Writer's Block (Chapter 71 to 80)

Chapter 71

Ryan walked quietly into the room. He paused to gaze at her as she lay sleeping; an overwhelming feeling of anxiety took over him as he pictured his life without her. He stripped off his clothes and crawled into bed.
He lay gazing at her; examining every angle, every line, every freckle. The fullness of her lips, the curve of her eyelashes, the soft glow of her skin. He brushed an infamous lock of hair off her face and sighed. Claire opened her eyes slightly startled and gazed back at him. She was so glad to know he was ok. Claire had spent the rest of the night wondering if Jason had been able to stop him from doing something reckless and dumb. They lay with their eyes fixed on each other, a few inches away. After a century of silent contemplation, she breathed in and reached out to kiss him almost desperately, letting him know how much she had been yearning for his return.
He kissed her back deliriously and smiled, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. She still wanted him, in spite of his incontrollable macho outburst, in spite of John’s finesse and dexterity, in spite of everything.
“Claire, I’m sorry…” he grabbed her face fixing her eyes on his “…Not for hitting John – God knows he had it coming – but for making you witness that and embarrassing you in front of all those people. It will never happen again”
Claire nodded “I’m the one who should be apologizing, Ry… I should have never let John come near me the way he did. I guess it must have looked terrible from where you were standing. He’s just a friend to me, nothing more.” She breathed out helplessly “I guess you were right when you told me he was probably not interested in just my friendship”
He chuckled under his breath. “I don’t believe there’s a single guy in this planet who, given the choice, would settle for just your friendship”
She punched his chest and climbed to sit on top of him holding his arms against the bedpost “That’s a rotten thing to say, Gosling! I happen to have a lot of male friends”
He shook his head “Have they ever been given the choice?” he lifted his eyebrows
“You mean if I ever gave them the wrong idea?”
He nodded
“No… but ...”
He freed himself from her grip and put his finger on her mouth shushing her “I rest my case”
“You know, Gosling… sometimes…” she breathed in and pressed her thighs against his hips “I really want to smother you!”
“Hmmm… kinky, Brickwell… I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff” he laughed grabbing her hips while pressing them against his; and sat up to kiss her as she struggled playfully.

Patrick’s bachelor party was an all weekend event. A group of 20 young lawyers from his firm, Aidan and Colin sat on a cabaret lounge that had been rented out exclusively for the occasion.
Colin had avoided their engagement party, using Laura’s perpetually fragile health and disposition as an excuse. He didn’t think he would be able to endure it. Images of the night they had spent together, almost three months ago, still haunted him to this day.
It was already Sunday evening and Colin couldn’t take any more booze, smoke or naked women. Patrick and his friends had consumed all kinds of illegal substances, and had participated in endless orgies.
Both Aidan and Colin were clearly not into that kind of stuff; and stuck to tipping the strippers and to the occasional private dance. Aidan had always been quite a connoisseur in the ladies’ department, but he still believed sex should be something men used their skills to obtain, not their money. Besides, he was not crazy about the idea of having other men in the picture too. One, two… maybe even three girls, and himself; and that’s where he drew the line.
They were amazed to see how Patrick felt at ease in this environment. Colin figured all this money and power had provided his brother with somewhat of a laissez-faire attitude towards sex and intimacy. By now, he had probably experienced more than Colin could ever even wish to explore in that department. Of course, Colin thought, the next and obvious step was to get married. It killed him to think his brother would probably never give up on this life. It was embedded deep into his spirit, like a powerful addiction; and these things, he knew, were too hard to get rid of after a certain age.
He wondered how much longer would Victoria fool herself into buying his silly excuses and elaborate stories; and marveled at the fact that she could be so bright and insightful in some areas, and so gullible and naïve in others.
“Are you ok, honey?” he was suddenly brought back from his thoughts by Candy (obviously an artistic, and not very original, name she had chosen to go by), a petite topless blonde that sat on top of him, and moved to the rhythm of Inaya Day's remixed version of ‘Nasty Girl’ by Vanity 6.
He nodded and forced a smile “I’m great… you’re… pretty amazing by the way” he slid a 20 dollar bill on the side of her thong.
“It’s just that… I don’t feel your… you know… all hot and bothered, if you know what I mean. Is there something else you’d like me to do?” she stuck her tongue into his ear and moaned
“Wow! hey… take it easy there Candy… I’m kind of shy, you know?” he pushed her away gently “And no… you’re doing just fine… the fact that you don’t feel…”
She finished his sentence “A boner?”
“Right… thank you for putting it so gracefully… well, it doesn’t mean anything. I’m as hot and bothered as I will ever be in my life!”
“Ok” she kept on moving “So, are you a lawyer too?”
He shook his head “No… I’m ‘the brother’”
“You’re Patrick’s brother?” she put his face between her breasts
He nodded, marveling at her ability to maintain a casual conversation while doing what she was doing.
“Wow… I finally got to meet you! Your brother really loves you, you know. He always goes on and on about how bright and talented you are, and how your father loves you best…”
He paused to consider, as Candy turned around and sat on him facing the other way, teasing him with her butt. Patrick talked about me? Huh! All this time he had figured his brother thought he was a loser, and was actually embarrassed of having such an unsuccessful relative.
“Really?”
“Aha…” she grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts “He worships you… only the other day he was talking about how he wished he had half the … what was the word he used? .. vir… virtuosliness?”
“Virtuosity?”
“Yeah! That’s right... the virtuosity you posess” she turned to face him again “You guys are so smart… I dropped out of high school at fifteen… never got to learn all those fancy words” she shrugged regretfully “Anyway… are you married?” she licked his earlobe
Colin nodded, recalling how Laura and he had barely spoken to each other in the last three months. She would wait eagerly for him to make love to her on her ‘fertile days’, pushing him away any other night, and crying inconsolably every time she got her period.
‘Does she know you’re here?”
He nodded again
She paused to gaze at him feeling sorry “Going through a rough spot, are you? Don’t worry… I’ll make sure you have a great time tonight. You look like you deserve it”
He smiled and grabbed a cigarette “Do you mind if I smoke. It helps me relax” he lifted the cigarette and showed it to her
“As long as there’s one in there for me too, cowboy” she pointed at the pack of cigarettes
Colin gave her his cigarette, got another one and lit them both.
“I don’t usually smoke on the job… but given the circumstances… I guess I can make an exception with you” she breathed out smoke and smiled
Colin gazed at her, thinking she must have been strikingly beautiful at some point in her life. Years of bad sleep and reckless living had aged her prematurely, and though she still looked good, there was a certain abandonment in her expression… as if life had dealt her the wrong cards and she had cashed in her chips, and walked out of the game for good.
Candy turned around once more, sat on him and jumped off suddenly “Wow, Mister… have you got one of those electronic devices on you?”
Colin frowned confused and searched his pockets. It was his cell phone; he had set it on vibrating mode, convinced he wouldn’t be able to hear it on top of the loud music.
Candy sighed relieved as he answered it
“Hello?” he strained to listen
“Mr. McNamara?”
“Yes… who is this?”
“I’m calling from the hospital. Your wife has just been admitted”
“What! What happened? Is she ok?”
“She tried to take her own life, sir. I recommend you come here as soon as you can”
“Right… yeah… I’m on my way” he stood up, took a one hundred dollar bill from his wallet and handed it to her.
Candy took the money puzzled "Is everything ok?" she yelled at him as he hurried out.
Aidan caught a glimpse of Colin leaving, tipped his stripper and rushed to follow him.

Chapter 72

They had picked a spot on Stanton St. in the Lower East Side of Manhattan (just below Houston St.). Ryan had gone to Equinox in the morning, and told her they would meet at the set around noon. Claire took the subway, relishing on her anonymity and stopped to get the NY Times on her way to Columbus Station. As she stood in the platform waiting, she browsed through the paper...

“Western Showdown by Richard Morris
First of all, I’d like to reveal the answers to the enigmatic queries I had set upon my readers in the last update of what I like to call ‘The Brickwell Chronicles’. I’m sorry to say my expeditious staff has gone through all your letters and not even one of you got the first one right. The truth is, you weren’t even close. Brickwell’s favorite author is none other than the late, Oregon born and long time struggling alcoholic: Raymond Carver (1938 – 1998); responsible for brilliant collections of short stories such as ‘Will You Please Be Quiet, Please?’ (1976) and ‘Cathedral’ (1984).
Of course you might be thinking, why do I care who her favorite author is, (especially considering the man’s been dead for ten years)? Simple. There seems to be a helpless attraction between Brickwell and Carver’s works, as she approached a seemingly unknown man, in the New York Public Library, only three days ago. This man happened to be reading a copy of ‘Fires’: Carver’s highly acclaimed collection of short stories, essays and poems. And this is where one must reflect on the whimsical coincidences our beloved city will mysteriously force upon some of its inhabitants. The unknown man turned out to be Zach Wilder!
As far as I know, this has been the first time they’ve seen each other in the last three years, and though the encounter was brief – as Brickwell ran off into the busy street – yours truly is still trying to figure out what will become of this fortuitous coincidence. Wilder is presenting his novel at the Met this evening, in a room that – I’ve been told – will hold quite a few of Rothko’s most celebrated works. Will we find Brickwell among the attendance? Marcus Browning, his talented editor, has confessed to me Wilder specifically asked him to mail her a personal invitation to the event, along with a copy of his recent and scandalous novel.
But fear not, my loyal followers, I will personally be there to check on the audience and report back to you hastefully.
As for question number two… yes, most of you guessed this one. Gosling and Brickwell spent the weekend relaxing at Bill Rosenthal’s country estate in East Hampton. Bill is Claire’s editor and a soon to be father.
Brickwell was seen purchasing garments at the Ralph Lauren store on Main Street; browsing through books at a nearby bookstore and having coffee with someone who seems to be surprisingly and conveniently always ‘in the neighborhood’: our bad boy gone good, John Hunter.
It all looked pretty innocent for the most part… but was it?
Now you must be wondering how does all of this relate to my ‘Clint Eastwood’ reference in the title? All in good time my friends.
It seems, last night, a few members of the cast of ‘Sins’ got together to enjoy one of the legendary Smith/Morrissey nights at the Moroccan themed bar Sway Lounge, in Western Soho. They danced, sang and had an altogether great time… until; Hunter seized the scene. As Brickwell and he chatted lightly and drank champagne, a certain gesture caught Ryan’s attention. Gosling, without giving him the benefit of the doubt, knocked Hunter off his seat with an unexpected blow. I have been told – for I wasn’t there myself – that the vicious look he wore, reminded more than one, of his character Danny Balint from 'The Believer': the compelling story about a young Jewish man who is contradicted by his neo-nazi beliefs.
The showdown ended as quickly as it started, when Jason Shwartzman escorted the young actor out of the bar, and Brickwell ran to aid the fallen Hunter.
A group of people who witnessed the whole scene, cheered for Gosling and shook their heads disapprovingly at Hunter, who finally seems to be revealing his true – and long suspected – intentions towards Brickwell.
Considering today is their first day on the set… Will this confrontation affect the flow of ‘Sins’? "


Colin and Aidan rushed into the emergency room, and seized the information desk.
“I’m looking for Laura Scranton, she was admitted recently. Do you know where I can find her?”
The young nurse stared back startled, noticing how both men seemed out of breath and wore expressions of concern on their faces “Are you a relative?”
Colin nodded still trying to catch his breath, as he looked around searchingly “I’m her husband”
“Oh, ok… give me a minute” she checked the screen in front of her “Scranton, Laura was it?” her eyes still fixed on the screen.
They both nodded
“Right… Dr. Lehninger is handling her case… let me page him” she typed on the computer hastefully “He’ll be here in a second”
As she had foretold, a middle aged doctor with a tired but kind expression on his face, rushed towards the front desk holding a few charts as he placed his pager back in his pocket.
He stretched out his hand “Are you Mr. McNamara?”
Colin nodded and shook it, staring at him inquisitively
“I’m Dr. Lehninger, I’m in charge of your wife” he breathed in and nodded “She’s stable now. You don’t need to worry” he turned to shake Aidan’s hand “Follow me this way, please”
“What happened?” They followed Dr. Lehninger down the long and busy hall
“She slashed her wrists. Luckily, your cleaning lady got there just in time to call 911”
Colin remembered Maria had asked him to switch to Sunday this week, it was her son’s birthday on Friday – the day she usually went – and she had prepared a surprise party for him. He wondered what a shock it must have been for her; finding Laura in a pool of blood, and recalled how only 5 months ago, he had been confronted with a similar situation.
Colin stared at Dr. Lehninger rubbing his mouth and chin in an effort to hide his evident distress. What had driven Laura to do this? How unhappy was she, and how could he not have foreseen this? Was her life beside him so unbearable? Had he neglected to see how much the miscarriage had affected her?
The truth was, Colin had been so busy with Ogham; he hadn’t really been paying attention to anything else. His bookstore was his only source of satisfaction and zest, and this had led him to seriously neglect everything else around him. Colin had noticed Laura somewhat distant and withdrawn, but figured she would go back to being her usual self as soon she landed a spot on a new show. He loved her, and couldn’t bear to think she lived in such pain and anguish. What would happen now? How could he leave her and go to work in constant fear of her attempts to hurt herself again? What if she finally succeeded?
“She’s under heavy medication now, so she won’t wake up for a few hours. You can go in if you want, just don’t expect any reaction to your being there” he gestured Colin into the room. Aidan and Dr. Lehninger stood waiting outside.


“Hey Brickwell, you're early!” Mark ran to greet her smiling.
Claire, holding a Starbucks’ cappuccino, waved at him and jumped to hug him affectionately. She had gotten used to seeing him everyday, and after three days of not even talking to him, Claire had to admit she had really missed him. At this point, Mark had become somewhat of father figure to her.
They walked along the busy four-block area; the studio had shut off for them. The building and shop facades had been slightly altered to fit the story. The place was packed with security, and hundreds of crew members hurried around getting things ready. She noticed a huge truck being brought in; from it sprung an intricate system of hoses. Of course, she thought, Colin and Eva’s scene in the rain! A feeling of excitement ran across her entire body. This was so much fun! Mark stopped and pointed at one of the elaborately transfigured facades. On it, a green sign with golden letters that read ‘Ogham’; beneath it, a series of grooved lines (Claire thought) were probably written following the ancient alphabet and (she guessed) meant exactly the same.

She looked at him and lifted her eyebrows “Wow… looks good! I like the colors. Very… Irish” she smiled. Mark winked at her, opened the door and stepped aside to let her in.
The room was exactly as she had pictured it. Mark had captured the essence of Colin’s bookstore all the way up to the smallest detail. It even smelled like she had imagined.
“This is the first storey. The scenes on the second storey will be shot in a studio downtown” he looked around making sure everything was in place
Claire slid her hand along the wooden desk, pausing to glance at the old cash machine. She then continued into the next room, finding it even more accurate.
“This is perfect, Mark. It’s exactly what I had in mind” she stared back at him in bewilderment
“Well, it wasn’t hard to know… considering you painstakingly described every single detail in your screenplay”
Claire smiled bashfully remembering how she had actually gone out of her way to describe each particular aspect of the scenery: colors to the nearest tone, background noises, subtle effects of lighting, textures, sizes, symmetries… even aromas.
“I didn’t leave you much choice, did I?” she sipped her coffee
He smiled at her and shook his head “No, you didn’t. Still I could have dismissed all of it to create my own and personal vision… However, Brickwell, the accurate portrayal of your vision appealed to me, and I chose to embrace it”
“Are you planning on shooting some of the Ogham scenes today?” Claire felt slightly embarrassed and wanted to change the subject.
He nodded “I know I said I wanted to follow the script… but this city is pretty hard to shut off, so I’m going to have to change my original plan”
She shrugged smiling “That’s fine with me… you can twist the story which ever way you like… it’s still very clear in my mind”
He laughed and patted her back, as he led her out into the street “I know that, Brickwell”
As she followed him across the busy set, she turned to look at him inquisitively “Cat mentioned the press might be here today”
Mark shook his head “I’ve asked them to cut us some slack today. It’s the first official shooting day, and I want to make sure everything runs smoothly before they barge into the set."
She nodded “I agree, it’s probably better if they stay away” and sighed, relieved.
He chuckled under his breath “They won’t stay away for long though… so be prepared”
Claire licked her lips and swallowed nervously.
Mark pointed at a woman standing a few feet away from them “Follow me… I want you to meet someone”
A woman in her late 50’s, short blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, slightly stout, brief in stature and with strikingly white teeth; stood examining a few pictures and used a marker to draw on them as she gesticulated wildly, trying to explain what she wante.
“Hey, Vera” Mark stopped to stand beside her “Are we interrupting something?”
Vera looked up, parting her attention from one of the dozens of pictures she was studying, and smiled “Not at all, Mark… what do you need?”
“I just wanted you to meet Claire Brickwell… the writer”
Claire smiled and shook her hand
“Vera is in charge of make up and costume… she’s absolutely incredible. You wouldn’t believe her ability to transform people. It’s actually uncanny”
Vera shook her head and patted Mark’s chest dismissing his flattery “Now Mark, I think I told you: no booze before 6 pm.”
Mark laughed and she smiled back at him.
She then looked at Claire “So you’re the one who made my life so complicated” she laughed “Your detailed descriptions have driven me mad this past month!”
Claire bit her lip bashfully “I’m sorry ... but they’re only suggestions you know... I mean, I bet you guys can probably come up with other ideas that are surely better than mine”
Vera grabbed her hands and smiled affectionately, there was something motherly about her, Claire thought. “Don’t worry my dear, I have added some personal touches of my own”
Claire smiled relieved.
She stretched out her arm placing her hand on her Claire’s chin, and turned her face both ways, examining it carefully. She paused for a moment and looked at Mark, lifting her eyebrows. Mark nodded at her knowingly
“What!” Claire glanced at Mark and then back at Vera “What is it with you two?” she rubbed under her nose “Oh… do I have something on my face?”
Mark laughed and Vera shook her head, still focusing on her “Have you ever thought about acting?”
Claire chuckled under her breath, she then paused to stare at Vera … “You’re serious about it!” her eyes opened wide.
Vera nodded smiling “There’s something about your face, the symmetry of your features…” she stepped back “… your poise”
Claire shook her head blushing, and pointed at them “Now both of you stop this right now! I mean it!”
Mark laughed and Vera shrugged sighing “Oh, well, can’t blame me for not trying” she looked at Mark regretfully and went back to examining the pictures she was holding. Mark gestured Claire to follow him. “Keener should be arriving any minute now…” he led her to a group of chairs a few feet away from Ogham’s entrance.
Claire sat, still browsing the scene, amazed by the amount of people rushing around, carrying props, placing lights and checking the sound system.
“You look excited Brickwell” Mark glanced at her as he gestured one of the member of the crew.
“This is fun! I’ve never been in a movie set before… It’s like a dream!”
“Well, after 10 days of this, you won’t feel the same way. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, though”
Claire caught a glimpse of Catherine as she got off a black limo and walked towards them.
“Cat's here” she jumped off her seat and rushed to meet her “Hey!”
Catherine smiled and they hugged affectionately “Hey, Allie!” she teased
Claire hit her playfully and smiled “Lay off me, Keener!” they walked towards Mark
“Are you ready to go in, Keener?” Mark leaned slightly and Cat kissed him on the cheek
“Sure” she smiled
“Go in where?” Claire stared at both of them inquisitively
Catherine lit a cigarette and breathed out “Hair and makeup”
“Right… how silly of me to ask”
“Ok, then…” Mark smiled “I’ll see you in a bit”
Catherine nodded and started walking towards one of the trailers… she paused to glance at Claire “You comin’?”
Claire nodded in excitement and rushed to catch up with her.

Chapter 73

His eyes moistened as he noticed the bloody gauzes around her wrists. Laura lay, pale and unconscious; surrounded by beeping monitors and countless infusion pumps. Colin sat beside her and grabbed her hand. A chill ran through his body as he felt it, cold and limp. She looked so fragile and weak. He lifted it and pressed it against his face, as if trying to pass on some of his warmth. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he brushed her arm and kissed her palm.
He thought about that night with Victoria, wondering if this was God’s way of punishing him. He believed whatever wrong people did, would eventually come back to haunt them; and although he still loved Laura, his soul belonged to Victoria (and there was a price to pay for that).
“I’m so sorry, Laura” he shook his head and wiped the tears off his face “Please stay with me… I need you.”
Nothing, not even a blink. It was as if she were dead. He brushed the hair off her face and gazed at her affectionately. She was still very beautiful; her face, like that of an angel.
He stood up and browsed through the room, finding a small blanket inside one of the cabinets. He took it and sat back beside her. Holding her hand again, he covered himself and waited…


“Hey Mark!” John sat beside him holding a bottle of Evian water
“Hunter… just the person I wanted to see” Mark turned to face him
“What’s up?” he swigged
“Have you read the paper today?” Mark took off his cap, breathed out and rubbed his hair tiresomely
“Nope… anything interesting?”
“Do you happen to know anything about last night’s events at the Sway Lounge?” he stared at the floor
“Oh… that? Yeah, well… Gosling got a bit carried away… that’s all.”
“Hmmm… well, it sounded like much more than that”
“He just thought I was coming on to Brickwell” John sat back to examine the set
“And were you?” he fixed his eyes on John’s
John nodded, shrugged and smiled sheepishly.
“Does it have to be her, Hunter? Can’t you go for someone else… at least until we finish shooting?” he played around with his cap
“Mark… you know I am the last person who would want to jeopardize this film.” He looked straight ahead “But, if you must know, I’m crazy about her”
Mark sighed “Can’t you just let this one get away?”
John shook his head “I can lay off for a while… if that’s what you’re asking. Now, giving up on her entirely is not something I’m prepared to do. You know me Mark”
He nodded “I do… and it is because I know you, that I need to ask you leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve another heartbreak”
John stared at Mark fixing his eyes on his – he had never seen such a serious expression on John’s face before – “I would never do that to her … I want her, Mark… this is no game.”
Mark rubbed his face with both hands as he shook his head and sighed. He then put his cap back on, stood up and walked away.


“So, is everything ok between you and Ryan?” Cat looked at Claire across her reflection on the mirror
Claire nodded smiling “Yes, we’ve worked it out” she played around with a few brushes that spread across the dressing room table.
Alyssa, one of the makeup assistants, (a petite redhead with slightly oversized breast implants); stood beside her brushing and styling Cat’s hair with a curling iron.
“I’m glad… it would be a shame if you hadn’t. It was all very innocent” Cat picked up a magazine and began to browse through it lightly.
Claire walked around the trailer “Well, there’s nothing going on between John and I… so, he really shouldn’t worry”
Alyssa turned to stare at Claire “Are you girls talking about John Hunter? John Hunter the executive producer?”
They both nodded
“He’s McSteamy and McDreamy rolled together into one!”
They laughed at her Grey’s Anatomy allusion
She went on “I could only dream of going out on a date with him! He’s very… picky, though... only dates famous actresses and models” she turned the blow-dryer on
“Quite the player, right?” Claire yelled on top of the loud noise
“Yeah…” she nodded; then paused, and turned the dryer off “They say he did have one long and serious relationship, though… a few years ago. He was just starting out on the business” She continued to brush Cat’s hair “An actress. She left him, for… her co-star, I think it was… he never got over that… gave up on the whole commitment thing and stuck to shallow relationships. Breaks my heart really, the say he was very much in love with her”
Claire stared at Alyssa in disbelief, John had never mentioned any of that to her. Was his ruthless behavior relationship wise, a product of some woman’s deceit? Had he lost the ability to trust women? These whirlwind romances he was famous for, were they really just an excuse to protect himself from another heartbreak? She felt sorry for him.
Who was the actress? … And the co-star? For a moment Claire wished she knew something... anything about Hollywood couples… it was all too intriguing.



Colin sat in Dr. Lehninger’s office. A week had passed since Laura’s failed attempt.
“When do you think I will be able to take her home, Doctor?”
Dr. Lehninger sighed and leaned forward, placing both elbows on the desk. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Colin”
Colin stared back inquisitively “Do you think she still needs medical care? I can hire a nurse to watch her at home if you want”
Dr. Lehninger shook his head and gazed at Colin, an expression of regret on his face. “Laura has been evaluated by Dr. Kaplan, our attending psychiatrist…”
Colin nodded, waiting for him to go on.
“Dr. Kaplan believes your wife should be kept on close watch”
“Meaning?”
“She needs special care, Colin”
“You mean… have her committed?” this was too much for him to even consider
“Look… so far all we know is that she still holds – and I’m sorry for putting it so bluntly – a strong desire to end her life. We can’t have her doing something like this again… do you understand what I’m saying?”
Colin covered his mouth in shock and nodded.
“I don’t know how long it will take to get her back on track. Get her to appreciate life…” He breathed in “ Dr. Kaplan supervises an excellent medical center that handles cases like these regularly. I believe it is our best shot”


Vera walked in to inspect Alyssa’s progress. “How are we doing here?”
“I’m almost finished with the hair. Would you like me to do her makeup or would you rather do it yourself?” Alyssa spread some mousse on Cat’s hair
“Well.. Gosling’s just arrived, so I might as well give you hand. You can go do him now”
Alyssa picked up the brushes and blow-dryer and walked outside. Claire followed her “I’ll go say hi to Ryan… I’ll see you in a bit” she smiled and waved at Cat.
As Claire walked out of the trailer, she caught a glimpse of Ryan. Before she could even take a step in his direction, John ran to talk to him. From a distance it looked as if John was apologizing, as Ryan nodded reluctantly. Almost instantly, they shook hands and John walked away.

Claire paused for a minute, and sprinted towards him “Hey, Gosling!” she waved.
Ryan turned to look and smiled. “Hey Brickwell, how’s it going? Are you having fun?”
She kissed him and nodded smiling “You have no idea!”
He brushed her arm smiling “I’m glad" he gazed at her "I really need to get ready now” pointing at a second trailer, next to the one Cat was in.
“Sure… go ahead… I'm actually waiting for you guys to start!”
He laughed and kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her body against him.
Claire pushed him off “Go already!”
He walked towards the trailer, as Alyssa stood in front of it, waving.
Claire sighed and decided to look for Mark (and maybe score some coffee in the process). She wandered along the busy set, stopping and turning frequently to allow for the crew members to walk across her carrying props and yelling “Sorry” “Excuse me, please” “Coming through”. At some point she completely lost her bearings. She browsed across the scene, searching for Mark. While doing so, she caught a glimpse of the Kraft Service table and rushed towards it.
“Need caffeine, Brickwell?”
Claire was startled by a familiar voice. She turned to find John smiling at her. He stepped up to the table and poured some coffee on a paper cup, handing it to her.
She took it, and sipped smiling. “I really needed that, thanks!”
“Did you and Cat get home ok, last night?”
She nodded and lifted her arm to brush his face slightly “How’s your face?” she noticed it was only mildly swollen. (You’d actually have to know he had been in a fight to be able to tell the difference).
“It’s fine. The ice was just the ticket” He grabbed her hand and she pulled away quickly.
He shook his head and smiled “Claire, I’m not a monster, you know?”
She looked back at him and smiled bashfully “I know… it’s just that… I don’t want another silly fight about this… nonsense”
He licked his lips “Have you thought about Zach’s presentation this evening?” he wanted to change the subject; he was obviously getting nowhere.
She bit her lip and nodded “Yeah”
“So? Are you planning on going?” he poured another cup of coffee for himself
“Can I trust you to be quiet about this, John?”
He slid his hand across his lips, pretending to seal them.
“I’m gonna go”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“No” she sighed “Not at all. But I guess it’s just something I will have to face… and I figure, the sooner I get it over and done with… the better"
He nodded “Do you want me to go with you?”
She shook her head “I really need to do this on my own”
“Ok” he looked concerned “Is there anything I can do to help?”
She laughed and sighed “If you could find a way for me to be there, without actually being there… that would be perfect”
He looked at her and paused. In a split second, he grabbed her hand and led her towards Cat’s trailer.

Chapter 74

“Do you know Seamus?” Colin looked somewhat surprised
Eva nodded, smiling “I attended some of his lectures as a student. He’s a very talented man”
“Yeah… That’s Seamus, alright. One of a kind” he grinned and shook his head.
Eva gazed at him for a moment “I think I can see a slight resemblance between you two”
Colin picked up his glass and just before drinking… “Slight being the operative word”
She placed her cigarette on an ashtray “You two don’t get along?”
Colin shrugged “It’s not about getting along with Seamus… it’s about living up to his expectations” he set the glass back down.
“I’m sure he’s proud of what you have accomplished” she smiled affectionately
Colin shook his head “Seamus couldn’t care less about my unprofitable and picturesque bookstore… I guess he just had other plans for me”
She nodded
He sat facing her “You see, he had this crazy idea that I was going to continue his legacy. Steer his giant vessel into the open sea, so to speak’
“But you have other interests” she took the cigarette
He nodded and bit his lip “I know I should be grateful, and I am… but MC&M was never for me. I worked there for a couple of years… I tried; but that place just brings out the worst in people, you know? It’s as if, the moment you step into one of its colossal hallways, a seed is planted in you” Colin spoke in a trance “… gradually and inevitably it grows inside you, feeding on your principles, nurturing on your morals, indulging on your beliefs… MC&M is a voracious and senseless monster!” he paused and looked away bashfully “I’m sorry about that. You must think I’m a lunatic”
She shook her head “Not at all. It actually makes perfect sense to me”
“It does?” he looked back at her intrigued
She nodded “Look, Colin I don’t really know you… but so far you have struck me as an intelligent and sensitive man. So what if hardcore business is not for you? What if you believe being true to yourself is more important than living a life of grandeur and success? I think it’s remarkable and I admire you for it”
He grinned slightly and breathed out “I wish Seamus would think that way too. Still, he’s the one person I know, who has been able to remain true to himself while thriving in that heartless environment. My father...” he paused realizing how much pain he felt when he uttered that word “is impeccable. He is the embodiment of flawless accomplishment. Has never hesitated or backed down an inch. He has led and continues to lead a life of consummate success and perfection.”

Eva gazed at him in amazement. Colin viewed his father just as she had, almost 20 years ago. Of course, all these years they had been together, had taught her that this ideal vision of him couldn’t be further away from the truth. Behind that impervious façade stood a man with countless weaknesses and insecurities. A man who needed constant reassurance and permission; living a life of relentless regret and sorrow, and desperately longing to be loved and looked after.
Colin leaned forward, picking up his glass once more “And that's what makes it all so painful. The fact that he has done everything right… and I have let him down” in a single motion he finished his drink and looked away in an effort to hide his moistening eyes.


Claire got to her apartment around 5 pm. She had managed to slip out unnoticed just after Mark and the rest of the cast were checking out the ‘dailies’. Ryan was planning on rehearsing a few scenes with Bob after that, and she figured they would go out for drinks afterwards… so, basically, she was on the clear.
She checked her watch once more, tossed her stuff on top of the bed and rushed into the shower.
She walked out just in time to hear the doorbell ring. She then ran to the door and opened it. Vera stood smiling as she held a huge suitcase.
Claire stepped aside “Please, do come in. I really don’t know how to thank you Vera”
“Don’t thank me just yet. Besides, I owe John a few favors… I could never say no to him” she walked towards the living room, setting the heavy suitcase on the floor next to the couch
“Can I offer you something to drink?”
Vera shook her head and checked her watch “At what time do you have to be there?”
“Around seven” Claire fixed her robe
“Then I suggest we get started… I might have to try different combinations. It won’t be easy, considering he knows you really well, and you’ll probably be sitting a short distance from him”
Claire nodded “You’re right… I hadn’t thought about that”
Vera looked around “Would you like to do it here?”
“I don’t know… wherever you feel comfortable. Would you prefer the bathroom?”
Vera nodded and lifting her suitcase once again said “Lead the way”.


Their honeymoon was cut short a week. Patrick had too much work and taking a whole month off was an act of irresponsibility – at least that’s what he had told her-. The truth was Patrick was bored. Victoria had chosen a romantic getaway in a small village near Florence. There was nothing much for them to do than be together.
Now, three weeks of this had been more than enough for him, he needed to get back to his life, and to the things he enjoyed doing. (Although most of them required some sort of female presence, they did not necessarily include Victoria.)
They walked into their new apartment. Most of the rooms still packed with countless boxes and gifts from the wedding.
It had been a titanic event. Patricia had invited the most influential families in town, together with senators and other well known politicians (Even the Major was there!). Of course, Victoria was not looking for such a monstrous celebration; for her, an intimate gathering with her loved ones would have been more than enough. Still, she understood Patricia needed this, and obligingly gave in to her elaborate vision.
Patrick kissed Victoria on her forehead affectionately “I need to get going, baby. The guys are waiting for me at the office”
Victoria nodded smiling as she watched him rush out the door. She then turned to stare at the endless piles of boxes and bags; sighed, and began to empty them one by one.


“Is everything ok, Zach? You look nervous” Marcus checked himself in the mirror and fixed his tie
Zach shook his head and stood up “I’m fine” he walked around the room, pausing suddenly to glance at Marcus “You did send her the book, right?”
Marcus nodded and combed his eyebrows with his fingers
“With the card I gave you…”
“Yes, Wilder… relax.”
”Good” He took another step and paused once more “How do we know if she got it?”
Marcus grinned and shook his head “Wilder, don’t you know me by now? Have I ever been even slightly incompetent in my work?”
Zach bit his lip while shaking his head “No… not once”
Marcus sighed and walked towards him “Look, it’s all up to her now. If she wants to come, she will. It’s not as if you haven’t tried”
Zach sighed and sat back on the couch
Marcus sat across from him “What is it Wilder? I’ve honestly never seen you like this before!”
“I run into her last Friday… in the New York Public Library”
Marcus laughed “Really?… so Morris was right! That guy is really something! He always manages to know what’s happening in every single corner of this city. How he accomplishes that, is definitely beyond me”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about" he paused; an expression of concern on his face "… but I know she recognized me”
Marcus gazed back; waiting
“She ran off into the street… as if I was some kind of Boo Radley…” he rubbed his chin
“Well… just picture yourself as Atticus, today” he smiled
Zach was not amused; he feared this was probably his last chance to win her back. If she could at least listen to him, let him explain, describe what he felt for her; what he had learned these past 3 years… Let him tell her what a fool he had been. If she would agree to go out for dinner, a drink, coffee… whatever. If they could only be alone and together in the same room for an hour… that was all he needed.
He could still recall how beautiful she looked, as she had stared back at him in bewilderment, only a few days ago. His heart had stopped at the sight of her. Zach ran almost 5 blocks in search of the auburn trail of her hair… (She was nowhere to be found).
That same day, he had walked back home and drank himself into a stupor; wallowing in his misery and wishing he could turn back time.
He had been looking forward to this day for the past 5 months, just as he had finished the first draft of his novel. Bill had asked him to stay away… and he did… for a while. Eventually it had become impossible, if he could only hear her voice… and that’s when he started calling her apartment. Surprisingly, he had gotten her answering machine a thousand times during an entire month… Had she moved? Had she changed her number? Bill had cleared that thought from his mind, explaining she was taking a few weeks off, to relax and recharge her batteries in LA. She still lived in the same apartment they had shared 3 years ago…
Zach had struggled with his desire to drop by her front door for the past week; ever since he had landed in New York. But he knew Claire, and considered it was not the wise thing to do. He had worked too hard for this. He was not about to blow everything off on a whim, on a heated impulse.
His novel had actually been more successful than he had expected. Zach believed this to be somewhat of a presage of the events to come.


At exactly 6:45 pm, two cars parked in front of Claire’s building. (John had sent them). One would drive Vera home; the other had been given precise instructions: drive to the Met, wait for as long as it had to, and get Claire back home safely.


Chapter 75

They had met at one of those Hollywood parties. Of course, he wasn’t even remotely associated to the industry back then. He had just finished college and was starting to consider his future options. Graduate education had always been an important goal in his life; but taking a year off to think about what to do next, he thought, was a healthy choice. He had saved enough money to support himself for an entire year without working. Regardless, he still chose to write a few articles and review a couple of novels during his sabbatical.
Sean, his childhood friend and partner in crime, had moved to LA a few years ago; looking to pursue a career in film making. Sean descended from one of the wealthiest families in New York, and had always been interested in directing or producing movies. His family did not approve of this; still, they agreed to sponsor him throughout his wild ventures.

LA and Sean hit it off immediately. His good looks and irresistible charm had allowed him to become acquainted with some of the big names in the industry, and although he hadn’t done any real producing so far, he was constantly invited to mingle nonchalantly amongst all kinds of celebrities.
It was the end of spring. The city was beginning to resemble a giant steaming pot, and John felt he had to get out as soon as possible. Sean had insisted he come down to visit, ever since he learned about his ‘year of leisure’ resolution; and although John had been reluctant to do so for some time; he now thought this was the perfect moment to skip Manhattan, and enjoy the Pacific Ocean beaches.
As they hugged affectionately at the arrivals sector of LAX, John smiled, noticing his friend had not changed a bit. He still maintained his reckless style, slightly improved by a nice, healthy tan and better taste in clothes. Resolute on showing him a good time, Sean dragged John into one of his exclusive parties that same night.
As he walked along the edge of the monumental pool, nursing his rum and coke; and wondering what his next step in life should be; he caught a glimpse of her.



Claire took a deep breath and stepped out of the car as the driver opened the door for her. She smiled at him and turned to look at the giant staircase ahead. Above it, the impressive façade of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She hesitated for a second, gradually realizing what she had gotten herself into; finally, she took the first step towards the stairs.
She browsed the entrance hall in search of the restrooms and rushed towards them. Slightly out of breath, she checked her reflection in the mirror. Vera had done a remarkable job! She could hardly recognize herself beneath the dark wig, the contact lenses and the prosthetics. Just a slight alteration to her nose and to the expression on her eyes... and she was a completely different person! She turned to examine her face again, trying to find herself. Of course her smile was the same, and her body hadn’t changed… but the rest seemed to belong to someone else.
She washed her hands, opened her purse and took Zach's card from one of its inside pockets. She sighed and walked back into the hall.

Claire noticed a group of people murmuring as they walked into one of the rooms on the northern side of the building. She caught a glimpse of one of the poster’s advertising Zach’s ‘Modern Wild Tragedies’ and hurried to mingle with the crowd. As she walked into the room; she accidentally brushed against one of the countless reporters, dropping Zach’s card unknowingly. She recognized Bill, sitting on the front row, next to Marcus and Stuart (Marcus’ long time partner). She moved along, keeping her head as low as possible, searching for Zach. Finally, she found him as he lifted his head from where he was sitting, next to Stuart; stood up, and murmured something into Marcus’ ear. He turned and scanned the room carefully, pausing to stare at every single person that walked in. A few minutes later, he got to her – Claire’s heart stopped – after lingering for a while, he shook his head in disappointment, and continued to examine the oncoming guests.
She sat on the fourth row, slightly to the right. The room was packed. Half of the Random House staff and executives were there… Claire felt how her heart rate had now settled for a constant gallop. She casually rubbed her sweaty palms against her skirt and clenched her fists to hide the relentless trembling of her hands. After Marcus introduced Zach, they dimmed the lights, and he walked towards the slightly elevated podium ahead, just as a copy of ‘her Rothko’ descended from the ceiling.
She stared at the image in front her in amazement… “Oh!” and covered her mouth suddenly, hoping no one had noticed her sudden outburst.


John typed busily on his blackberry. He had abided by Claire’s wishes to stay away from the scene, but had still sent one of his spies to report back to him. Vera had taken a few pictures of Claire after the makeover and had forwarded them to him; following his instructions. He had to admit she had done a great job; if it weren’t for the pictures, he would have never been able to let his employee know what she looked like. So far, everything seemed to be running smoothly, Zach was reading a few passages from his novel while the rest of the audience listened attentively. Claire was sitting on the fourth row, a few seats away from her 'observer'. She looked slightly upset, but had managed to maintain her composure.
John breathed in, glanced at his watch anxiously and waited.

Ryan and Bob finished off quite early. Mark asked them over for a drink at his hotel. They both agreed.
“I’ll join you, but just for one drink” Ryan pointed out as he walked out of the set with them “I’m kind of beat and tomorrow’s schedule won't be any lighter”
Mark laughed and patted his back “That’s why a chose you, Gosling… you’ve always struck me as remarkably responsible for your young age” Ryan smiled and scanned the scene for Claire before getting into the car. Oh well, he thought, she’s probably home working on the script again. He might as well hurry back; they had hardly spent any time together that day.



“Mr. Wilder, I’m Hugh Larabee, from the Reader’s Digest… Is it true that your novel is based on real life events?”
Zach covered his eyes, slightly protecting them from the light, and looked searchingly among the crowd
“Right here, Mr Wilder” a man on the second row lifted his hand
“Hi there, Mr. Larabee” he smiled “Yes, as a matter of fact everything I have depicted in my novel is true.”
“Mr. Wilder!”
He turned to glance at another end of the room “Yes?”
“Hi, Brendan Collins from the New York Tribune. I want to seize this opportunity to express my heartfelt admiration for your work. You have accomplished the unthinkable; you have succeeded where my wife has reluctantly failed. You have made me read a romantic novel”
The audience broke into wild laughter.
“Thank you Mr. Collins, I appreciate your honest compliment. And your question is…?
“Yes, is this novel by any chance autobiographical?”
Zach paused. Claire turned to stare at him
He breathed in and nodded “Indeed it is”
A faint murmur arose from the crowd.
Zach went on “I am Clive, and everything he has experienced, believed in, thought, suffered and mourned about in this book… I have too.”
Later a few questions arose concerning his style and his cunning choice of certain literary resources used throughout the novel. He was praised for his sarcastic comments on writers, and for his honest and perceptive appraisal of modern day relationships. Zach, as usual, was quick and brilliant in his rebuttals , quoting innumerable other writers to prove his points.
Claire checked the time and sighed relieved, thinking the evening would soon be over. Finally, a familiar face stood up and lifted his hand to speak
Marcus who was now standing beside Zach, pointed at him “Last question, please”
Zach glanced at him and smiled “Yes?”
“Hello, Mr. Wilder, my name is Richard Morris, I write for the New York Times…”
Claire sat almost paralyzed. She turned her head slightly to inspect him further; he was only two seats away from her!
“Good evening Mr. Morris… I’m listening”
“I really would like to ask you two questions if I may” Morris cleared his throat.
“Shoot” Zach grinned
“First: is the female character in your novel, Claire Brickwell? The writer and with whom you have shared a romantic relationship in the past?” Morris as if sensing Claire’s intense gaze, turned to glance at her. Their eyes met momentarily. He frowned, and she instantly turned to look ahead. “Second: After three successful years in Paris, what are the real motives for your return to Manhattan?”
Zach laughed “I see now Mr. Morris why your reputation has preceded you.”
Morris smiled smugly
He went on “The answer to your first question is easy: yes... I have based the female character in my book on Claire Brickwell, the talented and beautiful young writer” he paused and sighed “As for your second question… I wish Ms. Brickwell was here to this evening so that she could hear this too… " he paused and sighed, shaking his head "I have returned to New York drawn by the thought of her. I have returned in a desperate attempt to mend the pieces, I foolishly tore. I have returned, to claim what was once mine” Finally, as if driven by some sudden determination… “I have come to get her back”
Claire gasped at his public confession. Zach waved smiling, and walked out as the crowd cheered wildly.


Chapter 76

There was something about her smile, the way she seemed to laugh with her whole body. He knew she was a famous actress; he had actually seen a few of her movies. John was not the kind of person who could ever become star struck. The truth was he held a slight contempt for Hollywood and everything it represented. And although he did enjoy a good action flick every once in a while, he had never really understood modern cinema, and found it shallow and pointless; devoid of any real soul.
He did not consider her to be a great performer. He could hardly picture her as Hamlet’s Ophelia or playing Laura Wingfield’s character in Tennessee William’s ‘Glass Menagerie’.
Still, as John gazed at her, he couldn’t help smiling. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Three men surrounded her, taking turns to dazzle her with hilarious anecdotes, as she laughed wildly almost spilling her drink.
He felt hopelessly drawn to her; standing a few feet away, contemplating her petite figure. Every so often, the loose dress she wore, adapted to her body, revealing her subtle curves. He sipped his drink, completely intoxicated by her heavenly presence.
“So, how do you like it so far?” Sean patted his friend’s shoulder
John, slightly startled, smiled at him and nodded; instantly turning back to gaze at her.
Sean eyed his friend suspiciously, and turned to look in the same direction. He laughed, lit a cigarette (he had cleverly stuck behind his ear), and breathed out “Forget about her, man. She’s a praying mantis”
John turned to look at him “A praying mantis?”
Sean nodded and took another drag “Yeah… you know, those weird looking insects that feed on the male after they’ve mated”
“Oh… right” he smiled and looked back at her “Is she?”
“Look, I’m not saying this from personal experience - she would never give me the time of day - but I know, from a couple of guys she’s dated.” He paused to gaze at her “She’s heartless.”
John sipped his drink, a slight rush traveled along his body: finally, a challenge “Maybe she hasn’t met the right guy”
Sean laughed “Maybe… I couldn’t say. Still, I’d be very careful; unless you want to end up being another notch in her bedpost”
“Hmm… that bad!” he sipped again, his eyes fixed on her “I’ll have to watch my step then”
Sean nodded “Yeah… Come, I want you to meet someone” he put his arm around John’s neck and led him towards the house.




He sat on one of the front row seats, holding his head between his arms.
Marcus stared at him in silence. He felt sorry for him. Zach had been looking forward to this evening for months; secretly hoping he would get to harvest some of what he had painstakingly grown for an entire year.
Zach rubbed his eyes and looked up at him. Marcus had never seen him look so sad, so desolate.
“She didn’t come”
Marcus stared at him and shook his head regretfully. “Maybe she couldn’t make it” he shrugged
Zach nodded and breathed out “Yep”. It was as if all the energy and anticipation he had built up these past few days, had been suddenly sucked away from him. He was exhausted; and hurt. All he could think about was getting into bed and sleeping for the rest of the month.
“Look Zach, don’t jump into conclusions just yet… It ain’t over till the fat lady sings, right?” Marcus nudged him, in a desperate effort to cheer him up.
Zach nodded, his eyes fixed on the Rothko painting that hang a few feet away from him. He got up “Who am I kidding, Marcus… it’s over, she doesn’t want to see me. There’s no second chance for us”
“C’mon man, that’s not true.” He stood up and walked towards him “This is just the beginning; you still have other ways of getting to her. A simple no-show has never been an obstacle for you in the past”
“You don’t get it Marcus… this is not about what I can do… this is about what she wants. And it’s not me” he stepped closer to the painting, leaning to examine each stroke. “Maybe Bill was right, maybe she is over me… maybe she’s found someone else”
Marcus pressed his lips together. Should he tell him about Morris’ New York Times Chronicles? Hadn’t Zach ever come across any of his articles describing her new relationship with Ryan Gosling? He decided against it; he was not about to beat up a fallen man. He sighed “You just don’t throw away three years of your life like that, Zach. I’m sure she still has feelings for you”
Zach shook his head and smiled, his face inches away from the giant canvas “I threw away three years of my life, remember? When I ran off with Sophie? How could I have been so blind? I really fucked up this time Marcus” he felt his eyes begin to moisten.
“Why don’t you go home, take a hot shower and get some sleep. You look beat, and we have a meeting with the people from Borders tomorrow, remember?”
Zach nodded and stepped away from the painting. “You go ahead… I’ll be out of here in no time”
Marcus hesitated for a moment, but understanding Zach needed to be alone, waved lightly and walked out of the room.
Zach stood motionless for a while; his gaze fixed on the painting as memories flooded his mind. Finally, he turned and walked towards the exit. As he did so, a small blue card lying on the floor, caught his attention. He picked it up, inspecting it. Realizing what it was, he gasped in sudden shock.



Claire dialed his number in a hurry as she rushed down the stairs, hoping he would be home and alone.
“Claire?”
“Yeah! Hey, John!” she sighed relieved
“How did it go?”
“It was ok… listen… I’m running late and Ryan’s probably on his way to my apartment after picking up George at the airport” she checked her watch and smiled at the driver as he opened the door for her.
“What can I do for you?”
She slid inside the car, took off the wig placing it on her lap, and fixed her hair, brushing it with her fingers. “Can I come over to your place? I need to remove all this stuff Vera’s put on my face”
“Yeah! C’mon over”
“Are you sure it’s ok, John? I really didn’t know who to turn to, and you’re the only other person – apart from Vera – who knows about this whole thing”
“Claire, I’m positive… Do you know the address?”
Claire shook her head “No. You’re on the Upper East Side, right?
”Put the driver on the phone, I’ll give him the directions”
“Ok” Claire tapped on his shoulder and handed him the phone “He wants to talk to you”

She got off at Lexington Ave. and 71st. Claire loved this part of Manhattan, but could never afford to live here. She rushed into the majestic building, stopping at the front desk “Hi… I’m here to see John Hunter”
The man nodded smiling “Ms. Brickwell, right?”
She nodded.
“He’s expecting you. Through those elevators to your left, all the way up to the 25th. floor, madam”
She smiled “Thanks” and rushed into one of them.

John stood waiting for her at the threshold, dressed casually in jeans and a shirt, and wearing a huge smile on his face.
“Wow! You do look different!” he lifted his eyebrows in feigned amazement
She smiled bashfully, kissed him on the cheek and followed him inside.
John had a beautiful apartment. The living room boasted exclusive modern furniture and everything looked brand new. He pointed to the right “The bathroom’s that way”
She nodded and walked towards it
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
“A coke would be great!” she yelled as she examined her reflection on the mirror


Zach sat in his newly acquired East Village Loft, and stared at the card intensely. Think, Wilder, think! He began to recall the faces of the people he had seen that evening. He knew there had been something there… but couldn’t quite remember who or when. There had been more than a few women at his presentation, and yet… he knew one of them had struck him as oddly familiar. Could Claire have been there under some sort of disguise? He was sure he hadn’t seen her. He could've never missed her; he knew every single corner of her body. He could even draw her, out of memory alone.
If such was the case; if Claire had indeed attended his presentation in disguise... What did that mean? Did it really change things? He wanted to believe it did…
Had she heard him talk about his motives for coming back to Manhattan? Had she read his novel? If she had showed up – the card was irrefutable proof of it – has it been out of mere curiosity, or was there something else?
He shivered at the thought of her sitting a few feet away from him for an entire evening. He got up, placed the card on the refrigerator door, holding it with one of the magnets, and walked out of the apartment. He was too anxious to sleep.

Chapter 77

Claire walked into the living room smiling, glad to be herself again, after washing her face and removing her make up, contact lenses and prosthetics.
“Over here!” John yelled from the kitchen
Claire found him, standing next to the counter, fixing an elaborate turkey sandwich. She kicked off her shoes and jumped to sit next to him on the counter.
“Hmmm…” she smiled “Looks delicious!” She pointed at a diet coke can. “Is that for me?”
John nodded, opened the can and poured some into a glass. Claire drank almost half of it in one go.
“So, Brickwell… are you gonna tell me about it?” he continued to work on her sandwich
“Nothing much to tell, really…” she lied “Just your average book presentation”
John knew better “You’re full of shit and you know it Brickwell…" he pointed at her with a slice of bread.
She smiled bashfully “Ok...not your average book presentation… I’ll give you that” she sipped more coke.
He picked up his glass and drank “Don’t worry; I’m not going to force it out of you. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine” He gazed at her “I’m just glad you were able to pull through”
Claire licked her lips and nodded. Suddenly, she heard her cell phone ringing in the next room (where she had left her purse). She jumped off the counter and ran off to get it. It was Ryan.
“Hey, Gosling” she tried to sound casual
“Hey… I’m on my way back home. Where are you?”
Claire heard what seemed to be the sound of heavy breathing
“I’m at…” she hesitated for a moment “Karen’s, my friend from Columbia. We’re catching up on things” Claire was amazed at how she seemed to be developing a despicable ability to lie “How did it go with Bob?… Is George there with you?”
“Everything went fine, and yeah… I just picked him up”
“Oh… great!”
“Yeah… listen, I’m dropping him at your apartment and returning the SUV… are you planning on coming home any time soon?”
“Why? Do you need help?”
“No… not at all… you go ahead and hang out with Karen, George and I will be waiting for you”
Claire smiled, recalling the day they had met in that desolate beach in California. She felt bad for having lied to Ryan about the evening’s events, but honestly believed it was the best way to go. This was a part of her life she didn’t want Ryan to get involved in. It would only cause him unnecessary pain and worry.
“Ok, I’ll see you in a bit then…” she paused “Ryan?”
“Yup?”
“Thanks”
“What are you thanking me for?”
“For being so understanding. I don’t deserve you”
He smiled “You’re crazy, Brickwell… but I’m still nuts about you”



It was getting dark and half of the guests had already left. He wandered back out into the garden, browsing the scene in search of her. Finally, he found her, standing alone, staring into the distance; her brown silky hair, waving in the soft breeze.
He walked towards her nonchalantly, and paused to stare in the same direction. The house stood on a hill, and from this spot you could see the entire city. It was quite a sight. She turned to look at him and smiled. He smiled back, his eyes fixed on hers. A few seconds later they both turned to gaze back into the countless white sparks that lit the city beneath.

“It’s beautiful, don‘t you think?” she almost whispered
John nodded “Yeah… stunning” he turned and stretched out his hand “I’m John Hunter, by the way, and I’m not even remotely related to the business”
She smiled and stretched her hand… before she could speak, he interrupted her “I know who you are. It’s really nice to meet you” he smiled and turned back to appreciate the view.
She paused to gaze at him. There was something about this man that caught her attention. He seemed relaxed, confident, aloof to all the glamour and glitter of Hollywood. Even as he had mentioned that he knew her, he had said it so naturally, as if she were someone’s cousin or best friend. ‘Yeah… I know who you are… you’re so and so’s nephew’. She breathed in and turned back to the view.
“So, 'John who’s not even remotely related to the business'; what are you related to?”
He smiled “I wish I knew. Right now, to nothing much really”
“And why is that?”
“I’m taking a year off to figure out what to do next”
“What have you been doing until now?”
“College”
“Here?”
He shook his head “New York”
She nodded “I see… “
He paused. The music began to play louder, as the remaining crowd walked out into the garden. He turned to look at her “Do you want to get out of here?”
She gazed at him for a moment, hesitating. Finally, after noticing the oncoming crowd, she nodded smiling.

They picked a small bar in the outskirts of the city. Nothing too fancy. A simple bar, with an average bartender, who spent half of the night sneering at the regular drunk who (John guessed), probably passed out daily on one of the tables.
They ordered a couple of beers and sat to enjoy the country music that sprung from the jukebox incessantly.
“I’ve never been here before” she looked around as she swigged
“Me neither… looks… clean, though” he smiled as he pushed a couple of dead fly carcasses with the menu onto the floor
She laughed
“Do you live here?” he set the menu back down
“No… I’m living in Austin, Texas right now. I bought a ranch there, a couple of years ago”
“That’s nice… I’ve never been there myself, but I’ve heard it’s beautiful”
She nodded
“Are you shooting?”
“No… not really. I’m promoting one of my films. An activity which can be as, or more exhausting than shooting” she sipped more beer
John paused to gaze at her as he nodded and drank from his. He was amazed at her friendly and laid back manner. It felt as if she wasn’t a celebrity at all. Still, her beauty was breathtaking, and as he contemplated her, he understood why people loved to watch her on the big screen.
“The good thing is...” she went on “... we’ll be taking a break in a couple of days. I seriously need some time off”
“Are you planning on heading back home?”
She set the bottle back on the table and shrugged casually “I don’t know… haven’t really thought about it yet.” She stared at him “What about you?”
John laughed “I wouldn’t dream of going back… Manhattan is unbearably hot right now.”
She smiled and nodded

It was late and they were both exhausted. After hours of, what he thought had been, great conversation, John drove her back to her place (she was staying at a friend’s house in the valley).
She bent to grab her purse as he killed the engine. “So, Hunter” she smiled at him “It’s been honestly quiet refreshing to meet you. I really hope you can figure out what to do next. Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll be brilliant at it” she caught herself gazing at his toned arms and perfect hands. Embarrassed, she blushed lightly and turned to open the door.
John grabbed her arm gently “Listen, I know this probably sounds ridiculous but, I’ve been thinking about it ever since I first laid eyes on you. The thing is...I find you irresistible. I know we hardly know each other, but I also sense you’re not indifferent towards me.” He breathed in “So… I think, after you finish with your whole promoting gig, you and I should get on a plane and head for some remote location” He let go of her arm and waited, his eyes fixed on hers, guessing.
She stared at him stunned... The nerve! she thought
Finally, surprised as she realized she felt the same way, and wondering how he had accomplished this; she shook her head and smiled “Ok… But I get to choose where”



“Is everything ok?” John wiped a few crumbs off the counter
Claire nodded “Yeah… I should get going, John”
“Right; after I have gone out of my way to fix you a sandwich! Brickwell, you’re hurting my feelings”
She stood across from him smiling. He relished at the sight of her: standing in his kitchen; bare feet, in a miniskirt and a fitted shirt.
“Seriously, though. I could get permanently scarred from this, you know. I might even need years of intensive therapy"
Claire laughed and ran to grab the sandwich, taking a huge bite. She rushed to chew and swallow “There, Hunter! Are you happy? Will you be able to survive now?”
He smiled “Only if you finish it”
She sighed, jumped to sit back on the counter and began to eat slowly; taking the time to enjoy it. (Either Claire was very hungry or this was honestly the best turkey sandwich she’d ever had!). John sipped his coke and smiled at her as she chewed happily “This is really good, John… very tasty.” She finished the last piece and drank some coke “Is there anything you’re not great at?”
He laughed.
“No… really. I mean, you seem to excel at everything. It’s kind of annoying, you know?
He stepped closer to where she was sitting and placed his arms on the counter, a few inches away from each one of her thighs “There are many things I completely suck at”
She eyed him suspiciously “Name one”
“Uhm…” he laughed “I can’t think of one now… but give me time, I have a whole list of them”
She smiled and patted him on the shoulder “See? I’m right” Claire suddenly became serious "and you have been a great friend… I haven’t thanked you for today; you were literally my savior, John. No one’s ever done something like this for me before”
He leaned close to her, their faces only a few inches away… She breathed in, but didn’t back off.
“Well, I don’t think you’ve been in a situation like this one before, have you Brickwell?” he smiled, grabbed her dish and walked towards the sink. (This was not the right moment)
Claire felt slightly embarrassed, she had actually expected him to try to kiss her.
Trying to shake some sense into herself, and freeing her mind of these ridiculous thoughts; she finished off her coke and jumped off the counter “Still, you have been amazing, and I would have never been able to pull it off without you”
He smiled as he washed the dish and a few knives and spoons he had used.
“I should go now; Ryan’s picked up George and they’re both waiting for me at my apartment”
He dried off his hands “You haven’t told him about this?”
Claire shook her head “I didn’t think it was a good idea, you know? Ryan has other things to deal with. The whole Zach situation is more than he can handle right now”
He nodded “I must tell you, though… the moment you start hiding things from each other in a relationship…”
Claire nodded “I know, I know. I will tell him, eventually. When I’ve figured out some stuff”
She turned towards the living room. John followed “What stuff?”
She sighed “Just stuff… things I need to figure out”
He stared at her inquisitively “Do you still have feelings for Zach?”
She licked her lips. “I don’t know…”
He shook his head smiling “Because it wasn't hard enough already, right Brickwell?”
She sat on the couch and began to put her shoes on “What do you mean?”
“Never mind” he walked towards the door and opened it in sudden rage
“Wait, John… why are you mad at me all of a sudden?” she walked up to him “What have I done?”
“Claire, do you really need me to tell you?” he slammed the door shut
“Yes!”
“He left you Claire, the guy walked out on you! No explanations, nothing... and now you’re actually considering getting back with him?” Claire had never seen him like this before
“I never said that!” she walked towards him
John turned to walk around the room, seriously disturbed.
“Don’t you have any self respect? I honestly thought you were a different person, Claire”
She stood with her back against the door, staring at him, speechless
“When I agreed to help you out on this” he stood in front of her “I thought you needed some kind of closure. A final explanation of some sort. I never imagined you were thinking about getting back with him!"
“And you were right, that’s exactly what I wanted. Closure”
“So? What's changed?” he paused and shook his head smiling “One man's not enough for you I guess… You need someone else to warm the sheets while he’s out working, right?”
Claire was appalled; she covered her mouth in horror. In an impulse, she slapped him. He grabbed her arm as she struggled. Realizing she couldn't free her arm, she slapped him again with her other hand; shocked at his accusations.
John grabbed her other arm and pressed them both against the door. They stared at each other, almost out of breath.
Suddenly, unable to control herself, she kissed him.



Chapter 78

He knocked on the door. George barked
“Coming!” Ryan walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his hips “Stay!” he pointed at George who sat panting by the living room couch.
Ryan opened the door to find a strange man standing in front of him. He was probably in his mid thirty’s, light brown hair, tall, somewhat athletic and holding an almost empty bottle of bourbon.
He jumped back startled at the sight of Ryan; he was obviously expecting someone else.
“Yes?” Ryan glanced at his bottle
“Hi!” he smiled trying to peep behind Ryan and into the apartment “Is Claire home?”
Ryan shook his head “No” he licked his upper lip “Who are you?”
He swigged from the bottle “Just an old friend”
“Do you have a name?”
He nodded, drank some more and, slightly losing his balance, leaned on the door.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough of that, pal?” Ryan pointed at the bottle
He lifted the bottle and stared at it trying to focus “This, nah… I’m fine” just as he had said that, he fell clumsily to the floor.
Ryan picked him up and helped him to a chair.
“Thanks man… I guess I’m not as tough as I used to be” he handed the bottle to Ryan who set it on the kitchen counter and turned to stare at him.
“I’m Zach, by the way”
Ryan nodded, he had figured as much “Ryan”
Zach eyed him carefully “Do I know you? You look very familiar”
Ryan sighed “I’m an actor”
“I knew it!” Zach pointed at him “The Believer, Half Nelson… That’s awesome, man!.”
Ryan forced a smile
“You’re very good… I like most of what you’ve done” he sat back, looking slightly dizzy, and looked around the apartment “She’s changed it quite a bit” he pointed at the couch “That’s new; our old couch was ragged… it’s great to see she got rid of it. And the TV, she got a new one too… I don’t really know why, Claire hardly ever watches TV” he paused and gazed at Ryan as he stood, leaning on the counter, staring at him “I’m sorry man… I guess I should have called. So, you say Claire’s not here. Do you think she’ll be back soon?”
Ryan chuckled under his breath, amazed at Zach’s familiarity “Look, Zach… I don’t know when she’s coming back; but I’m thinking that when she does… you’re the last person she’ll want to see”
Zach shook his head and laughed “So… she's told you about me” he licked his lips “Fair enough… You win, pal. I’ll be out of your way.” he stood up abruptly, took two weary steps and dropped to the floor, unconscious.
Ryan sighed and lifted him, setting him on the couch. “Sleep it off, buddy” Shaking his head he walked back into the bedroom, George followed him.


Victoria lay in bed alone. Five months had passed since their wedding. So far, Patrick had spent more nights in the office than he did in their apartment. She had already given up on eating dinner. Why go through all the hassle of cooking just for herself? She would drink some tea in her study, while checking her emails and playing a few games of solitaire in her laptop.
Tonight had been different, though. Tonight, she had fixed herself a Lapsang Souchong tea and sat to read her emails (so far, like any other night) Some were work related, but most of them were from friends she hadn’t seen since the wedding. As she opened Melissa’s email (She was a friend from college who had gotten married 3 weeks before Victoria), she caught a glimpse of an odd picture attached to it. It was an ultrasound. Melissa was 8 weeks pregnant and this was her first ultrasound. Victoria’s eyes moistened as she looked at the tiny black bubble holding a microscopic baby inside. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
She checked the rest of them, played three games of solitaire (lost at two), changed into her night gown, and crawled into the left side of the bed. As she stretched to turn de lights off, she recalled the tiny white figure and paused: she knew now what had been missing in her life.

Claire stopped, moved her face away, pressing her head against the door and panted nervously. John, still holding her arms, stared at her lips. He took a deep breath and kissed her back, lost in his rapture. He set both her arms behind her back, grabbing her and pressing her body against his. Claire moaned as he explored her neck and chest with his lips.
He picked her up, and carried her to the black leather sofa set that spread across the living room. Claire panted heavily. He unbuttoned her shirt hurriedly and kissed her belly. He then spread her thighs and lay on top of her fully dressed. Claire could feel him aroused licked her lips and kissed her passionately. He got up, arching his back, and fixing his gaze on hers slowly slid his hands up her skirt …Suddenly she cried: “Stop! Please, John… don’t!”
John sighed and stopped “What is it?”
Claire slid from under him, covered herself with her shirt and sat next to him “This is not right. I’m sorry I led you on like I did.”
He sat back, slightly out of breath and rubbed his face “It’s ok. I’m sorry, Claire.” He paused and turned to look at her “No, you know what? I’m not sorry!… You know how a feel about you. So telling you I’m sorry for what just happened is a damn lie! It’s all I ever think about when we’re together”
She buttoned her shirt, trying to regain her composure; got up, grabbed her purse and walked towards the door.
“Claire?”
She turned to look at him as he sat on the couch, catching his breath.
“If Gosling wasn’t in the picture… would you have been with me?”
Claire nodded “I can’t say I’m not attracted to you, John, because I am, very much so” she paused “But I’m in love with Ryan” She walked out of his apartment.
John shook his head and chuckled under his breath, thinking how Ryan Gosling had made his life miserable, once more.



She sat at Dr. Reece’s office waiting as he browsed through her tests.
Finally he sat back and smiled at her “Everything seems to be in order. You should have no problems getting pregnant, Victoria”
She smiled “Good”
“Now, have you stopped taking the pill?”
She nodded “I finished the last set 3 days ago and haven’t taken anything but the folic acid pills you recommended”
“Ok, now…”he stood up, walked around the desk and grabbed a calendar, showing it to her “This month you might be somewhat irregular, so we can’t really make any accurate calculations on which are the best days for you and Patrick to have intercourse. Now, considering your usual cycles, before you started taking the pill, lasted almost 29 days, I’d say you should wait for your period, and count 15 days from there on – that’s from the first day of your period – You should be ovulating approximately between the 15th and the 18th day of your cycle… so you and Patrick need to focus on those days. Are you with me so far?”
She nodded enthusiastically.
He started writing a prescription “I’m prescribing some vitamins for Patrick. They will boost up his energy levels, especially considering he’s been working so much lately.” He handed it to her “Now, most men don’t like to take pills, but you can put them in his orange juice; they’re tasteless, odorless and dissolve instantly in any liquid.”
She slid the paper into her purse, got up and stretched out her hand “Thank you very much, Dr. Reece, you have no idea what this means to me”
He shook her hand smiling “You’re very welcome” and just before she stepped out of his office added “Victoria, don’t take this as an assignment, remember you’re supposed to have fun!”
She nodded smiling and closed the door behind her.


Claire decided to walk back home. It was a warm night and she needed to clear her head. She opened her purse in search of the cigarette she had ingeniously stashed in one of the pockets, and asked a nearby doorman for a light. She took a drag and continued to walk westbound, gazing at the impressive building facades that spread on the way.
She felt a slight shiver as she recalled the recent events at John’s apartment. Why? Why had she felt such a strong impulse, and acted out on it? Was her attraction towards John stronger than she thought? Was she starting to have feelings for him? Claire knew some of the things that had happened lately between them had made her look at him in a different light. Especially learning his heart had been broken in the past, (just like hers). He could’ve easily taken advantage of the situation at his apartment, but he didn’t. He stopped, just as she had asked him to. Proving to her once more that, no matter what other people said about him, she could trust him. (She was convinced that in a parallel life, she would have helplessly fallen in love with him).
He was right about Zach. Zach had walked out on her without even the slightest hesitation. He had given up on those 3 years they had spent together on a sudden whim. How could she ever forgive him for that? Forgive and forget all the pain, suffering and feelings of inadequacy she had endured because of him? Could a thousand apologies take back what he had done to her?
She wished she was back in LA with Emma; she would be able to put things into perspective for her. Suddenly, it seemed New York had become the epicenter of her worst nightmares. If she could somehow hop on a plane and leave all her troubles behind, to start anew somewhere else... How sensible and mature of you, Brickwell, she thought, running away from everything… as if that would solve anything! Completely lost in her thoughts she walked right past her building…
“Miss Brickwell?”
She turned to find Dan looking at her inquisitively “Are you ok?”
She smiled bashfully and walked inside “I guess I was too distracted to notice, Dan. Thanks… I owe you. Who knows how far I might have wandered?”
“No problem, Ms. Brickwell.”
She waved and walked towards the elevators
“Ms Brickwell..?”
She turned to look back at him
“I wasn’t here personally this evening, but Raj, the fellow who watches my spot while I take my dinner break, said a young man went up to your apartment”
“It must have been Ryan… I haven’t introduced him to Raj yet”
“I suppose so, anyway, I thought I should tell you. Raj seemed pretty upset about it”
“Ok… I’ll introduce them first thing tomorrow… tell Raj I’m sorry, and that it won’t happen again”
She waved and stepped into the elevator.
Claire dragged herself out and searched her purse for the keys, as she did so, Ryan heard her and opened the door.
“Hey!” she smiled, pecked him on the mouth and walked inside
Ryan closed the door and stood gazing at her in silence as she slipped off her shoes. She then ran to rub George's back - who barked enthusiastically following her around - and opened the refrigerator.
“Do we still have any of that white wine I left in here… there it is!” she took the bottle and set it on the counter as she scanned the cabinets for wine glasses. “Do you want some?”
Ryan shook his head
She poured some wine in a glass, sipped and sighed “Hmmm... I really needed that" George stood beside her as she rubbed him behind the ears affectionately "I've missed you boy!" she looked at Ryan "So… how was your day?” She sat on one of the kitchen stools and pointed at him with her glass.
Ryan wore a shirt and a pair of dark jeans, his hair was still wet from the shower. He walked up to her, took her glass and placed it on the counter.
Claire looked at him confused
“Come… there’s something I need to show you” He grabbed her arm as she jumped off the stool, and led her to the couch
Zach lay motionless on it. Claire gasped and ran to check on him.


Chapter 79

After spending two whole months, in a secluded villa in Tuscany, they flew back to New York and decided to move in together. It was only natural they did; after all, everything was perfect. It was as if they had been made for each other. John had never felt such utter devotion for a woman before (she was slightly, not very, but slightly older than him); she had never felt so safe and understood. It was only a matter of time, he thought, until they decided to get married and have kids.
She would travel to and from Austin, and he would eagerly pick her up at the airport, feeling every second they had been apart like an eternity.
John enrolled in the 22 month Executive MBA Program at Cornell University, considering it to be a wise step towards their economic stability. Of course, they really didn’t need the money; she made a hefty amount in every one of her movies and was now even starting to produce other projects as well. Still, John, having been brought up the old fashioned way, believed he should be the one supporting them.
The morning of his graduation, he had already been offered top positions at some of New York’s leading businesses and was even able to bargain for quite a few added benefits.
He marveled at how the movie industry resembled any other major business, and although not particularly interested in it himself, considered how his previous literary background could actually prove to be useful; should he ever consider to venture on this arena.
She would point this out to him in more than one occasion, but John would just laugh and shake his head, telling her it all looked really good from a safe distance. A distance he intended to keep… until one Sunday morning, when Sean called from L.A.


Claire touched Zach’s forehead and stroked his cheek. His face felt cold. She stretched to feel his pulse: weak, but stable. She sighed – he was ok.
She got up, walked past Ryan (who stood behind her gazing in disbelief), got a blanket from one of the cupboards and covered him.
After a few minutes of staring at him filled with concern, she turned to look at Ryan
“How did this happen? Did you hit him?”
Ryan lifted his eyebrows “What?” he raised the tone of his voice
“Shhh…” she got up and pulled him away from the couch and into the bedroom
“Are you serious, Claire?” he pushed her hand away from him
“I’m sorry, Ryan…” she looked back at Zach lying on the couch “It’s just that… Well, what am I supposed to think? I come in here, Zach is on my living room couch, unconscious...”
“And automatically you assume I’m responsible for it! Wow, Claire… you really are something!” he was not amused
“You’re right” she shook her head “It was stupid of me to assume that…” she paused and stepped closer to him “Tell me... what happened?”
He stepped back, he was not about to let this pass by “Have you smelled his breath by any chance? Besides, I’m the one who should be asking you about this!”
Claire stared at him inquisitively “Me? How come? How am I responsible for this?”
“I dunno, Claire. I just find it hard to believe the guy just knocked on your door because he felt like it.” He fixed his eyes on hers “Why does he suddenly feel he has the right to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night? Have you two seen each other lately? ”
Claire swallowed nervously, walked towards the bed and sat down. Ryan breathed out and rubbed his chin, waiting.
She looked up to him and nodded.
He stared at her in disbelief “Were you ever going to tell me about it?”
Claire shrugged feeling more embarrassed than she had ever been in her life. She then proceeded to explain the entire evening to him: the invitation Zach had sent her, Vera’s brilliant transformation skills, John’s participation in the matter, the book presentation to its microscopic detail... Ryan couldn’t believe his ears. He was hurt and disappointed. He had never expected Claire to behave like this.
“But I’m sure he didn’t recognize me, Ryan…. I’m positive about it. I dunno why he’s here tonight. I guess he must have come to ask why I didn’t show up”
Ryan shook his head; he could hardly look at her. When had she become such a scheming monster? Why hadn’t she shared this with him? Hadn't their relationship reached the point in which they could trust each other?
Her eyes moistened as she felt the void between them. She got up and walked towards him “Honey, I’m sorry… I just didn’t want you to worry. I thought it was something I needed to deal with on my own”
Ryan took a deep breath “Well… now you can”. He walked out of the room (she followed him), grabbed his cell phone and George’s leash.
Claire closed her eyes and covered her mouth in pain as she watched him storm out of her apartment followed by his dog, leaving the door open behind him.
She stood paralyzed in front of the open door.
Just as she was closing it, Zach's voice startled her "Claire?"

Seamus stepped out of the car “I’ll only be five minutes” he looked up at O’Reilly while he opened the door for him and nodded obligingly.
He stood at the entrance, gazing at the ornate sign on the door. For a second, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, as if he were about to smile. Of course, just as fast as it came, it vanished. He then shook his head frowning, and opened the door.
Aidan sat by the cash machine; his mind focused in a book by Henry Miller; Rosencrantz purred peacefully on the desk before him.
As he heard the chimes go off, he blurted “Welcome to Ogham, how may we fulfill your different reading needs?” and lifted his head nonchalantly. Instantly, he jumped off his chair startled: the mighty Seamus McNamara had entered their humble bookstore!
“Sir… I mean, Mr. McNamara!” He wiped his hand on his pants and stretched it out hastefully “What a surprise, we weren’t expecting you!”
Seamus nodded ceremoniously, stripped off his gloves as he scanned the room and shook Aidan’s hand.
“Colin’s not here today… He went to visit Laura at..”
Seamus cut in “I know”
“Oh… so you’re going to wait for him?”
Seamus shook his head “No… I’m in a bit of a rush.”
Aidan nodded “I see…” suddenly remembering “Can I offer you something to drink, Sir?”
Seamus shook his head and walked towards the next room. Aidan followed hurriedly.
Five people sat reading quietly as other three browsed through the extensive book collection that lay on the shelves. Seamus walked around, pausing to gaze at a young girl who was flicking excitedly through the pages of a second hand copy of the Decameron. He shook his head, grinned slightly and moved on. After examining the room rather thoroughly, (Aidan stood anxiously beside him through his entire promenade) he walked towards the winding staircase. “What’s up there?”
“Oh… another reading room. Of course there’s a giant table there, for people who need to write or use their laptops”
Just as he was saying this, one of the customers cut in, he was holding an empty coffee mug “Aidan, we’re all out of coffee. Do you mind if I step into the kitchen and fix some more?”
Aidan shook his head, smiling “Go ahead, do you know where we keep the filters?”
The customer nodded and hurried into the back.
Seamus looked at him bewildered “Do you charge for that?”
“For what?”
“Reading and coffee?”
Aidan laughed “God, No! We only charge for the books”
“Well, why would I want to buy a book if I can sit and read, from cover to cover, in this bookstore?”
Aidan nodded and chuckled under his breath “Sometimes it is only after reading a book that we feel the urge to own it”
Seamus shook his head and began to put his gloves back on
“Are you leaving already? I’m sure Colin will be back soon”
He smiled, took a couple of hundred dollar bills from his wallet and handed them to Aidan “Coffee’s on me this week”
As Aidan took the money, he patted his shoulder and walked out of Ogham, pausing to look Aidan’s peculiar sign. He read out loud “Bigots kindly refrain… Now that’s funny”


Chapter 80

He got up suddenly, too suddenly, and immediately sat down feeling terribly sick. Claire ran to assist him as he rubbed his eyes and moaned painfully.
“Are you ok?” she bent to look at him
Zach opened his eyes and smiled as he gazed at her. “I am now” he grabbed her unexpectedly and stood up to hug her tightly.
Claire shivered at his familiar touch and smell; a myriad of sensations ran across her body as he held her close. She pushed him away, leading him back to the sofa “Sit. I don’t want you falling and hurting yourself. I’ll fix you some coffee”
She rushed to the kitchen and searched for a mug. Now, from her safe position behind the counter, she asked “What are you doing here, Zach?”
He turned to look at her “I came to see you”
“Without even calling first? Have you checked the time? It’s really late, Zach. I thought I told you I’d call you”
He stood up and walked towards her “Well, the truth is I was going to wait for your call, but then... your strange reaction at the New York Public Library... it sort of led me to lose hope...”
She blushed as she poured hot water into the mug “I had to meet someone and was running late, that’s all”
He smiled and shook his head “That’s bullshit and you know it, Claire. You ran off as if your life depended on it.” He leaned against the counter “I’ll tell ya I was not expecting that at all”
“Ok… I ran off.” She handed him the steamy cup “I just wasn’t ready to see you, that’s all”
He sipped “I figured as much… You might have forgotten about how long we were together, but I think I know you well enough, Claire”
She poured herself a cup and they both walked back to sit on the couch
He patted one of the cushions “I like the new couch”
“Well, the one we used to have was a disgrace. I was happy to part with it” she smiled
He gazed at her “And today?”
Claire looked away “What about today?”
“My book presentation”
“Aha?”
“You weren’t there” he looked confused
She sipped her coffee in silence
“Curiously enough, as I left the Met, I came across the card Marcus sent you”
Claire’s breathing stopped. The card! What had she done with the damn card? She had it in her purse and remembered wanting to get rid of it in case Ryan would ever come across it.
“You found your card?”
He nodded “I don’t have it with me right now, but I’m positive it was mine. It had a post- it note with my handwriting on it. Can you explain that?”
She paused. There was no way out of this situation, she could think of nothing. She breathed in...“I was there this evening, Zach. I sat through the whole thing”
“You were there? he paused to examine what she was wearing “Yeah! I remember. You sat on the fourth row! But you looked different… were you in disguise?”
Claire nodded “Silly, huh?” she set the mug on the coffee table “I just needed to know, Zach. But I didn’t want anyone else to know I was there.”
He brushed her knee, softly. “I understand. I’ll admit it was kind of childish and melodramatic, but I find it somewhat amusing”
She smiled bashfully “Well, it wasn’t amusing to me, believe me. I’ve never been so nervous in my life.”
He laughed recalling how he had found that black haired woman slightly familiar
“Couldn’t pull it off in the end I guess. I should have paid better attention next time. I dunno how that card got away”
“Maybe it was your subconscious speaking. Maybe deep down you wanted me to know you had been there”
“I don’t think so… but I cannot think of any other plausible explanation. It’s either that, or I’m downright retarded”
“Well… now that's another way to go”
Claire hit him as he laughed.
He suddenly became serious “I’m sorry for barging in on you like this, Claire. I just had to see you”
“Did you have to get hideously drunk too?”
Zach nodded bashfully “I wouldn’t have had the guts any other way. Tell your friend I’m sorry” he looked around for Ryan
Claire paused to consider how this whole situation must have upset Ryan. She felt so guilty; especially recalling how she had accused him of knocking Zach unconscious. How could she have been so blind? So prejudiced? Ryan had probably helped him out and carried him all the way to couch. He really didn’t need to do that. He could have just kicked him out… (and would have been in his right to do so). Now she had really fucked things up between them. Not to mention the fact that she had kissed John!
“Ok...” she got up and walked to the phone “Finish your coffee, I’m calling you a cab”
“But I thought we could talk”
“Not tonight, Zach. We both need to get some sleep. We can get together sometime this week and discuss whatever it is you want to discuss” she picked up the phone and dialed.
Zach set his cup on the table and looked at her “You two are in love, aren’t you?”
“Huh?”
“Gosling and you. You’re living together and you’re in love, right?”
Claire sighed and bit her lower lip “I wish I knew, Zach” she shook her head “but I don’t”


Ryan walked into the crowded hotel bar, smiling as he noticed a young man playing a familiar tune on the piano. He sat on one of the high leathered stools and gestured the bartender “Rum and coke, please. Charge it to room 605” as he tapped his thighs to the rhythm of ‘Autumn Leaves’.
The bartender fixed his drink “So you’re a guest at the hotel? Is this your first night in the Big Apple, Sir?”
Ryan picked up his glass, and shook his head “Nope… been here for a week already”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you at the bar before” he smiled
“That’s because I haven’t been here before” he pointed at the young pianist “He’s good! How old is he?”
“I know! Just turned twenty one, can you believe it!”
Ryan nodded smiling as he continued to tap his thighs. The bartender rushed to get another order. Ryan, still lost in the music, suddenly caught a glimpse of a beautiful young woman sitting a few seats away from him, staring. He smiled and toasted.
She picked up her drink and walked to where he was sitting “May I?” she pointed at the stool right next to his
Ryan nodded “Please” gesturing her to sit down.
“I’m Maxine” she stretched out her hand
Ryan lifted her hand and kissed it “Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Maxine. I’m Ryan”
She smiled blushing “I thought so… You’re Ryan Gosling, right?”
He nodded smiling
“Wow! If I’d have known we were staying at the same hotel…”
“What?” he sipped
“Huh?”
“If you’d have known we were staying at the same hotel… what?”
She giggled foolishly “I dunno, it’s just an expression I guess…”
“Right” he smiled and shook his head
“Aren’t you involved with someone? I think I read about it in the NY Times… she’s a writer. You’re working on a movie together…”
“Yeah… something like that.” His expression changed suddenly
“So are you?”
“I don’t know Maxine. I really can’t say” he finished his drink and gestured for another one
She looked at him inquisitively “Did you guys break up?”
He shrugged and grabbed his second rum and coke, drinking half of it at once
She smiled and sipped her screwdriver
“I really don’t feel like discussing her tonight, if that’s ok with you” he finished his drink
She stared at him in awe “That’s fine by me. Actually, it’s even better!”
Ryan grinned fixing his eyes on hers “Let’s do shots” he gestured the bartender
Maxine nodded smiling and finished her drink.


John caught the first plane to LA and called her from the airport. She was in a meeting with the director of an upcoming project she had been eagerly hoping to produce. Sean had seriously fucked up this time, and owed too much money to a bunch of wise guys who were beginning to lose their patience. He needed to do something fast, or someone might get hurt.
During his flight, he studied the documents Sean had emailed him, containing detailed information on the project he had invested in. As soon as he landed, he drove from LAX straight to the studio, where Sean was waiting for him. After meeting with some of the studio executives and charming them into giving him extra money and time, he got hands full on the project. Sean couldn’t be happier.
He worked 24/7, trying to keep up with what was expected from him in New York, as well as getting Sean’s project to collect sky high profits. He fired a few actors and hired new ones, he changed the entire PR team, he redesigned the merchandise; he even rewrote the movie’s tagline. Three months later, Sean’s movie premiered: it was an instant box office hit.
John had saved the day.
After that, all sorts of offers started coming. Hollywood wanted a huge chunk of him, and was more than willing to pay for his ludicrous demands.
She had settled in LA and was beginning to cast the actors for her new movie. As he gradually began to get involved in the business, he finally decided to quit his job, take a few courses in the New York Film Academy and eventually become one of LA's permanent inhabitants.