Writer's Block (Chapter 51 to 60)

Chapter 51

Claire opened the door to her apartment and tapped on the wall in search of the light switch. It was late, and Ryan had stayed with Mark and a few crew members, to work on some aspects of his make up and wardrobe. She dropped her stuff on the small table next to the entrance, and stooped to pick up her mail: a few bills, a letter from Emma, traveling brochures and a FedEx delivery box. She shook it, trying to guess what it contained. Intrigued, she set the rest of her mail aside, and walked to the kitchen for some water.
She opened the bottle, jumped on the counter and slid backwards so as to lift her legs to cross them. She then grabbed the box and tore it open. Inside, a hardcover copy of “A Modern Day Tragedy” and an invitation to its presentation at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, next Monday.
She set the book aside and stared at the blue card with gold print “Modern Wild Tragedies: An Evening with Zachary Wilder”. As she was holding it, she noticed a small piece of paper stuck to it. She turned the card around to find a small green post – it note: “Hope you can make it. Love, Z”
She paused to examine the handwriting. Zach had such beautiful penmanship. It was symmetrical, balanced and the spaces between words were almost identical. There was a peaceful harmony in the way the letters linked to one another. She had once told him he should publish his notes (they were a work of art by themselves). Zach had been born to be a writer, and no matter what he wrote or where he wrote it, it not only sounded but looked poetic.


“Do you really have to quit your job at MC&M?” Laura looked at him concerned
He nodded silently.
They sat on the couch in Colin’s apartment. Colin, still wearing his coat, sat back and dropped his bag on the floor. Laura sat slightly to the side, facing him. She gently brushed her blonde hair off her face fixing it behind her ears. There was a certain frailty to this woman, both in body and spirit. Pale skin, light green eyes, lean and bony arms. As a couple, Colin and Laura were absolute opposites, both physically and emotionally. Colin was tall and strong and could stand up to almost anything and anyone (except Seamus, of course); Laura was shy, feeble and completely insecure.
“It’s a really good job, Colin. Besides, considering it’s your family’s business, you’ll probably get to run it once Seamus retires” she wanted to shake some sense into him. Why couldn’t he hang in there?
“It’s not for me, Laura. MC&M has no soul, no substance. It’s a cold, calculating place. It has been viciously corrupted by accountants, business administrators, lawyers and dealers. It’s all about making money in there.”
“And what’s so terrible about that?” she got up and walked across the room anxiously
Colin stared at her in disbelief. Had she been listening to anything he had just said? Couldn’t she tell this place was killing him, suffocating him, gradually and relentlessly sucking away all that was good and pure in him; feasting on his marrow?
He shook his head and searched his bag for a cigarette
Laura jumped. “Please don’t smoke in here!”
He looked up, confused. It had never bothered her before.

Colin and Laura weren’t officially living together, but she slept over most of the time. Laura was a ballet dancer, who had gradually forced herself into anorexia. They had met a few years ago, at a party. Laura had a few pounds more at that time, and looked stunning in a miniskirt and stilettos. Severely drunk (having been at a bachelorette’s party before), she had spotted Colin from across the room and thought he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. Lucky for her, Colin had recently stepped out of a boisterous relationship and wanted to meet someone different. They left the party together and Laura dozed off while they were making out in his apartment. Of course, the next morning, Colin met the real and sober Laura; and although he was not convinced at the beginning, he finally succumbed to her constant pleas and her endless declarations of undying love and devotion. She would do, for now.
“It’s not good for a man to be alone” his father had told him on his 16th birthday, “You should always have a woman to look after your needs. Love has nothing to do with it, son. It’s instinctive, one of nature’s laws. Be sure to remember that.” He laughed and patted Colin’s back as he lit one of his treasured Cuban cigars.

He set the cigarette pack on the table and sighed. “Don’t worry, Laura. I’ll get another job. MC&M is not the only place that can hire someone like me, you know?”
“I know, I know...” she continued to plough the room
Colin stared at her long, skinny, pale feet.
“It’s just... the timing’s not right, Colin” she turned to look at him
“The timing?” he looked up “What’s wrong with the timing?” he didn’t understand
“Well” she breathed out and sat back next to him, pausing to hold his hand.
He was completely lost
She smiled “I’m six weeks pregnant, Colin. You’re going to be a father”
It felt like someone had just punched his stomach. A blow, totally unexpected. A cold knife into his gut. He gasped for air and stared at her, speechless.
Laura looked down, realizing this was not what she thought his reaction would be. She had played this moment in her mind for the past three days – after she got the news from the doctor- and of all the ways she had pictured Colin would react, this had not been one of them. Her eyes were moist.
Colin, suddenly realizing the error of his ways, lifted her face by the chin and turned her to look at him. He smiled (his mind, dizzy with thoughts of a life with Laura, the woman that “Would do, for now” had turned into the “Woman was, forever”)
“That’s amazing, honey! I couldn’t be happier!” he paused “Don’t worry about MC&M, I’ll think of something. Our baby will want for nothing”
She rubbed her eyes smiling and jumping to hug him said, “Really? Oh Colin, I’m so happy! I was afraid you would’ve asked me to get rid of it”
He hugged her, caressing the back of her head gently. His gaze fixed, his jaw, clenched.

But, you see, the McNamara’s where Roman Catholics, having an abortion was not an option, ever. It was a four-season, special discount ticket to burn in the flames of eternal damnation.
She broke away, kissed him and laughed “I need to tell my mom about this!” she stood up, ran to the bedroom and picked up the phone.
Colin grabbed the keys and his cigarette pack, walking out of his apartment and into the cold night.


Claire jumped off the counter, picked up the book and walked to her study. She paused, trying to remember where she had left her copy of Zach’s novel. A pile of books on her desk: not the first, not the second… it was book number five. She grabbed them both, stuck the card into one of them and shoved them into the bottom drawer. She glanced at her laptop and the manuscript that lay beside it untitled.
Sighing, she turned it on and walked to the kitchen to boil some water for tea. She had a novel to finish.

Chapter 52

“Edwina sat on one of the back seats of the N bus to Pratterstern, as it drove across Rotunden Brücke. She leaned to gaze back at the entrance of the apartment she had shared with Nina: Josef Galle Gasse 1. Suddenly, as if by some miraculous heavenly intervention, she heard the missing notes come into place. The uneven music that had haunted her for the past 5 years was now Gesamtkuntswerk – a complete artwork -, subtle and genuine. She turned to look at the Donau Kanal and sighed smiling. The End”

She yawned and stretched her arms, bending her neck sideways. Finally. It was finished, finito, done. She stared at the blinking cursor standing beside the ‘d’ in “The End” and smiled. Now all she had to think of was a title for her novel. Her first novel.
She read the last paragraph once more, and found exactly what she was looking for. She stood up, closed her laptop and walked back into the living room with a feeling of accomplishment.
Yawning once more, she glanced at the clock on the microwave display: 10:00 pm (hideous green numbers!). She wondered about Ryan… Had he gone back to his hotel? Was he Ok? Why hadn’t he called?
Just as she decided not to worry – he was probably having dinner with ‘the guys’ somewhere, and completely lost track of time – she heard a knock on the door.
He lost his keys. Figures. He had probably searched everywhere for them and had finally given up after a couple of hours.
She opened the door “You lost your k…” John stood in front of her, his gaze hid a certain determination.
“Hey John, I thought you were with Ryan. Is he ok?” she stepped aside to let him in
“He’s fine. Having dinner with Mark, Bob, Jason and Wes” he took off his jacket and set it on a chair
“Oh… why aren’t you with them, then?” she walked towards the kitchen
“I am, I mean was… only I left.” He paused to clarify “I had some business to tend to”
“I see. Coffee, tea, wine, beer?” she pointed back at the kitchen
“A beer sound’s great” he sat down on the couch
She grabbed two beers from the refrigerator and smiled as she walked towards him. She was glad he was here. They hadn’t been spending any time together since Ryan had arrived, and she sort of missed him. Besides, she wanted to tell someone about her finished novel.
She handed him the bottle and tapped it slightly with hers.
He looked up, inquisitively.
“I finished my novel” she lifted both her eyebrows
“Really? That’s amazing, Claire. Congratulations!” he smiled and stood up for a proper toast. “To …” he paused “Does it have a title?”
She nodded, grinning “Uneven Music”
“OK! To Uneven Music by Claire Brickwell. The first of many novels to come”
They toasted and hugged laughing.
They jumped on the couch and sipped smiling, pausing every so often to look at each other and laugh.
“When did you finish it?”
“Just now… “
“Now?” He looked surprised
She nodded “Yeah… just a few minutes before you knocked.” She paused to look at him “Finally, I did it! After all this time.”
“Must feel weird, right?”
“I still haven’t come to terms with the fact, to be honest. Even as I hear myself saying it… I can hardly believe it”
“I know… But the rest of us can, you know? Well, at least I can, Claire. I never doubted you for a second.” He gazed at her adoringly “I knew you were someone special from the moment I first set eyes on you”
She licked her lips and looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable
John set his bottle on the table “I’m sorry Claire. I’m an asshole. I just… pffff” he breathed out
She shook her head smiling “I’m glad to know you’re still my friend. I missed you these past days… you were always doing something; too busy to even come and speak to me”
He paused and picked up his bottle “I know I’ve been avoiding you lately”
“So you admit it?”
He nodded “I just didn’t want to get in the way of you and Ryan”
“Both you and Ryan are completely different people and equally important to me in completely different ways – If I say ‘completely different’ once more, please yell at me” she smiled
“You could always go for entirely, utterly, absolutely or distinct, unique and individual” he winked
“I forgot you were a linguist”
“So, when will I be able to read it?” he knew this was not the time to deal with his feelings towards her
“Huh? Oh…the novel? I dunno… I’ll talk to Bill tomorrow and probably get together with him sometime this week. I guess, if all runs smoothly it should be out and about in a month or so”
“I can’t wait” he sounded excited
She suddenly realized she didn’t know why John had come to see her so late at night
“So… is there anything you needed?”
He sat to face her. “The truth is Claire, I’m concerned about you”
“Why?”
“I heard Zack’s in town”
“How did you know?” she wondered if he was back on his ‘surveillance duty’
“I read it on the paper and only this afternoon I got an invitation to his book presentation”
“Oh… that, yes” she nodded
“Have you talked to him, yet?”
“I talked to him this morning”
“Are you ok?” he touched her hand
“I’m fine… nothing to it, really” she felt his warm hand stroking hers
“I want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me. As a friend, no dubious intentions”
She smiled “No hidden agenda?”
“I see we’ve both have been reading Richard Morris”
“The man’s a monster, what can I say” she shook her head disapprovingly
“He’s trying to make a living. Don’t worry; celebrities do crazy things all the time. He’ll probably come up with some juicy scoop about someone else pretty soon” he paused “So, will you promise to ask for help if you need it?”
She nodded obligingly “I won’t do anything I’ll regret, if that’s what’s worrying you”
He picked up his beer bottle with his free hand “Hell, if you are going to do something you’ll regret… then make sure you do it with me”
They both laughed loudly. Maybe too loudly to hear Ryan, as he walked into her apartment.
He paused to stare at John and Claire as they sat on the couch, drinking and laughing. His jaw clenched.
Claire turned to look at him, and quickly removed her hand from under John’s.
“Hey sweetheart! How did it go with the guys?”
“Fine” he set his bag on the floor next to the entrance, his gaze fixed on John
John got up, picked up his jacket and waved at him “Hey, Gosling”
“Hey, Hunter” he didn’t look happy
Silence
“So” Claire jumped in “John was just leaving. Weren’t you John?”
He nodded “Yeah…”
“Honey, why don’t you go take a shower and relax for a minute. I’ll just let John out”
Ryan walked past him towards the bedroom. His gaze still fixed on him.
“Bye Gosling” Ryan shut the door
John looked at Claire and shrugged. Claire shook her head “He’s probably exhausted”
She opened the door and John stepped out. As he turned around she added “Thanks, John. Don’t worry about Ryan, he might be a bit jealous but he would never hurt you”
He bent over to kiss her cheek and paused before walking towards the elevators “I don’t really mind, Claire… looking at you hurts more”


Chapter 53

She stepped into the coffee shop slightly out of breath. She was running late. Catherine and Mark sat on a table in the far end. Keener laughed loudly as Mark finished – what Claire thought- was one of his priceless anecdotes.
“Sorry, guys” she set her bag on an empty chair and slid into the booth beside Cat.
“Hey, Brickwell” Mark smiled, slightly startled by her sudden apparition
“Hey” Catherine smiled and bent to hug her affectionately.
“So, Brickwell, what will it be?” Mark looked at her inquisitively
“Coffee, double” she took off her sunglasses
“Uhh… you look beat.” Mark gestured the waiter for coffee
“I am… I hardly slept last night”
Catherine smiled mischievously “We’re going to have to ask Ryan to spend at leaste some of his nights at the hotel”
Claire chuckled and hit her playfully under the table.
“Anyway” Claire searched her bag for the manuscript and a pen – she wanted to get straight down to business “What did you guys want to discuss with me?”
“Oh, just some of the aspects of Eva’s past. Her Italian heritage, her educational background… Keener here thinks it will help her understand her better”
“You know?” Cat cut in “Her motives. What drove her to look for Colin now, after all this time?”
Claire nodded and sipped her coffee.


Ryan stepped out of the shower and into the living room to find Claire sitting on the kitchen counter, her face between her hands. His hair still wet, a towel wrapped around his waist. He paused to look at her in silence. Claire, suddenly aware of him, lifted her head and turned to face him. She smiled bashfully, looking beautiful in a tight spaghetti strap tank top, and Ryan’s striped pajama bottoms. He walked up to her and stood leaning in front of her, grabbing her waist.
“Hey Gosling” she combed one of his eyebrows with her thumb “Feeling better?”
He nodded, licked his upper lip and shook his head smiling “How do you do it?”
“What?” she was confused
“Change my mood so easily”
“Hmm?”
“When I walked in today I was quite pissed” he gazed at her grinning
“Pissed?”
“Yeah, finding you alone with Hunter, I didn’t like it one bit”
“John? Ryan, John and I are friends…”
“I’m sure you're his friend; but I’m not sure about his intentions towards you” he fixed her hair behind her left ear
“You’re just imagining things, Ry. John has behaved like a gentleman, always”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. Considering what I’ve heard, this is not his usual M.O”
“And what exactly have you heard, Gosling?” she wandered if he had fallen for the stupid gossip that had been spreading around

They sat at an Italian restaurant in the Lower East Side. Mark was glad to be out with ‘the boys’ for a change. They talked about sports, the upcoming elections and Jason told a few jokes he had picked off the internet. They drank too much wine and Mark boasted about his love conquests as a young director. He had been ruthless, having pursued almost every leading lady he had come across, along his notoriously long career. Mark had finally married an Argentine tango dancer he met while shooting a movie in Buenos Aires. She taught tango lessons in a quaint, colorful studio in San Telmo, and Mark had been one of her students. They now lived together in LA, traveling to Argentina regularly to visit her family.
Anyway, the torch had been passed now, and he mentioned John was now the proud heir of his youthful ways.“I believe he should be in the Guinness book of records by now” Mark laughed and patted John’s back. John looked at Ryan out of the corner of his eye.
“Has anyone been to The Met lately?” Wes set his wine glass on the table
They shook their heads in unison
“You should, there’s a new Rothko exhibit”
John stood up abruptly. “I have to go. There’s some urgent business I need to tend to” He dropped a couple of hundred dollar bills on the table and rushed out of the restaurant. The rest of them sat in silence.
Mark shook his head, laughing “Urgent business my ass! It’s probably some hot chic” he lifted his glass
Jason cut in “It’s true you know. I heard it wasn’t Angelina’s adopted child what got in the way of her relationship with Billy Bob, it was Hunter. Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke? Hunter; Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow… Hunter…” he kept gesturing with his knife
“Well, I’ll make sure he never gets to meet my wife” Wes lifted his eyebrows and shook his head “What a sleazy bastard!”
Jason nodded “He just goes for what he wants, regardless of the consequences. He doesn’t pretend to be their friend or anything like that. He’s straightforward and aggressive from day one”
Bob sat back “Well, you can’t blame the kid, can you? I’m sure you all wish you could pull it off as neatly as he does” he smiled
Ryan sat listening attentively. Since his arrival, John had stayed away from Claire, so he had nothing on him. At least so far, he didn’t.

“That’s just silly gossip, Ryan… Do you really think John was involved with all these women? It’s ridiculous. I’m not buying it” she tried to slide to the side
Ryan grabbed her firmly ‘Claire, I’m not saying he’s trying to make a move here. I’m just pointing out that he seems to have somewhat of a notorious past”
“And what about you, Gosling?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you!… What about the hundreds of women you probably dated before me? Huh?”
“What? How is that an issue here?”
“Most Hollywood celebrities have dodgy pasts, it’s how it works. Or are you denying the fact that there were many before me?”
“Many is not the right word, Claire… just a few”
“Right… just a few hundred, I guess. Just because they weren’t all famous does not mean they weren’t women, you know.” She pushed off slightly “Who’s the player now?”
Ryan laughed, he could not believe how she was turning things around. “Well, at least I don’t systematically go for women who are not available”
“Clever use of words, Gosling! Systematically? So you admit you have dated unavailable women”
“Damn it woman, you’re getting it all wrong! That’s not what I’m talking about”
“Then, what? What, Gosling?
He paused and sighed, pressing his hands against her waist
“Ouch, you’re hurting me!” Claire grabbed his arms trying to push him away
He let go “I’m sorry” he shook his head and looked down at her thighs hanging on the edge of the counter “I’m just…”
“What?”
“I don’t want to lose you” he looked up and licked his upper lip.
Claire felt terrible. He was really concerned about this and she could tell he meant every word.
She grabbed his face and drew him close to her. She then stared deep into his eyes “You’re not going to lose me, Ryan. I promise” she kissed him and they held each other for a while. She could feel his heart racing inside his chest.

Colin put out his cigarette with his foot, stuck both hands in his jacket pockets and kept on walking. His mind dizzy with thoughts. It was a cold November night, his face pale and stiff; his ears, red; his eyes, moist. He sat on a bench at a nearby park and lifted his collar trying to cover his face with it. He thought about his father, and what he would say to him once he learned Laura was pregnant. He thought of Aidan, and how he had told him - a million times - to break it off…


“Why do you do this to yourself, Mac?” Aidan sat on Colin’s desk at his office in MC&M as he smoked a cigarette “You don’t love her”
Colin sat behind the desk typing and staring at his computer screen “Maybe I do” his eyes still fixed on the screen.
“Mac, I’ve known you since we were kids. Laura’s a nice girl, but she’s not the one” He picked up the ashtray and walked to the sofa on the left side of Colin’s medium sized office
“How would you know? You haven’t been in a steady relationship with a woman for the past 8 years”
“Exactly, because, unlike you, I don’t believe in committing to something that I don’t think will make me transcend” he took a drag and lifted his leg
“Maybe Laura makes me… transcend”
“C’mon, Laura is the one woman I’m sure would not make anyone transcend. The old lady who owns the newsstand round the corner is more likely to produce any feelings of timelessness and transcendentalism” he laughed as he pictured Colin with her
“Well, I like being with her. She’s very good to me.” He turned to look at Aidan “Would you please get your foot off the sofa, that’s Italian leather!”
Aidan slid down his leg unwillingly. “Listen to yourself, Mac.” He mocked him “She very good to me” he stood up “Fuck that! Love is not about being good to each other, love is about pain and suffering and longing. It’s about damnation and redemption. It makes you ask yourself endless questions and provides with innumerable answers. It’s supposed to lift you, twist you, tear you apart!”
“I disagree. I think an honest and mature relationship is about respect, loyalty and companionship; not anguish and suffering” Colin turned off his computer
“Companionship? There’s no companionship in passion and wanting! You’re describing the relationship of an old couple who have already grown tired of each other, but are too old and lethargic to look for something better.” He walked up to Colin’s desk again setting his hand on the stylish black cherry wood.
Colin stood up, pushed his chair in and shoved a few papers into his bag. “I’m sticking to her, Aidan. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore” he walked to grab his jacket from the coat hanger next to the door.
“Ok, fine. Suit yourself. I only hope you realize what I’m talking about, and work up the guts to leave her before it’s too late, Mac. I really do” he put out his cigarette, walked towards the door and out of his office.
Colin turned off the light and paused to look inside. Sitting on his dimly lit chair, the figure of a tall, lean woman with dark long hair and shiny brown eyes… Victoria.
He shook his head and closed the door.

Chapter 54

She opened her eyes feeling her neck stiff. As she slowly came to her senses she realized they had fallen asleep on the couch. Ryan lay next to her, his face against her chest, his arms around her hip. Claire held him with one arm, sticking the other to the side of her face.
We’re both going to regret this – she thought – trying to slide off the couch unnoticed. Ryan grunted and she kissed his forehead, finally releasing herself from his grip. She jerked her arms and neck, feeling extremely sore, and checked the time: 5:00 am.
She looked for a blanket in the cupboard next to the entrance, covered him, removing the damp towel, and walked to her room. She needed to get some decent sleep before her meeting with Mark and Catherine tomorrow.
After hanging the towel to dry off in the bathroom she got into bed. She lay there with her eyes wide open. Perfect – she thought – now I won’t fall asleep again! She turned on the light and stretched to look for something to read on her beside table. As she did so, she noticed, poking out of Ryan’s bag, yesterday’s edition of the NY Times.


He looked around trying to regain his bearings. Then, he shivered slightly, stood up and began to walk. With every step his stride lengthened, his pace quickened; a growing sense of determination.
He had to see her. He needed to know.

After a good half hour he got to her street. He had always thought this was the most beautiful street in town. There was nothing really particular about it, in fact the whole neighborhood was pretty much the same: narrow sidewalks, old refurbished buildings, a few parked cars, and carcasses of trees that seemed to be guarding its dimly lit pavement since the beginning of time.
He slowly walked towards her building – a binocular vision of the numbers ahead –
98, 72, 56 … 42. Still driven by his original determination he rang on her doorbell.
Nothing – he paused to check the time: 11 pm (Not that bad). He wandered if she was out with friends.
Still panting he rang again.
“Hello?”
“Victoria?”
“Who is it?”
“It’s Colin, are you busy?”
“Colin?”
“Yeah” he breathed out “I just needed to talk to you, it won’t be a minute”
“Come on up”

He sighed relieved and pushed the door, almost losing his balance as it instantly gave in. He ran up the stairs, his legs numb after the long walk in the cold. Victoria stood outside her door wearing a robe. Bare feet, hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, her arms across her chest; her body leaning slightly as she looked down into the stairwell.
She caught a glimpse of him as he ran up 8 flights of stairs in some kind of rapture. He got to her floor, glanced at her smiling and bent to grab his knees, completely out of breath.
“Did you run all the way up?” Victoria looked at him inquisitively
Colin nodded and lifted his hand, gesturing her to wait till he could regain his breath.
“Are you ok?” she bent slightly to examine him further
He breathed out, nodded once more and stood up straight.
She gestured him to get in shaking her head “Seriously, Colin, I don’t see why you need to do stuff like this. There’s a perfectly good elevator in this building, you know?
Colin walked past her and smiled. She would never understand it. These were tests he needed to put himself through. Slaying the dragon to get to the princess. It was a way of proving himself worthy of the prize.
“Sit.” She pointed at her living room couch. “You look like you’re going to freeze to death. I’ll fix you some tea”
“Victoria, I don’t…”
“Sht, I didn’t ask you. Now go sit” She shook her head disapprovingly and walked into the kitchen lifting her arms in the air, babbling in Spanish
She now lifted her voice a bit so he could hear her “You’d think he’s still a teenager! Men! They can grow up to be 60 and still act like they’re 17!” She set the water to boil and got two cups out of the upper cabinet. “How’s Laura?” she yelled
Colin sat, still catching his breath and took off his coat “She’s fine” Why did she have to bring her up now?
“Send my love to her, will you?”
“Sure” he turned to look at the portraits that stood on the side table next, tilting them slightly to glance at the ones that lay behind. One of them caught his attention. He took it and gazed at it, biting his bottom lip.
It was a picture of Colin and Victoria at her prom. She looked amazing. Victoria hadn’t been invited, and Colin offered to take her. Of course, she had been holding out till the last minute, hoping Patrick would ask her; but when he mentioned he was skipping town to go on a fishing trip with friends, she gave up hope and accepted Colin’s offer. They were a stunning couple - everyone said so - a perfect contrast of light and darkness.
Seamus had lent him his Rolls – thanks to Eva’s persuasion skills – and Victoria had felt as glamorous as Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. The driver took them for a spin around the city, and she marveled at the beautiful corsage Colin had gotten her (Patricia had always been known to have impeccable taste).
Colin was a great dancer, and the rest of the girls stared at him in awe as he led her across the dance floor. Of course, he only had eyes for her and secretly hoped the night would last forever.
She kissed him slightly on the lips that night. He was too nervous to do anything but stand, paralyzed, at her building entrance. He got back on the Rolls, the passenger’s seat this time, looked at O’Reilly – Seamus’ long time driver and confidant – and smiling said “I need to celebrate. Let’s go get something to drink”.


Claire stretched even more and finally, with the tip of her fingers, drew the paper closer, so she could get a good grip.
After arranging the pillows, she sat on the bed and began to browse through it. She knew what she was looking for and secretly hoped she wouldn’t find it.

A Multitude of Talents by Richard Morris

At this point I really need to thank Ms. Brickwell for making my column such an absolute success. It seems us New Yorkers are more of a meddlesome bunch than we pretend to be. I have been receiving thousands of letters, daily, asking me about her relationship with Ryan, John Hunter’s cunning moves and Zach Wilder’s controversial novel. Also, the movie they are shooting together is beginning to create among the locals, a feeling of intense anticipation.
Well, as far as I’m concerned, the casting couldn’t have been better. I’ll give you just a few names for you to feast on: other than Ryan and Bob (whom you already know about), Diane Lane, Heather Graham, Jason Schwartzman, Wes Bentley and the lovely Spaniard Penelope Cruz. Brilliant, right? I don’t think any of them can possibly fathom the turning point this movie will prove to be in some of these young actor’s careers. I’ve been lucky enough to learn what the story is about, but I’ll hold on to that information for a bit longer. I will tell you this though; it is spectacular, unique and completely unexpected.
Of course, the production is barely starting and it seems our young Ms Brickwell is a key element to every single detail of its intricate process.
Hunter seems to be playing his cards rather quietly and insisting on remaining ‘out of the night scene’. He was seen a couple of nights ago, at Owen Wilson’s Manhattan’s residence, but stuck to discussing ‘strictly business’ with the distinctive-looking nose movie star.
Wilder’s career continues to flourish as he prepares to launch his book at the Metropolitan Museum of Art this upcoming Monday. I’m sure more than one member of the audience will ask him to elaborate on the motives behind his new novel and his sudden return home.
As for Gosling, he seems to be placidly holding his own and becoming a stable inhabitant of the upper west side - one of my trustworthy sources has informed me he hasn’t spent one single night at his hotel-. He religiously works out at the Columbus Circle Equinox, spending the rest of his day rehearsing for his new role. Both Gosling and Brickwell have been spotted dining casually together and walking down Columbus Ave; kissing, holding hands and appearing to be very much in love.
However, I can’t help but wonder… When will the wild-gosling hunting season begin?

Chapter 55

She walked up to him, taking the portrait away and exchanging it for a steamy cup of tea. “Drink up” he looked up at her and she smiled, fixing her robe.
He sipped it slowly, it was extremely hot. She went back into the kitchen, came back a second later carrying a steamy cup for herself, and sat in a chair across from him. “Is that better?”
Colin nodded smiling. “Were you in bed already?”
“No, as a matter of fact I was on the phone, speaking to Patrick”
“Patrick, my brother?”
She nodded, blew steam off the cup and sipped some tea.
“Oh, ok. Is he alright?” he hadn’t seen Patrick in 5 months.
Patrick lived on the fast track, he was a lawyer: Mergers and Acquisitions (that’s what he did). His job had afforded him a spacious apartment in a fashionable neighborhood, a brand new BMW and occasional trips to expensive beach resorts. He’d change girlfriends as often as he’d change his shirt – and Patrick had always been very particular about the way he dressed, which meant he could change his shirt 2 or 3 times a day-. Colin had actually given up on learning their names. What for? The next time they met he’d probably be escorting a different woman and they’d be a whole new introduction.
Still, Colin loved his brother dearly. He didn’t understand the life he led, but was content to know he was happy that way.
Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Victoria in a while either. Not because he hadn’t wanted to. It was Laura, she just didn’t like her. She never really gave him a reason for her particular opinion on Victoria… it was something that had just happened. Lauras and Victorias just didn’t get along.
On the other hand, Victoria found Laura to be a really nice person. She had congratulated Colin when she first met her, telling him he couldn’t have found someone prettier, down to earth and more devoted to him. After they met, Colin had to keep coming up with excuses as to why Laura had not joined them at a certain event, Victoria had been invited to. Eventually he got tired of making up excuses, and started to avoid the events himself.
Victoria had been seeing a few men, on and off. But hadn’t been in a serious relationship since he could remember. He wondered why he had never worked up the guts to ask her out again after prom. He had thought about it, though. He was sure about that.

As he gazed at her now he felt the same way he had when he first caught a glimpse of her, the beautiful young girl that had landed on the bushes.
Victoria nodded “He’s fine. You should visit him sometime”
“I will, I promise” Colin leaned forward to set his cup on the table
“Wait!” Victoria got a coaster from one of the table corners and put it right in front of him.
He smiled bashfully, and set his cup on the leather coaster. “I didn’t know you kept in touch with Patrick”
Victoria sat closer to the edge and fixed her hair behind her left ear, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “We have been seeing each other for quite some time now, Colin”
He looked at her, trying to understand exactly what she meant by that.
“Good, I’m glad. You used to be good friends” his eyes still fixed on her, guessing
She licked her upper lip “It’s more than that, Colin” she paused “We’re thinking about moving in together”
His body dropped at a thousand miles per hour.

Ryan woke up searching for Claire. He lifted his head noticing the light that came from her bedroom. He got up, wrapped the blanket around his naked body, and walked towards her room.
She lay sound asleep, the lamp on her bedside table still on. Beside her, a folded copy of the NY Times.He shook his head smiling; set the paper on the table, turned off the light and got into bed.

The three of them walked out of the elevator and into the hallway that lead to what had become already a familiar room. Claire’s phone rang just as she was walking in and she stopped to answer it, gesturing Mark and Cat to keep going.
“Bill?”
“Hey gorgeous, I got your email. So, you finished the novel!” she could hardly hear what he said
“The reception's terrible, Bill! Where are you?”
“Don’t ask. Tess pushed into coming to these ‘future parents’ classes. It’s the worst thing I’ve had to endure so far”
She pressed her lips to avoid breaking into wild laughter “Bill, it sounds important. You might wanna take notes. Are they gonna test you on it?”
“Come to think of it, I haven’t asked.” He sounded concerned “She keeps talking about how the real test will be in 9 months or so”
She swallowed, still fighting her laughter “I see. Well, good luck with that one, Bill”
“Anyway, don’t change the subject. When can I read it? You could have sent me at least something via email. But, no… I know... you’re old fashioned, blah, blah, blah… My guess is you enjoy torturing me”
She smiled “Maybe just a bit”
“I knew it!… Yes, honey...I’m coming, just …keep breathing, you’re doing great! Claire I really have to go. So... meet me at my office tomorrow?”
“I’ll bring the bagels! Ciao!”
“Ciao, bella, ciao…’
Claire paused to picture Bill at one of these Lamaze classes. Maybe her next book should be a comedy, something to shake things up a bit.
She slid her phone back into her bag and walked inside catching a glimpse of Ryan as he stood talking to Penelope. An odd feeling run along her body as she pictured the scenes they would be shooting together. She was such a beautiful woman, and Ryan seemed to have a thing for his leading ladies.
As he noticed her, he gestured Penelope to excuse him for a moment and ran smiling to greet her.
“Hey, Brickwell! I missed you this morning.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her close to kiss her
“Gosling!” she pushed him off slightly “Not in front of all these people” she muttered under her breath
“In case you’re the last one to know…” he pointed at the group of people slowly gathering around the table “They already know about us” he smiled and kept a firm grip
“Ok… but we don’t need to boast about it, you know?”
“Ok…” he loosened his grip
In a second, as she was turning around, he grabbed her again and lifted her, whispering into her ear “How about a quickie in the restrooms?”
“Ryan Thomas Gosling!” she was appalled and struggled to get loose
He let go laughing and grabbed her hand. As they walked together to meet the rest of the cast Claire noticed John, staring at them. She smiled and waved enthusiastically. John sipped his coffee and forced a smile.

Mark asked for silence, and while stirring his coffee said “Ok, people, this is the last time we meet here. Take the rest of the week off, work on your lines and I’ll be seeing you on Monday. We’re starting with the first scene. I’m going to try to shoot this movie following the order in the script as much as I can. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be close. I’ve gone through this in my head a million times and it seems to be the best way to do it.” He looked at Ryan “I’ve already cast a young Colin and a young Patrick, wait till you meet them. They’re both really talented kids. As for the young Victoria, I’m still trying to make up my mind, it’ll be settled by Monday, so don’t worry.” He looked at Claire “Brickwell, is there anything you’d like to add?”
Claire nodded and stood up “I just want to say that you have been amazing so far, and have given this script more life than I thought it could ever have. If any of you feel the need to talk to me about his or her lines, the characters, the tone, the pathos… anything, please feel free to do so.” she smiled and sat back down.
Ryan smiled impressed; she was really getting the hang of it now.

They reviewed most of the scenes and discussed a few changes Claire thought were quite appropriate. After they had finished, she sat to discuss a few aspects of Patrick’s personality with Jason and answered some questions Wes had about Aidan.
Diane checked with her a couple of things about her character’s motives and Bob asked her about certain aspects of the McNamara’s he thought were a bit confusing.


“So you and Patrick are together?” he still couldn’t believe it. How could he have missed it? Patrick had never mentioned he was attracted to her, quite the contrary in fact, he always thought she was too ‘nice’ for him – that was his way of saying he thought she was a prude and hence, a waste of his time –
Victoria nodded “We’ve been seeing each other for the past 5 months”
Five months… Colin remembered that night. It had been Aidan’s birthday and they had gathered for drinks at an Irish pub downtown. Laura, of course was not feeling well, so Colin went there by himself. They had danced, sang and laughed, and Aidan had left with some chick he had picked up a few minutes before they closed – he had always been a pickup artist – and Colin had always admired his skill. He had offered to walk Victoria home, but Laura had called him asking him to rush back. Patrick would look after Victoria this time. They got into his shiny new car and dropped him off on the way to Victoria’s. He hadn’t seen either of them after that.
“Since Aidan’s birthday party?”
“Yeah, well sort of. He asked me out for dinner the next day and we have been kind of inseparable ever since” he noticed how the expression on her face changed. Victoria had really fallen for her brother and by doing so, unknowingly stuck a dagger into his open chest. Why her? Patrick could have any woman he wanted. Why Victoria? His Victoria.
“Do Seamus and Patricia know about this?” his struggled to find a position in which he’d be comfortable, failing miserably
Another nod “We told them about it over dinner two days ago”
Patrick was serious about her. He never brought girls over to their parents’. It’s true that Victoria was not any girl, she had been a friend of the family since they were kids. More so, he thought, he wouldn’t dare toy around with her. It was too risky. Too low.
She got a coaster and set her cup on the table. “So, Colin, what was it you wanted to talk about?”
Think fast!… Laura’s pregnancy, his undying love for her, his despise for MC&M and everything it stood for… Right, work!
“Oh… just some work stuff. You know MC&M has business deals with many Spanish speaking countries… and well, I wondered if you would be interested in working as a translator for us; with a paying contract, of course.” He lifted his cup nonchalantly “I’m still working on it, but I just had to check with you first. I know you’re packed with offers right now… so I just wanted to know if you were interested” he babbled, he didn’t even know what he was saying. MC&M had many translators on the pay roll.
“Sure… I’d love to” she looked excited. MC&M was a very prestigious communications firm, she’s be thrilled to work for them
“Ok… good, then I’ll put in a good word for you.. and “ he stood up “Someone from personnel will probably call you in a week or so. Shall I give them this number?”
“Just give them my cell phone. I’ll probably be out of this apartment by then” she pointed at a few boxes (Colin hadn’t noticed) piled up next to the kitchen door.
“Great… so it’s a deal.” He breathed in “I’m gonna go now and leave you to your packing. Laura must be wondering where I am”
She walked him to the door; stared at him for a few seconds and jumped to hug him affectionately “I’m so happy you’re ok with this Colin. It means so much to me” he held her close, intoxicated by the smell of her hair and the touch of her soft skin against his cheek. He closed his eyes and felt all the pain, longing and anguish, Aidan had been talking about. If only he could freeze time.

Chapter 56

Claire sat impatiently on one of the couches in Bill’s office, as he finished reading her manuscript. Her eyes wandered around, focusing on the paintings that decorated the olive green walls. Bob had always been somewhat of a fine arts connoisseur and seemed to hold a special weakness for Gustav Klimt, the Austrian Symbolist painter… Quiet appropriate she thought, considering a great part of her novel took place in Vienna.
She looked at the time, Ryan was picking her up in an hour so they could have lunch together. Bill was taking his time and Claire began to tap her hands on her thighs. She started to think about the upcoming week; everything seemed so knew and exciting! She would get to witness the actual shooting from behind the scenes! She still couldn’t believe it. Also, George was coming to New York. Ryan probably missed him a lot.
She looked back at Bill… still reading. Hmmm… maybe he doesn’t like it. Maybe the ending’s too open, too abrupt. But it’s exactly how she needed it to be… this had been Edwina’s right of passage… she was now ready to face life back in London. The rest was up to the reader to decide. Still, Bill had really good instincts, and if he thought she needed to add a chapter or two; then she’d at least have to consider it. He hadn’t survived in this business out of pure luck… he had been doing this for quiet some time now, and pretty successfully by the way.
Bill closed the manuscript with a snap, Claire looked up startled.
He stared at her but gave nothing away…
“So?” Claire stared back inquisitively
He sighed, rubbed his beard and sat on the couch across from her shaking his head
Claire was terrified… “Bill? What did you think of it?”
“What can I say Claire… it’s …” he was really enjoying this petty torment “Sensational! Magnificent, elaborate, theatrical!... I love it!”
Claire grabbed a cushion and threw it at him “Oh… you’re such an ass! I loath you Bill Rosenthal! How could you toy with my emotions like that? You’re an evil man, that’s what you are. Shame on you!”
Bill dunk laughing. “Relax, Claire… C’mon it wasn’t that bad” he picked up the cushion and threw it back on to the couch.
“I thought you hated it” Claire bit her bottom lip smiling and shook her head
“No, babe… it’s perfect. I’ll start working on it today, if we’re lucky it will be out on the street in a month”
“Really?”
“Have I ever let you down?” he paused to think about Zach “Professionally, I mean”
“No… not once” she gazed at him smiling
“Ok, then…” He got up and carried the manuscript to his desk “How’s the movie going?”
“Oh… great! We’ve finished with the read throughs and we’re starting to shoot on Monday… listen to me… We?…They are starting to shoot on Monday” she placed the cushion back
“You’re not working this weekend?”
“No… ain’t that super?” she was looking forward to spending some peaceful time with Ryan
“Fancy a trip to the Hamptons?”
“Huh?”
“You do remember I own a house on the beach in the Hamptons, right?”
Claire nodded as he walked out of his office hurriedly. The truth was she had completely forgotten about it. She had spent a weekend there with them and Zach almost 4 years ago. It was a beautiful and traditional retreat located on East Hampton. Of course Bill could have never afforded such a fabulous place; he had acquired it the old fashioned way… inheriting it from a wealthy aunt who had been terribly fond of him.
He walked back in smiling, and threw a bunch of keys in her direction. Claire caught them and looked at him confused.
“Why don’t you and Ryan go there for the weekend; spend some time by yourselves. Getting out of the city will be good for you” he smiled
“Bill… I can’t possibly”
“Shh... it’s settled… I’ve already arranged everything. Martha is on her way right now to get things clean and running” he pulled his chair out from under his desk “Now... get out of my sight… I need to concentrate”
“But…”
Bill pretended to focus on the manuscript again
She smiled and grabbed her bag. As she was walking towards the door…
“Wait!” She turned to find Bill scribbling frantically on a piece of paper “This is the address. Do you need to borrow my car?” Bill handed her the note
“No, we’ll just rent one for the weekend” she took the note, folded it and gazed at Bill affectionately “Thanks… you’re amazing”
Bill smiled “You might want to call Tess and let her know… after yesterday’s class she thinks I’m retarded, and is beginning to worry about the genes I might have passed on to our baby!”
Claire laughed and walked out.

She stood on the corner of 42nd and 5th checking the time once again. It was still early; Ryan wouldn’t be there for at least another 20 minutes. She paused to consider and finally decided to walk half a block down to the New York Public Library. This was one of her favorite spots in the city. Even to this day, Claire climbed the stairs mesmerized at the marble classical details in this Beaux-Arts Design building. She wandered into the Main Reading room quietly, and sat to look around. This room brought back so many memories… it had been like a second home to her during her college years. She would spend hours with Karen: reading, writing and doing research in this very room. She stood up and walked around some more, taking an occasional glimpse at what different people sat reading quietly. As she got half way through the room, the cover of a familiar book caught her attention; she focused, bending slightly to examine it better. It was a copy of Raymond Carver’s ‘Fires’ (a collection of essays, poems and short stories, and her first contact with the tormented writer). She particularly remembered one of his poems ‘Your dog dies’: it was about a man who wrote a poem on finding his daughter’s dog dead on the side of the road. And the poem turns out to be so good he’s actually kind of glad the little mutt died, so; feeling terrible about this, he decides to write a poem about writing this poem. It was brilliant. Simple, and full of unvarnished honesty.
Lost in her thoughts she completely forgot how close she was standing to this young man who sat buried in his book, and as he gradually took notice of her, she began to step back (quietly). He turned his head to look at her; Claire breathed in, ready to apologize for her rude behavior. Finally he faced her, their gazes locked. Her heart stopped.
It was Zach.

Short brown hair, fresh clean shave; staring at her with his hazel eyes. It took them both a while to react. Zach, got up in startled amazement; Claire stood a few feet away, in shock.
“Claire?” he broke into a smile
She stood for a moment, paralyzed. In a flash, she turned and ran out of the room towards the main entrance.
Zach, not expecting this reaction, paused to consider his next move. Finally, he grabbed his stuff and ran after her.



Chapter 57

Her heart raced as she sprinted down the stairs and into the busy sidewalk; looking back, checking to see if he was behind her. She kept apologizing as she bumped into people walking the opposite way. As she reached the corner (her attention still on her back), she crashed into someone’s chest. “I’m really sorry” she apologized somewhat out of breath
“Is this your new way of greeting me, Brickwell?”
Claire looked up “Ryan! Hey!” she kissed him, grabbed his hand and pulled as she started walking westbound.
“You in a hurry?” Ryan looked at her smiling
Claire nodded… “I’m starving… you have no idea” she checked behind once more
“You wanna stop get something to eat here?” he pointed at a restaurant nearby
“No” she paused to consider; going back to Columbus Circle was probably not a good idea. If Zach was still looking for her; that would be one of the first places he’d check. “Let’s go near Rockefeller Center… I know a couple of really nice places to eat there”

They finally settled for a Mexican restaurant on 9th and 52nd. Claire was not crazy about this. Not only was this restaurant too close to her apartment, but the fact that Ryan wanted to sit outside, so he could smoke, made things even worse. (She was almost sure this would be a beautiful trip into the wonderful land of indigestion).
Claire looked around nervously, Ryan focused on the menu. He lifted his gaze.
“Looking for someone, Brickwell?” he pretended to keep on reading the menu
Claire rubbed her forehead “No. Why?”
He put the menu down “I dunno, you tell me”
She breathed out and smiled shaking her head
He lifted his menu again “So, how did it go?”
“Where?”
“With Bill… did he like it?”
“Oh… right. Yeah… he loved it” she needed to relax. There was no way they would run into Zach by now.
“That’s awesome, baby! I’m really happy for you”
“He says it could be in bookstores by next month. I need to tell Mark about this”
“Well, everything seems to be working out just fine for you now. See, Brickwell, you needed me” he winked at her smiling and gestured the waiter
“I guess I did, Gosling” she smiled and shook her head

They ordered beef enchiladas, chicken tacos and nachos with guacamole. Claire hoped Ryan would eat most of it; her recent encounter with Zach had made her feel somewhat sick to the stomach.
“So” Ryan sat back and lit a cigarette “What do you wanna do this weekend?”
She jumped, suddenly remembering Bill’s generous offer “Oh… Bill’s lending us his beach house in the Hamptons!”
“What?”
“Yeah… he gave me the keys today. His secretary is there now, getting everything ready”
“You’re kidding! Have you ever been there?”
Claire nodded “Yeah… a couple of years ago. It’s a really nice house, Ry. It’s a 3,000 square foot property with 4 bedrooms, an oasis-like backyard with a huge pool and a view of an adjacent 17-acre preserve. If I remember correctly, it was only a few minutes away from the ocean, and the shops and restaurants.”
Ryan lifted his eyebrows impressed as the food arrived. He dipped a nacho in the guacamole “Is Bill rich?”
Claire smiled “Not really. I mean, I know he does ok, but he could never afford to buy such a luxurious property. He inherited it from a rich aunt.”
“Must be really expensive to maintain”
“I guess… but I know he would never sell it. He loves that house. It reminds him of his summers as a kid”
“Ok, then… it’s settled.”
“We need still need to rent a car, though. He offered his, but I thought it was too much”
Ryan nodded… “Absolutely, I’ll deal with it after lunch” he put out his cigarette and dove into a burrito.

Colin and Laura got married 3 weeks later. It was a simple event; there hadn’t been much time to prepare anything too fancy. During the ceremony Seamus stood imperturbable, Patricia wept inconsolably. Colin had always been her favorite, and the thought of losing him to another woman so suddenly, was too much for her to deal with. She did organize everything though, and considering the short notice, she had managed to put together quite an impressive reception.
Laura looked beautiful in a cream colored dress, her blond hair decorated with hundreds of tiny flowers. It was somewhat of an intimate reception, not the kind that would be expected from a family as influential as the McNamara’s; but Patricia thought they shouldn’t make a big fuss out of it (considering the situation at hand).
Victoria looked stunning as she sat next to Patrick on the second row. Aidan was Colin’s best man, and in an attempt to relax the tight atmosphere, pointed out to Laura (more than once) that he was completely available, if she chose to change her mind at the last minute. Laura picked three bridesmaids, two of which Colin had never met. They were dancers just like her, and flaunted slender silhouettes.
They gathered at the McNamara’s country home, a large estate with an indoor and outdoor pool, a tennis court, an impressive garden which needed 3 gardeners constantly tending to it, and a guest house. The weather was quite tolerable for that time of year, so Patricia arranged the tables in the garden and set an outdoor stage for the band to play.
Champagne flowed and, as Laura couldn’t drink, Colin made sure he drank every drop she hadn’t. Halfway through the evening she began to feel sick and went inside to lay down, insisting Colin stay and enjoy the party.
After dancing with most of Patricia’s friends he decided to walk down the path that led to the guest house. He needed sometime alone.
He sat on a bench next to a medium size maze; his father had designed when they first bought the property. Seamus said it helped him focus, and it seemed to work, for whenever he felt stuck with something, he would walk in there, only to come out an hour later with a perfectly logical solution to his problem.
Colin bent over and massaged his temples trying to get rid of what he thought was an impending headache. He rubbed his eyes and pulled out a cigarette from his coat’s side pocket. As he was about to light it, he thought he heard a woman’s laugh behind him. He tuned to peep through the bushes and inside the maze. It was one of the unknown bridesmaids making out with… could it be? Yes. It was Patrick! He shushed her and grabbed her hand leading her in the direction of the guest house. She paused to take off her shoes and ran to keep up with him.
Colin breathed in, sat back, and lit his cigarette in complete impotence. Patrick hadn’t changed a bit, and was using Victoria as the perfect façade. He probably liked her a lot, maybe even loved her. Just not enough to give up his way of life. He had always been a player, and would continue to be one till his last breath.

He stepped on his consumed cigarette and was about to get up when Victoria showed up. She looked like she was searching for something.
“Hey, Colin!”
He looked up and licked his upper lip feeling slightly sorry for her. “Vic… how are you?”
She smiled “Have you seen Patrick? I seemed to have lost him”
He paused, sighed and shook his head “Nope… haven’t seen him”
She looked ahead in the direction of the guest house
Colin turned to look that way “No… I don’t think he’s over there. Let’s go back to the party. He’s probably wasted and has fallen asleep behind the stage.”
He got up, forced a smile and they both walked back up the path.
There was nothing he could do. It was his duty as a brother to cover up for him.

Chapter 58

Claire sat in her apartment lobby excited. Ryan would pick her up as soon as he finished collecting some of his stuff at the hotel. She lifted her legs and set them on top of her suitcase, sitting back to rest for a while. Her phone rang, and before answering, she glanced outside in case Ryan was having a hard time parking and needed her to come out. Nope, she couldn’t see him.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Claire!”
“John?”
“Yeah… how are you?”
“I’m ok… what about you?”
“Fine... Hey, I was wondering what your plans were for the weekend. Do you wanna hang out?”
“Oh… Ryan and I are spending the weekend at the Hamptons. My editor lent us his beach house”
“Wow… that’s awesome! When are you leaving?”
“As soon as Ryan gets here. We thought we’d leave today so we could make the most out the weekend”
“Right, good idea. A warning, though, the highway will be packed. Everyone leaves at this time”
Claire glanced outside once more “We figured as much, but we’re not in a hurry… so, whatever... we’ll get there eventually”
“Sure… so, I guess I’ll see you guys on Monday, then”
“Yeah… I’m really excited about it!”
“I’m glad. Ok, Claire, take care. Call me if you guys need anything”
“Ok, thanks, Hunter. Have a great weekend”

Just as she hang up her phone Dan showed up to help her with her luggage “Mr. Gosling's outside, Ms Brickwell, and there’s nowhere for him to park”
“Oh… ok” she hurried behind him.

It took them almost 3 hours to get there. John was right, the highway had been hell. Ryan had rented a ridiculously oversized SUV, mentioning it could even drive on quick sand.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you have size issues, Gosling” Claire teased him as she got in.


They both gazed in awe as they drove into the cobblestone path across from the main entrance.
“This is amazing, Brickwell!”
Claire nodded “I know… unbelievable, right?”
Claire jumped off the car as Ryan carried their bags inside. He left them in the lobby and they walked around to inspect the place further. It was gigantic. High ceilings and huge French windows surrounding it. It reminded Claire of what she had imagined the McNamara’s country estate would look like.
Claire grabbed her bag, yelled at Ryan “I’ll race you!” and ran up the stairs in search of the Master bedroom.
Ryan laughed and ran, almost catching up with her.
They burst into the room laughing and stopped dead to gaze at the enormous room with a king sized bed, a fireplace and two bathrooms (one on each side of the room). It had cream colored carpeted floor, stylish mahogany furniture and a huge flat screen that slid down from the ceiling, where it lay hidden. The house had probably been refurbished and redecorated recently by Tess.
She stood completely taken aback by the beauty of the room, and Ryan seized the opportunity to lift her unexpectedly, and throw her onto the bed.
“That’s not fair Gosling… you caught me off guard” she said as she landed on the immense bed.
Ryan laughed and jumped next to her. They lay, staring at the ceiling as they held each other’s hand.
Suddenly Ryan turned to his side and looked at her “We should take a bath”
“OK” she smiled
“Great!” he jumped out of bed excited
Claire shook her head “You go fix it while I unpack some of our stuff”
He nodded and walked towards the bathroom on the right end of the room.



“What’s taking you so long?” Ryan yelled from the bathroom
Claire walked inside in her robe finding Ryan already immersed in the foamy tub. He had dimmed the lights, arranged for some background music and lit quite a few candles around it. She smiled thinking how he had gone out of his way to create such a romantic atmosphere.
She stepped up to the tub, fixed her hair up and slid her robe off. Ryan gazed at her smiling.
The water was perfect, and she felt a soothing scent of jasmine surrounding them. He moved towards her and grabbed her, placing her on top of him as she kissed him, thanking him for such a beautiful surprise.
They made love slowly till the water cooled down and the foam dissolved.


“The refrigerator is packed with food!” Claire carried a tray with a couple of toasted croissant sandwiches and 2 beer bottles. Ryan sat in bed, playing with the monster screen’s remote control.
He grabbed the tray pulling her down to kiss her and set it beside him on the bed. Claire fixed her robe smiling and walked around to get on the other side of the bed.
Ryan picked up his beer and swigged “This thing is amazing, it’s got like hundreds of different gadgets”
“Anything good on it?” she gave him a napkin and sat, crossing her legs, to eat her croissant.
“No” he flicked the channels
“Wait!” Claire thought she saw something “Go back”
He did, rather unwillingly
“That’s you! You’re on TV, Ryan!”
It was Half Nelson, barely starting.
Ryan moaned… “Claire… do you really wanna watch this?”
She nodded insistently, her mouth busy chewing.
“Ok”
“What is it?”
“Half Nelson”
“You hair is brown. It looks good on you! So this is the one you got nominated for, right?” she pointed at the screen
He nodded looking away
“C’mon sweetheart, I’ve been wanting to see this movie for ages. Pleeeease!” she rubbed his arm softly
“Sure, why not?” he sighed, sat back and made up his mind to enjoy it.

Claire lay on his chest, completely immersed in the movie. Ryan brushed her hair gently as he finished her beer.
As soon as it was over she sat up to look at him. Ryan stretched himself and looked back at her inquisitively.
“Ryan...” she looked awfully serious “This is a really good movie and you were incredible in it!”
He laughed shaking his head
She grabbed his face fixing his eyes on hers “Honey… I’m serious about this. I mean, I knew you were good… but… not this good. You’re extremely talented for your age, this role was for someone older, more experienced. And yet…” she shook her head “You have great instincts; I guess it must come naturally to you”
“You’re too nice, Claire… it was ok. Nothing more” He smiled, kissed her, jumped off the bed and walked towards the bathroom.
Claire sat in bed motionless. She suspected Ryan to be a talented actor, but The Notebook hadn’t done him any justice. It was a ‘nice’ movie and he looked really hot in it; but he was so much more than that. Claire had been proud of Ryan ever since she got to know him better; but now, for the first time she honestly thought he was a real artist.
She felt a familiar feeling grow inside her, just like when she heard Zach discuss literature for the first time.
Claire made love to him that night, with both her body and her mind.


Chapter 59

Colin sat in the emergency waiting room, biting his nails and glancing intermittently at the swinging doors ahead. Doctors and nurses hurried in and out completely oblivious of him.
He had come home from work early that evening.

With each passing day, working at MC&M had become increasingly unbearable. He could feel how the ventilation system sucked out all the oxygen and the walls in his office slowly caved in. It was torture, and he didn’t know how much more of it he could take.
His job description at his father’s profitable enterprise was kind of vague. He was actually given the liberty to develop whatever project he felt like – within the company’s mission, of course -. Colin had accepted this job eagerly, only to find that MC&M’s mission was not even remotely related to what its mission statement declared:
“An endless source of solid, trustworthy information and critical thinking. Looking to preserve, collect and foster the understanding of great literature and art. Reaching out to the community and encouraging civic involvement; while adhering to the highest standards of honesty, integrity and communicative excellence.”
No. MC&M’s mission could be summarized – Colin thought – into two words: Making Money (and lots of it).
Even though MC&M had been the sole provider of his carefree existence, Colin felt nothing but the highest disregard for it. It was a monster that fed on you principles and nourished on your sensibility and good will. Completely pointless to battle against. Seamus had built it to be adamantine all the way down to its massive and impervious foundations.

He opened the door to his apartment feebly, wondering why the lights were out. Laura should be home by now.
“Honey, I’m home!” he yelled as he set his bag near the entrance.
Silence.
He walked to the bedroom, expecting to find her sound asleep in bed. Nothing. As he turned, he noticed a light coming from underneath the bathroom door. He smiled and knocked gently.“Hon? Are you in there?”
Not a sound.
He pressed his ear against the door, straining to listen. He paused and knocked again, slightly louder this time
“Laura? Are you ok?. Do you need me to come in there?”
Nothing but the sound of his own breathing.
He pushed the door open and gasped. His pale wife lay unconscious in what seemed to be an ocean of blood.

“Relatives of Ms. Laura Scranton?”
Colin jumped off his seat gesturing towards the nurse.
“Are you a direct relative?” she inspected him from beneath her thick framed glasses
Colin nodded “I’m her husband”
She fixed her glasses, “This way please” and gestured him to follow her.
Laura lay asleep in a small, white, sterile room. Her pale arm stretched out to allow for an IV drip. Colin had always been terrified of needles and shivered at the sight of it.
“Mr. McNamara, right?”
He turned to find a young African American doctor in blue scrubs, holding a medical chart; who lead him out of the room and into the hallway.
“I’m Dr. Whitney, I’ve been looking after your wife” they shook hands and Colin stared at him inquisitively.
“She’s ok now. She’s lost a lot of blood.”
Colin licked his upper lip and nodded, concerned.
“She’ll be staying here for a couple of days… just to be on the safe side. You’ll probably be able to take her home soon”
“Good”… he looked in the direction of her room and paused “Doctor,…about the baby?”
Dr. Whitney sighed and put his arms across his chest. “She had a miscarriage. There was nothing we could do about it. I’m truly sorry, Mr. McNamara”
Colin paused once more, his eyes fixed on the door… he nodded silently, and walked back into her room.

Claire stood on the terrace facing the dreamlike backyard and leaned slightly on the railing. It was a beautiful day and the sun’s reflection on the crystal blue water in pool below, made her eyes squint.
She turned to gaze at Ryan who lay still asleep. After last night, something had changed in the way she looked at him. She was beginning to admire and respect his craft in a way she never thought she would.
She took a quick shower and tip toed downstairs to fix some breakfast.
Ryan opened his eyes and turned to look at Claire’s side of the bed. As he did so, he caught her sitting in the terrace ahead, sipping coffee and reading the paper.
He jumped out of bed smiling, stretched and walked into the bathroom.


“From Read Throughs To Walk Throughs By Richard Morris
One of my trustworthy sources has informed me that the cast of ‘A Multitude of Sins’ has finished working on the script, and is now ready to start shooting. Our own and dear Big Apple will become the set of Mark Shaw’s highly anticipated vision.
I happen to know about some of the locations they’ve chosen and will give you a hint, as long as you promise to cooperate with the production, allowing them to work smoothly. The tighter their schedule runs, the faster we’ll get to catch them on the big screen. My advice: stick to the east side of Manhattan.
I know they will be taking interviews during the shooting, and personally hope to get a chance to meet our dazzling new star, Claire Brickwell. As you all know, perseverance and patience have always been surfeit qualities in me.
Gosling will probably charm everyone with his unrehearsed witty remarks and insightful ideas about the story, characters and script.
Shaw has agreed to meet me sometime next week, after which I’ll be able to further illustrate you on the ongoing process.
I will leave you now till next time – this has been a short update, I know – with two questions for you to ponder on: The first one is: We know who Brickwell’s favorite painter is, of course… but can you guess her favorite author? And the second: East Hampton, anyone?”

He walked into the terrace quietly and wrapped his arms around her neck, kissing her ear lobe gently. Claire jumped, almost spilling her coffee.
“Gosling, you scared the hell out of me!” she had been concentrating on Morris’ article.
Ryan laughed as she set the cup on the table and pushed him away. Then, realizing her overreaction, she stood up and kissed him.
“Did you fix this?” he stood holding her as he glanced at the table
“No, Jeeves, the butler, is hiding in one of the kitchen cupboards waiting for us to finish so he can clean up” she teased
Ryan squeezed her between his arms as Claire struggled to get loose “You shouldn’t be this funny so early in the morning… it could be bad for your health, you know?”
He let go and Claire laughed as she poured some coffee into his cup.
“Are you working out today?” Claire handed him the cup, fixed her robe and sat back on her chair.
He sipped and turned to look at the backyard “I dunno”
“Maybe we could take a swim, that would be a really good work out, right?”
He nodded smiling
“Ry, I know you need to work on your lines and everything. So, I’ve thought about it.” She lifted her cup “We can spend the day at the pool, grab a quick lunch, I could drive downtown, maybe go window shopping for a while and you can work.” She grabbed a piece of toast and started spreading marmalade on it “Then, tonight we can go have dinner at a nice restaurant. Sounds good?” she handed him the toast
He took it “Perfect”
“Ok, good” She let her hair down and began to fix it up again with a clip
“I wish you’d let your hair down more” he gazed at her
“Huh?”
“I like it better that way” he scratched his chest
“Ok” Claire smiled and removed the clip, letting her long hair flow onto her shoulders. She looked at the backyard, feeling slightly self conscious “It’s beautiful, don’t you think?”
Ryan nodded “I’m definitely going to have to get a place here… after finding something in Manhattan, of course”
Claire stared back at him “Sorry?”
“Well, Manhattan is your home… I’m going to have to set some kind of fixed residence there as well, don’t you think?” he winked at her and smiled
Claire held back from jumping up to hug him. He was actually making long term plans to be with her!

Chapter 60


She stood on the edge and dove gracefully into the spotless pool. Swimming was one of the few things Claire did really well. Her parents had made her take swimming lessons ever since she was a toddler. They believed it was one of the most important things their children should learn. Claire was literally ‘like a fish in water’, and had even taken some lifeguard courses as a teenager.
Ryan ran from the far end of the garden and splashed his way into the water shouting.
Instantly his head bobbed out of the water, he shook it and they both laughed.
His phone rang, and after rolling his eyes, he got out, picked up a towel and answered it.
Claire swam for a while, feeling completely relaxed, and finally jumped out to sunbathe on the warm stoned edge of the pool.


“It was a blessing really”
“What was, Patricia?”
“Laura’s miscarriage. A blessing in disguise” She nodded staring at the ceiling as she lay on Dr. Bernhardt’s office couch
“And why is that?” Dr. Bernhardt on an armchair behind her, sat back, crossed his legs and listened attentively
“Well, it was all wrong, you know. Right from the beginning. Colin doesn’t love her. He never did. It’s just his noble nature … I’ll admit it was foolish and reckless of him to get her pregnant in the first place. But I suspect he had little choice in the matter”
“We always have a choice, Patricia”
She paused to consider. No, she never had a choice. Marrying Seamus had always been her only option. Her parents wouldn’t have had it any other way. It’s not that she didn’t love Seamus, she did, deeply. However, these last few years, she just craved for a life away from him. Away from his Swiss clock schedule, his impeccable oratory, his morning clean shave… She wished she could tuck her shirt out, let her hair hang loose in the wind, eat a whole box of caramels, read a trashy romantic novel… But Seamus had married her for her spotless appearance, her discreet charm, and her educated background. He would not put up with these ‘silly tantrums’ of hers.
Patricia missed working, getting up in the morning and coming back home in the evening, feeling she had done something for humanity; her own little grain of sand, a small push that kept the earth spinning in the right direction – At least she liked to think she was responsible for some of that –
Of course, there was charity work now. Endless tea gatherings with pointless women of leisure, just like herself. Pointless indeed. Devoid of any sense of reality or compassion. Horrified at what the world was turning into, while they sipped and talked about the hot new plastic surgeon in town. All she looked forward to in those meetings was hearing the phrase “Till next Wednesday, ladies!”. That meant she wouldn’t have to endure them for the next seven days.
She did look forward to her daily exercise session, though. Brian, her personal trainer, flirted with her innocently and made her feel beautiful for an hour everyday. Of course she had never even considered having an affair with him. (Something her friends just assumed had already happened, and which she cumbersomely denied each time.)
The rest of her day was pretty dull. She organized the household daily activities, decided on the appropriate menu, supervised the grocery shopping and checked every corner of the house making sure it was spick and span.
She spoke to her mother just before lunch, everyday. The driver would take her to the most expensive boutiques in town where she’d nonchalantly spend thousands of dollars on clothes and accessories. Patrick would call her everyday from his office downtown, asking her about her day, and arranging their regular and almost religious weekly dinner. There was now an extra place to set on the table; considering Victoria had come into his life. Patricia liked her very much. In a way, she was almost jealous of her… Victoria was an independent woman, with interests and aspirations. Of course, falling for Patrick - she thought - had been her only flaw. He could never make her happy. There was only one person he could satisfy completely, and that was himself. Patricia loved her son very much, but knew the kind of human being he had turned into. She secretly wished Victoria would realize the truth and walk away before it was too late.
Fortunately, Patricia had her plants… a small and blooming greenhouse Seamus had designed for her in the terrace of their luxurious penthouse. Patricia spent hours in there, listening to operas by Verdi and Puccini and nurturing her wide variety of exotic plants. It was the one moment of her day that possessed true, unbridled passion.

“Patricia? Are you listening to me?” Dr Bernhardt leaned forward slightly
“Yes Doctor, I am”
“So… you were saying something about Colin not having a choice”
“Right, as I was saying; it’s his noble spirit and good will, Doctor. I don’t think there’s an ounce of malice in this son of mine. Still, he’s put up with so much during his life”
“Are you referring to Seamus’ constant demands?”
She nodded “Yes. He’s always been so hard on him. Pushing him to outdo himself, to be better… nothing is ever enough for him” she felt her eyes moisten
“Nevertheless, Colin seems to have grown up to become a talented young man”
“Oh… but he is talented. Very talented. Too talented for his own good. He just loves his father so much, it’s devastating. Constantly torn between the kind of person he wants to be, and the kind Seamus expects him to become”
“He’s working for Seamus right now, isn’t he?”
“He hates it there… He never said a word to me, but I know he does. He’s working up the courage to quit.”
“Do you believe he should quit?”
“Absolutely. I know he has projects of his own. Colin has other priorities in life; he never did care about money and material goods. He’s an artist, a touched soul.”
“Do you think Seamus will respect and understand this, stepping aside and abiding to his son’s wishes and aspirations?”
Patricia sat up and turned to look at him “Did I tell you about my newly acquired Adenium Somalense? It is originally from Arabia and East Africa, commonly known as Desert Rose. It has a swollen, twisted pale grey trunk with glossy, club-shaped leaves. And the flowers – which I’ve been told appear almost continually – are beautiful. Trumpet – shaped, with colors ranging from white through bright pink to crimson red. It is known to exude a highly toxic sap, which is used to this day as a poison for arrows!”

Ryan hang up the phone and set it on one of the chairs nearby. He looked at Claire who lay half asleep on the opposite end of the pool. Silently he slid into the water and swam towards her, humming the ‘Jaws’ theme song under his breath.
He stopped, just a few inches away from her and smiled mischievously. In a split second, he grabbed her by the waist and plunged her into the water.
Claire opened her eyes in mid air, just before her warm body collapsed into the cool water beneath. As her feet touched the bottom, she pushed her body upwards and bobbed out of the water, gasping for air. It had been completely unexpected.
Ryan floated in front of her, laughing wildly
“You’re gonna pay for that, Gosling!” She jumped towards him, and setting both hands on top of his head, pushed him into the water; holding him down for a few seconds.
He finally broke free and lifted her in the air laughing as she screamed and kicked. He kissed her forcefully and threw her a few feet away.
Claire was really pissed now. This was plain and simple abuse! She thought about fighting back, but considered it an exercise in futility; Ryan was much stronger than she was… Claire had no chance of winning. She decided to ignore him and swam towards the edge.
“Where are you going, Brickwell?”
She glanced back at him “I give up, Gosling. You win”
He smiled and stretched out to grab her leg, pulling her towards him. Claire struggled in vain. He held her tight, pressing her body against his and kissed her “I was just getting started”. He slid his hand to the back of her neck and in a single motion, unhooked her bikini top as he pushed her towards one of the edges near the shallow part of the pool.
He began to kiss her breasts as Claire pushed him off slightly, browsing the scene and making sure there was no one around to see them.
Confident about their privacy now, she smiled at him, unhooked the back part of her top and set it on the nearby ledge. She lifted his head and kissed him, feeling completely aroused.
Claire slid her hands down and unbuttoned his trunks as he pulled on the ribbons that held her bikini and tore it off.
She wrapped her legs around his hips and placed her hands on either side of her head, holding on to the ledge behind her. One of his hands pressed her against him as the other one grabbed the stone, allowing him to keep his balance. He began to move inside her slowly; their tongues brushed each other. She felt a mixture of hot and cold as the water diffused between and around her hips and legs. He thrust deep inside of her and bit the side of her neck as she moaned in ecstasy. Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her; carrying her out of the water, up the steps and on to a nearby cushioned chaise lounge that lay around the pool. Claire held on to his neck by one arm, pushing off the extra cushions with the other, off the chair and onto the floor hastefully. Still inside her, he set her down gently and lay on top of her. He gazed at her completely infatuated while she moaned breathlessly with each one of his movements. Claire opened her eyes and gazed back at him, feeling how every single inch of her body responded to him. She pulled his chest against hers crossing her arms tightly around him, shivering as their wet bodies fused. As soon as she thought she would lose control, she kissed him, gently rubbing the hair on the back of his neck and whispered into his ear “I love you”. Seconds later, her pleasure peaked as she bit his shoulder to muffle her scream.
Ryan moaned as her warmth surrounded him, it was too much for him and he finally let himself go, collapsing on top of her.
She held him as they both recovered their breath under the midday sun.


He brought her back home on a Thursday evening. She looked much better now, after having received two blood transfusions. A small white gauze stuck to her arm, the only memento of the dreadful episode. They had performed a D&C – dilation and curettage - procedure on her as soon as he had brought her in. The doctor explained it was a minimally invasive surgical procedure and the best chance they had to stop the persistent hemorrhage.
Laura hadn’t uttered a single word since they left the hospital. Tears kept rolling down her cheeks as she looked out the window of the car. Colin helped her up the two flights of stairs, got the shower running and boiled some water for tea.
He sat waiting for her to step out of the shower, staring at the tiny whirlwind that formed as he stirred her tea. That was exactly how he felt, his mind twisted and turned; a mixture of pain and relief, of deliverance and unbearable guilt.
Laura hardly touched her tea, her eyes still swollen, her gaze fixed on the palpable void between them.
She walked up to him as he sat in front of her and bent to kiss him, softly. Then, brushing his hair slightly she turned and headed for the bedroom where she got into bed (wishing she would never wake up again).

Colin stared blankly at the steamy mug in front of him; he rubbed his eyes as he felt them moisten. Gradually his blurred vision cleared and he examined the cup further. It displayed the McNamara family crest in red, yellow and silver; hand cut into the dark blue ceramic. Above the mighty design, an inscription: ‘Virtute et Valore’. Seamus had given it to him the day he started working at MC&M; it had been his way of welcoming him into the family name and trade.
He licked his upper lip, shook his head and breathed out (almost grinning). In sudden determination, he got up, grabbed his coat and walked out of his apartment.