked down and turned towards the door.She kissed him on the cheek, pausing slightly to capture his scent one last time, and walked out of Ogham.
Colin pushed the curtain that hung along the door and watched her walk away. He sighed and turned around the sign that hung on it “Yes, we’re open”